Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

dating guys who are not a usual "type" - confused.....anyone care to help please?

(16 Posts)
msshapelybottom Mon 18-Jul-11 19:19:23

I don't know if this will make any sense, but rubbish at this man lark and need some perspective!

I've known a guy for about 8 months, we "met" on a dating site but only managed to meet up in person for the first time last month. He is really easy to chat with, great company, but I text him after our meeting saying that I'd love to see him again as a friend but nothing more. I didn't feel any chemistry, and that's been my barometer up till now.

We met again yesterday, just for a walk, and we spent a couple of hours together, chatting and laughing....it was lovely. Pretty early on I realised both of us were finding excuses to touch each other, helping each other along the steep bits etc and there were definately sparks. The thing is, I didn't immediately fancy him, he's just not the usual "type" I am attracted to, even though he is handsome! Yesterday I found myself really warming to him, you know when you get those butterflies in your tummy and you want to touch someone for no reason?!

We kissed yesterday and though it was lovely I panicked cos I love being independent and single and wasn't expecting anything to happen. He's not looking for a big relationship either which is great but how do I know if I'm really attracted to him or just feeling a bit horny? Does it even matter? I can't remember what it's all meant to feel like!

Other things I am wondering about is that he has hinted he's not very experienced sexually which doesn't bother me, but he's very cautious and careful ny nature, whereas I'm pretty impulsive. Can opposite personalities get on well do you think?

Has anyone fallen for someone slowly - ie. not being immediately attracted to them but finding themselves really liking them after a while?

I just need to relax don't I? I'm so used to dating guys and ripping their clothes off them pretty fast that I'm kind of thrown here!

Reading this back, I sound like a teenager, honestly, I've been married twice and you'd think I'd have half a clue...

WineAndPizza Mon 18-Jul-11 20:00:04

My DP is totally not the 'type' I used to go for. All my exes had looked a certain way and been similar types of people and without exception all treated me like shit.

When I met DP I wasn't interested at first as I didn't think I found him attractive...however the more I got to know him the more I thought he was amazing. He totally won me over with his personality and I found him more and more attractive and I now cannot imagine what I ever saw in my old 'type'!

We've been together 6 years now and I have never been happier in my life. I am so glad I gave it a go.

madonnawhore Mon 18-Jul-11 20:01:52

Sounds like you fancy him.

allegrageller Mon 18-Jul-11 20:04:10

OP it sounds as if you are maturing, tbh! in a very good way.

msshapelybottom Mon 18-Jul-11 20:20:04

Wow....hells bells! Madonnawhore, I think I must fancy him, but not in the obvious stomach churning way I usually feel attraction, this feels more like a slow burn kind of thing...that's why I'm so confused.

WineandPizza, your story is lovely smile

Allegra: you could be right, I guess taking time alone to get to know yourself must really be good advice!

We're going to spend the day together in a few weekends time, I'm so nervous. I copped a sly feel of him when we were kissing and there were definately muscly bits under the shirt!

I'm a wee bit scared TBH. I need to stop overthinking this don't I?

madonnawhore Mon 18-Jul-11 20:21:38

I love a good slow burner... It's like extended foreplay.

Enjoy smile

msshapelybottom Mon 18-Jul-11 20:25:37

MW : I'll try grin

WineAndPizza Mon 18-Jul-11 21:18:59

Definitely go for it! grin and don't overthink it - what's the worst that can happen? Just take it slowly and see how you feel. Good luck!

msshapelybottom Mon 18-Jul-11 22:05:31

WandP, thank you! That's just what I'm going to do....see what happens, no stressing smile

HairyGrotter Tue 19-Jul-11 06:48:13

I'm so jealous sad

I would love a slow burner, or a quick fire, but all the men I meet off dating websites are just 'meh' nothing, nadda, no fun, laughs anything.

Slow burners are the best, and usually give a good solid foundation for a relationship later if you both 'fall' or each other.

Go have fun, well jel!

EDD24may Tue 19-Jul-11 07:32:02

I met my husband through a friend.didn't fancy him one jot at first he is v different to my prior usual type ...high fliers,rich usually wankers commitment phobes.he's not any of above.3 months of spending a lot of time together as friends then I went away on holiday and spent a fortune on texting him and turned all offers down finally realising how I felt.then got scared about wrecking great friendship.we had a cheeky snog after a night at the pub and 1 year later got married and I'm now lying next to him feeding our newborn son.

Slow burners are great...go for it.agree with above post.I wasn't ready for this relationship until I'd kissed a few frogs and realised what was actually important! Enjoy!

msshapelybottom Tue 19-Jul-11 09:27:04

HairyGrotter, all the other guys I've met have been as you describe. I thought this guy was the same in that he's not overtly sexual and sort of alpha male like ones I usually fancy, but I kept in touch because we had loads in common....never in a million years did I think about him as a potential kiss grin

EDD, it's great to know these kind of friendships can develop into something else, congratulations on your new baby son smile

I realised last night as I was pondering, that I usually put guys I am attracted to on a pedastal, which I can see now makes me vulnerable and a bit desperate. With this guy I haven't done that, just see him as a mate. In fact I nearly cancelled on him on Sunday, but I'm glad I didn't!

Thanks for the advice, it helps to see things from another perspective.

LuckyMrsT Tue 19-Jul-11 09:34:10

I knew DH for 3 years before we got together. He was my handsome mate who I didn't fancy. When he first declared his feelings I ran a mile - thought he was too 'nice' IYKWIM. Not at all my type. I was gutted he'd made our friendship awkward.

Then I found myself considering going on a date with him seeing as he'd ruined our friendship anyway. Turns out he is the kindest, sexiest and funniest (I never knew he was so funny!) man I'd ever come across. He is still knee tremblingly amazing to me nearly four years, one wedding and one DS later.

Slow burners rock!

niceguy2 Tue 19-Jul-11 09:50:56

All I have to say is you have a type....you've been married twice. How's that been working out for you? smile

Nice guy's are always better partner material than the bad guys. The trick is to find one which floats your boat as for some strange reason women claim to want to find a nice guy but always fancy the bad boys.

HairyGrotter Tue 19-Jul-11 09:57:30

I'd like to find a nice guy who likes a bad girl. I've never been into bad guys, I AM the bad one in the relationship

msshapelybottom Tue 19-Jul-11 11:51:15

niceguy, you are absolutely right, my "type" is obviously no good for me! I do always fancy bad ones too...never ends well.

Hairy, this guy says he likes me because I am the complete opposite of him, that I am a bit wild and adventurous and bad smile I think it was a compliment!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now