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Help, I think I'm married to a narcissist and I don't know what to do..

(11 Posts)
dancerinthedark Mon 18-Jul-11 19:01:03

Hi there
I have been on here before. Almost feel ashamed as I write that the situation is the same if not worse. My husband is aggressive, rude and unpleasant tome alot of the time and then tries to manipulate the situation so it looks as if I am the one who is mad or unbalanced. About a year ago he confessed to me that he had told a work colleague that he had strong feelings for her. Obviously I was devastated but accepted that sometimes these things happen but if he still loved me and wanted me then we would get through it. However, ever since, in various guises, he has been an absolute shit. When I feel hurrt by his continued work relationship with her he says that I am un loveable etc...He keeps bringing up various misdemeanours of mine from years ago which are not wrongdoings but he is dressing them up as wrong doings ie I let him down when his dad died because I wasn't by his side the whole time, I was infact there as much as possible but I also had to look after our children and continue some work...the list is endless. I am scared, it's over isn't it but he won't talk to me like an adult. How do I sort this out? How do I leave?

If anyone has been there, let me know?
Thanks

notsorted Mon 18-Jul-11 19:37:15

Dancer,
if you don't have DCs then if he's being an absolute shit get out now because it will get worse with kids.
Lots of stuff here on NPD, emotional abuse. Check out Lundy Bancroft and Sam Vaknin on the web.
Sounds as if counselling for yourself or if you want to try for you both is one way of affecting change. But he doesn't sound worth sticking around for.

garlicbutter Mon 18-Jul-11 20:19:39

I'm not sure why you think he's narcissistic but he's certainly abusive.

Do you want him to leave, or to go yourself? Or are you still hanging on for the miraculous turnaround?

maiT Mon 18-Jul-11 22:04:21

hi, u are not alone. just be strong and decide what u want to do. no one else can do that for u.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows Wed 17-Aug-11 08:38:41

Do you have children with him or are they from a previous relationship?

From what you have said I am not sure what exactly it is that is wrong with your relationship but there is definately something!

The constant picking at things you have done wrong is NOT good. I have been there and it is exhausting, but especially when it's about things from so long ago and so there is nothing you can do about it. It's an immature thing to do.

Do you think he is emotional detatched from your relationship and wants to have an affair (or possibly is) and is trying to make you out to be the bad one so that it lessons his guilt?

didyouseewhatshedid Wed 17-Aug-11 08:45:54

He's just a twat OP. That's all. Dump the cunt.

beatenbyayellowteacup Thu 18-Aug-11 14:04:57

Whether he's a narc or not, it doesn't matter what you call it - he's being an utter arse. Dump him.

OhHelpOhNo Thu 18-Aug-11 14:12:45

Dancer has children....as she clearly states in her post! I love that you are all trying to help but please can we make more effort when someone is asking for help.

<climbs back into box as actually has no useful advice/experience here>

beatenbyayellowteacup Thu 18-Aug-11 14:23:10

Sorry - missed the kids comment.

OhHelpOhNo Thu 18-Aug-11 14:34:03

blush sorry shouldn't have posted in the bad huffy mood I am in

Hope I don't thread kill... <hides back in box>

beatenbyayellowteacup Thu 18-Aug-11 14:37:16

No it's evening here and I was too tired and caught the "narcissist" word and ran with it blush. Still think he's being an utter arse though, and from the description the OP has given, quite possibly a narc. In which case, he'll never listen.

Sorry OP, not sure what else to say sad

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