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Is their relationship likely to last?

(20 Posts)
IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 17:41:53

My ex left me in December after four years,I was 8 months pregnant at the time and he left after a few months of decreasing interest,I found a receipt in his car a couple of weeks before he went which turned out to be for a meal for himself and a girl (19-20) from his work. I don't want to go on about it too much but he promised it was innocent and he needed to talk to her blah blah,anyway, they are definitely together now,not sure how long for,maybe it's been the whole time. (He's 27 by the way).

Bearing in mind he left me in the lurch at that time and had cheated once before and he has been aggressive and jealous and immature during our time together,is it likely they will work out? It's left a horrible taste in my mouth to think that, after the crap I forgave him for, due to his begging for more chances at the time,he could just swan off with this young girl and forget all about us!
He hasn't bothered seeing his son for weeks,I have no idea what goes through his head if anything.
Any opinions? I realise I have not put him in a good light, he obviously had charm and some other traits for me to have loved him and I know now that he has done me a favour but I just can't believe he can just get away with this scot free!

RabbitPie Mon 18-Jul-11 17:47:11

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thisisyesterday Mon 18-Jul-11 17:48:10

well, i don't think any of us can say really, can we?

it might. it might not.

thisisyesterday Mon 18-Jul-11 17:49:47

don 't be so ridiculous rabbitpie... you have no idea what the guy is actually like, or whether his new relationship will work out

he sounds a lot like a guy i once dated.
he is now married to the girl he cheated on me with... they've been married years and years now.

TheSecondComing Mon 18-Jul-11 17:49:53

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RabbitPie Mon 18-Jul-11 17:53:56

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IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 17:58:26

Rabbitpie I agree with you, I reckon he does feel entitled, when I asked him why he hadn't been turning up to see the baby he replied 'I've been busy'.
Well that's ok then hmm
thisisyesterday but do you know if he's been faithful to her?
thesecondcoming I am totally leaving them to it,it's just something I think about when I feel self-torturous (if that's even a word)

IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:01:30

Arg what's with the poor girl thing? she was well aware of his relationship status and that he had a child on the way when she started seeing him so surely she's not an innocent, however, I'm well aware it's highly likely he will have played down stuff,to his benefit or whatever.

RabbitPie Mon 18-Jul-11 18:03:39

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RabbitPie Mon 18-Jul-11 18:05:22

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IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:06:08

Yes Ive come a long long way in 7 months however I do still question myself, was it me,was I a crap girlfriend etc etc?
No he doesn't pay, he gave me eighty quid once to go towards a cot but nothing else, I will be contacting CSA about it when I find out where his new job is.

IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:07:11

Yes even I sometimes think God help you love about her.

thisisyesterday Mon 18-Jul-11 18:09:37

well actually i do know that they're both very happy.

but i shall leave you to your rantings over some guy you don't even know and only have a bitter ex partner to tell you about

enjoy yourselves.

(p.s OP, i would forget about him and get on with your life. no point wondering whether this will work out is there?)

RabbitPie Mon 18-Jul-11 18:10:00

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BelleDameSansMerci Mon 18-Jul-11 18:11:47

Were you a crap girlfriend? Really? Not meaning to be patronising (but this will sound it) but you sound very young. This man left you while you were pregnant; was aggressive; and does not seem particularly interested in his child and you're wondering if you were at fault. You may not have been perfect but that doesn't excuse infidelity or aggression. I think he was a crap boyfriend and you're well shot, frankly.

Honestly, apart from his relationship with your son, why on earth would you care? Please try to let him go - forgive him if you can. If you can stop holding onto any feelings associated with him (including anger) you will be able to move on with your life much more happily.

InnocentRedhead Mon 18-Jul-11 18:13:55

Contact the CSA regardless of you knowing where he works or not... They have legal powers to make him pay, find out where he works etc., and if he won't pay willingly, they will take it straight out of his wage before he even sees it. I am guessing they know through the tax office...

I second all these replies above.. It will never work and you need to let go.

However there must be an agreement regarding contact put in place - and only you can decide how that should go ahead

IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:17:13

Belle Im 31, sorry if my post makes me sound young and yes I probably am being childish,it's just something that I wonder about. I ended the relationship many times but always eventually caved in to the begging. Maybe I'm just too hard on myself or it's damaged my ego so much that it's taken longer to let go. I promise that I do know without a doubt that we are better off away from him.

IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:18:14

He was self employed before and as far as I know I don't think he was paying his tax, although they may have caught up with him by now

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 18-Jul-11 18:21:30

31 seems young to me grin.

Honestly, I think you're probably grieving for the relationship that you wanted and hoped for. It can be really hard to let those feelings go because it can feel like you're saying goodbye to something you really wanted.

Based on a few posts, it does sound to me that you might have some issues with believing that you deserve better than this (I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, btw)...

IQuiteLikeVodka Mon 18-Jul-11 18:26:14

grin Belle! Well I now have 3 children so I guess maybe I felt that I was lucky that someone wanted a relationship with me,I haven't quite worked it out, I think I tend to over-think things and try and find reasons and answers where sometimes that's not possible.
By the way I will not be making the same mistake again, if I ever have another relationship again it will be with someone who is balanced and kind!

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