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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

DP just hit me

69 replies

derewa · 24/07/2011 11:46

Have name changed

We were arguing about how I don't think we spend enough time together and his attitude towards me and he just lost it and punched me in the stomach and in the arm. He then stormed out of the house.

I'm shocked, he's got quite aggressive in the past but he's never been violent towards me. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

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GypsyMoth · 24/07/2011 11:47

Firstly do you need hosp treatment? Have a think about reporting it to dv unit at local police station.

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Sparkletastic · 24/07/2011 11:48

Who does the house belong to or is it rented? You need to be away from him.

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mamas12 · 24/07/2011 11:49

Lock the door and ring womens aid for some knowledgable advice and support.
Can you get a friend or family member around?

Do you have dcs and did they witness this assault?

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derewa · 24/07/2011 11:49

No I don't need hospital treatment.

The house is rented but in his name

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derewa · 24/07/2011 11:50

We don't have dc but were going to start TTC.

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scarlettsmummy2 · 24/07/2011 11:50

Leave him. Might seem simplistic, but he will do it again. Also the fact you were already arguing about your relationship indicates it isn't a happy place already.

If in doubt, ring women's aid and go and stay with family or friends immediately. This is not normal or excusable in any situation.

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spout · 24/07/2011 11:50

I second Women's Aid

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FreudianSlipper · 24/07/2011 11:51

make sure you are physically ok, if you feel you are able to report this incident then do but please contact women's aid they will give you the advice you need. his aggression is escalating and you need to work on leaving it will not get any better i am sorry to say

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IslaValargeone · 24/07/2011 11:51

Do you have someone you can call to get you medical attention if you need it, or help you pack/chuck his stuff out? It's not a giant leap from being "quite aggressive in the past" to hitting you really is it? so my advice is walk away.

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HerHissyness · 24/07/2011 11:53

Pack your things NOW and go somewhere safe. Do not go back to him, do not listen to him, do not make up with him, and do not sleep with him carry on TTC.

Your relationship as it was is over. If you do nothing you are now in an abusive relationship, you are a victim of Domestic Violence.

You have no DC with him, you own no property with him, you need never be hit by another soul for the rest of your life, but you have to get out.

I am not over-reacting, I am giving you the only advice there is. He has crossed a border now, and now that genie is out of the bottle, it can't be put back. Trust me.

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derewa · 24/07/2011 11:53

I've got my brother but he's not answering his phone

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ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 24/07/2011 11:54

Is there anyone in RL you can ring for support, if so do it now. Report it to the police and, as others have said, ring Women's Aid who will be able to advise you.

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colditz · 24/07/2011 11:55

DO NOT GET PREGNANT

My love, I cannot stress this enough.

Right now, you don't have children with him, you can get up, walk out, and never ever have to see or speak to him again. This won't hold true of you have children.

Do ring women's aid. DO leave. Please.

He will get worse if you don't, because you will have shown him that despite what you say, you do tolerate being hit.

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colditz · 24/07/2011 11:56

Walk out of the door. You should probably go to the police but I understand if you don't want to. Go to a friend's, go to a relatives, grab your hand bag and GET OUT BEFORE HE COMES BACK

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HerHissyness · 24/07/2011 11:57

Get in a car/cab and go there and wait. don't wait for this guy to come back.

Also when you get a chance, ditch the sim you have and get a new number.
zero tolerance for this violence.

Punching a woman in the stomach is very hateful, it is the region we carry babies, and even though you are not PG, it strikes at the heart of what being a woman is all about.

The warning signs were there previously, now you KNOW what you are dealing with, a violent woman beater. It only ever gets worse, never, ever better.

((((HUGS)))))

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DandyGilver · 24/07/2011 11:57

You have to go. A man who hits you does not love you.

You have no children with him or property. Take back your own life before he steals it from you.

Do you have someone you can stay with short term?

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VivaLeBeaver · 24/07/2011 11:58

You know that violence often starts or escalates in pregnancy. Please don't have a child with him. Walk away now while you have no ties. Start again. Hope you're OK.

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Macaroona · 24/07/2011 12:00

Please, for the sake of your future happiness, leave right now. Strike while the iron's hot - if you wait, you'll find ways to excuse his behaviour. Don't give yourself a chance to do that - trust your instincts and get the hell away from him.

I second that punching a woman's stomach is a vile, vile thing to do

Hope you're physically ok, if you're at all in doubt get yourself to A and E.

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mamas12 · 24/07/2011 12:03

that bag you are packing, make sure you have all improtant papers in there and don't leave anything you think you might have to go back for.
You can buy new clothes etc. but not photos letters bank statements laptops.
Sympathies but you will be doing the right thing for you and all your unborn babies to come by getting out now.

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IslaValargeone · 24/07/2011 12:03

Are you still there sweetheart? Am somewhat concerned that he might have come back and started round 2.

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TheOriginalBanshee · 24/07/2011 12:04

Report it and leave straight away if you can. Definitely do not even consider having a baby with him. He sounds awful and no mater how much you love him/wanted a future wih him, there is no hope with someone like this. Things always get worse when children come along. More stress, lack of sleep, even less time for each other, financial worries- if he can't cope now, there's no chance once DCs are in the picture.

Consider this a HUGE wake up call. At least you don't have any fininancial ties to him or DCs with him. Big hugs to you x

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mouldyironingboard · 24/07/2011 12:05

Sorry to hear what happened.

Do you have a close friend or family nearby who you can go to immediately? You need someone to look after you as you must be feeling very shaken up.

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derewa · 24/07/2011 12:06

I'm still here the only place I could go would be my brothers but I can't get hold of him

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/07/2011 12:08

I would call Womens Aid and end your relationship with this person as of now. He has shown you his true nature now and he has shown you what he truly thinks of you. You are and mean nothing to him.

Such violence escalates too; if you remain with this you hand over all the control to him. Abuse is about power and control. He may well beg and plead remorse and promise that he won't do it again but this tactic is often employed by abusive men to keep their victim in line. Subsequently they hit their victim again and again.

The only acceptable level of violence within a relationship is none. Remember that.

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Ephiny · 24/07/2011 12:08

Have you reported it to the police? You are more than justified in doing so (you surely wouldn't hesitate if anyone else attacked you like that).

If the rental contract is in his name only, then I would think you have no obligations regarding the house, it's his responsibility to make sure the rent is paid in full, and you have absolutely no moral obligation to keep paying your contribution after he's done something like this.

Definitely get yourself to somewhere safe as soon as you can (surely your brother will help you out if you tell him what's happened?), then you need to start looking for a place of your own. Please do not even consider staying in the house with him, that is not safe for you at all.