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Lundy Bancroft's "Loser"

(19 Posts)
WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 11:43:36

I've tried looking for the criteria/personality traits for Bandcroft's loser, aka the person who would have done good things if the world wasn't against them, and I can't find them anywhere.

Could someone be very kind and post me a link or briefly summarise the key personality traits.


Anniegetyourgun Wed 20-Jul-11 12:09:54

It was Dr Joe Carver I think, not Saint Lundy of Bancroft.

WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 12:12:35

Thanks Annie

Anniegetyourgun Wed 20-Jul-11 12:14:35

Bah, how lazy can I get, it's easy enough to give the link.

WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 12:16:37

Haha, I beat you to it but thank you

Anapit Wed 20-Jul-11 12:19:37

Lundy does give loser as a category , and it is not the same as Joe Carver - I know this as I was trying to find the very same recently online and could not.

I have the book and will try to find it and post the main features as described by saint Lundy smile

However I have a suspicion my partner may have hidden/ disposed of the book sad...

WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 12:25:13

Hi Anapit, I saw your thread earlier. Hope your okay.

Anapit Wed 20-Jul-11 12:26:53

aw, thanks! I will go and hunt for missing book and report back.

Are you concerned about someone close to you who might fit the category?

Anniegetyourgun Wed 20-Jul-11 12:35:07

O right, sorry if I've caused confusion. You know, if he's disposed of your book, you probably need it.

I've dug out my Gospel According To Saint Lundy and found the section - he actually calls it the Victim - but it's too long to post. The summary goes:

"The central attitudes driving The Victim are:

- Everybody has done me wrong, especially the women I've been involved with. Poor me.

- When you accuse me of being abusive, you are joining the parade of people who have been cruel and unfair to me. It proves you're just like the rest.

- It's justifiable for me to do to you whatever I feel you are doing to me, and even to make it quite a bit worse to make sure you get the message.

- Women who complain of mistreatment by men, such as relationship abuse or sexual harassment, are anti-male and out for blood.

- I've had it so hard that I'm not responsible for my actions."

WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 12:50:02

Yes anapit. He's a friend of mine and ticks all boxes that Annie has posted. I'm at the end of my teather with him, I'm tired of his woe is me act.

Thank you for posting that Annie.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 20-Jul-11 13:17:14

You're welcome. I was married to one!

Anapit Wed 20-Jul-11 17:17:56

Thanks Annie, no wonder I could not find Lundy's "Loser" on a websearch!

And I still can't find the book !

Anapit Wed 20-Jul-11 17:18:34

wedontneed ...are you married to him?

I've encuntered a few of these in my time as well. Mind you I think some 'professional victims' are not necessarily abusive, just utterly fucking maddening.

WeDONTneedanotherhero Wed 20-Jul-11 17:55:51

Nooooo Anapit. Many, many years ago we had a semi-relationship before I met my DH. We are still cose but tbh I've had enough of it.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 20-Jul-11 18:59:02

Have you considered asking him what he's done with your book, Anapit?

If you can't even ask then you don't need the book to tell you it's not a healthy relationship...

Anapit Fri 22-Jul-11 17:03:46

found the book! can't really add to Annie's excellent summary

LesserOfTwoWeevils Fri 22-Jul-11 17:18:24

SGB, was that a typo or a really telling Freudian slip? wink

Anapit Fri 22-Jul-11 23:36:32

lesser grin

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