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Help, I think I'm married to a narcissist and I don't know what to do..

(5 Posts)
dancerinthedark Mon 18-Jul-11 18:58:26

Hi there
I have been on here before. Almost feel ashamed as I write that the situation is the same if not worse. My husband is aggressive, rude and unpleasant tome alot of the time and then tries to manipulate the situation so it looks as if I am the one who is mad or unbalanced. About a year ago he confessed to me that he had told a work colleague that he had strong feelings for her. Obviously I was devastated but accepted that sometimes these things happen but if he still loved me and wanted me then we would get through it. However, ever since, in various guises, he has been an absolute shit. When I feel hurrt by his continued work relationship with her he says that I am un loveable etc...He keeps bringing up various misdemeanours of mine from years ago which are not wrongdoings but he is dressing them up as wrong doings ie I let him down when his dad died because I wasn't by his side the whole time, I was infact there as much as possible but I also had to look after our children and continue some work...the list is endless. I am scared, it's over isn't it but he won't talk to me like an adult. How do I sort this out? How do I leave?

If anyone has been there, let me know?

isitmidnightalready Tue 19-Jul-11 00:10:13


My moody husband has just come home in a bad mood, started picking an argument and wandered off to bang some plates around in the kitchen.

Back to mumsnet, then!


Tchootnika Tue 19-Jul-11 00:50:30

dancerinthedark - I think it's fair to say that you're married to a bully, whether or not he meets some technical definition of a narcissist, I really couldn't tell you.
Perhaps the best way to decide what to do is to try to answer this question:
What do you want to do?
You seem a bit unsure...

mathanxiety Tue 19-Jul-11 05:38:49

You find somewhere to move to. You pack. Then you go. You can leave him a note if you want.

You don't need his permission to leave. You will never get 'closure'.

Are there children? Do you own property together?

GabrieleJ Wed 20-Jul-11 13:43:18

Go, if you have somewhere to stay go now, if you don't start looking now!
My sister was in abusive, unloving relationship she stuck around for their son until it was too much and then one day she couldn't take it anymore got into a car with her son and drove off. Best thing she ever done! After that her H was very apologetic and said he'd change but as soon as he realised sweet talk is not working turned back into an arse he always was... Go as far as you can get evidence of his relationship with his workmate if you can cos that can be handy in court. Dont stick around cos it won't get better and don't get used to it cos he's not worth it he's a bully and a coward so just go and make a new life for you and your children. If you think you can't do it cos of money or schools or whatever else, i believe that whatever life throws at you, you can deal with it and come out happier on the other side, it might be really hard but it will be worth it!

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