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DV in same sex relationships

(14 Posts)
VegetarianButcher Sat 23-Jul-11 23:51:44

I guess I know the answer to this before I even post but I just want to talk about it I think. My partner and I have been living together for around a year. I started a new job around 3 months ago and she became quite possessive and jealous all the time always asking me who I was texting and demanding that I showed her the texts. She insisted something was going on between me and my friend, a friend who is not only 100% straight but also happily married. She got funny when I went on a night out and ended up in a gay bar, this happened because we were out with a male gay friend who frequents these places and he begged us to go with him and we thought it would be a laugh. It was all very cheesy YMCA stuff, very funny and certainly nothing to take seriously. Last night we got into an argument when she accussed me of playing games with her and I told her I was going out for some fresh air, as I walked away from her she threw a book at me which hit me in the back. I turned around and am ashamed to say I swore at her and called her names and she called me a slut. I turned around again to leave because it was obviously escalating and she shouted at me not to leave, I turned around and was just going to say "I won't be out long, I'll bring us a pizza back and we can talk when we're both calm" and she slapped me across the face and then hit me across the head. She ran downstairs and I stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the night. Today she went to work early and when she came home she has been quiet but nice but not mentioned anything about it. I can't just let it go, can I?

fivegomadindorset Sat 23-Jul-11 23:56:58

What would you do if this was a man that hit you? Just because it is a woman does not make any difference, DV is DV.

VegetarianButcher Sat 23-Jul-11 23:59:53

If it was a man, I would probably have called the police sad I know, it's sexist and silly. I just couldn't do that to her and I know she's in the wrong and I know it wasn't my fault but I hate all this, I just want us to go back to the way we were before all the suspicion started.

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 24-Jul-11 00:05:06

VB, please read your first and second post. You are behaving and thinking in a way that most victims of DV behave, regardless of the gender of the aggressor. You cannot go back. This has happened and you can't let it go and you can't pretend that it hasn't happened.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

fivegomadindorset Sun 24-Jul-11 00:07:04

But will it go back? I dont think so, this is EA and DV and you need to think long and hard. Will she change back into the trusting woman you met?

sausagerolemodel Sun 24-Jul-11 00:08:56

no no no don't let it go. Its how it starts. Once it is "not mentioned" once, it becomes impossible to bring it up. You MUST resolve this with her. She MUST accept what she has done.

HerHissyness Sun 24-Jul-11 00:15:15

VB, the genie is out of the bottle now love, you can't go back.

this has already gone very quickly to violence, it can only get worse, as you become immune to what she does, she has to step it up.

Please look at this link It's on the DV advice at the top of all relationships threads. they can help you.

You have to get out of this relationship, please, you can't stay in it.

To recap, this will never, ever, EVER get better. You need to end it, asap, for your own health and safety.

Alambil Sun 24-Jul-11 00:16:54

There is a charity called Broken Rainbow which supports lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people experiencing DV if you would like to talk to someone.

PhilipJFry Sun 24-Jul-11 14:04:50

Don't let it go, it's obvious from your post that things have been steadily escalating over time: she's gone from paranoid and jealous to physically abusive. Things are going to get more and more severe, like others have said.

neuroticmumof3 Sun 24-Jul-11 15:06:01

I'm really sorry you have experienced this. It's not your fault. As PhilipJFry says, things are escalating and they won't get better given time, they will just get worse. She is emotionally and physically abusing you. I too advise you to contact Broken Rainbow for support.

I'm so sorry, but you can't let this go. The possessive and controlling behaviour is a big red flag, and now she has actually hit you. This time you're upset and shocked, but next time you might need hospital treatment. It is NEVER acceptable to hit someone. Please make sure you keep that boundary in place.

buzzsore Sun 24-Jul-11 15:19:13

No, you can't just let it go. I think you should leave her, sorry. She's escalating her abuse, you need to get out.

Pancakeflipper Sun 24-Jul-11 15:28:19

You cannot brush this to one side. It cannot be 'forgotten' about.

You both need to sit down and talk all the way through this, not just the throwing/ hitting but the need to check your texts etc. It's all unacceptable. And it will happen again.

joblot Sun 24-Jul-11 18:21:03

How bloody awful. Talk to someone you trust to help you work out what to do. I hope she has the integrity to move out and sort her problems, letting you get on with your life. If not, then she clearly has little respect for you I would think

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