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5.5 year relationship

(11 Posts)
lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 13:23:48

I met my DP 5.5yrs ago through an online dating site. I wasn't sure if he was "The One" as such but we saw each other more and more frequently and just seemed to become BF/GF. It felt a little strange at first as he was suddenly just there, a stranger in my life who was now my partner.

We got on well, but I was never really sure about the connection as such, there was no buzz, no fireworks etc. But, I am late thirties and assumed that this wasn't really necessary at my age. We share a similar sense of humour and everything was fine. Nice. Not spectacular or grand. But good. I wasn't sure this relationship would last long but here we are almost 6 years on and we are still together.

My problem today is I'm not really sure wether I should be staying in this relationship. More and more recently I resent my partner, it's the small niggling things, if I bring them up he thinks I'm being silly and over sensitive. I often hate him and everything he says, resulting in an atmosphere you could cut with a knife. I've just realised it's just him, he wont change and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry I don't really know what advice I'm after, I'm just not sure what to do. I have no solid reason for splitting up, I'm sure he would have no idea I feel this way and would be shocked if I finished things but I'm not even 100% sure of the reasons myself.

holyShmoley Mon 18-Jul-11 13:28:22

i would guess that his feelings are reciprocal, but that he is too scared/lazy/whatever to do something about it.

Have you read 'He's just not that in to you?'

lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 13:28:28

Sometimes we can go for days being OK, then he'll say something like, "You know what side your breads buttered". And then it starts again, the resentment, the hatred. Why would you say that to someone? Is he trying to make me grateful? With one little comment he's managed to make me lose sleep and then make it pay on my mind all the next day. All the while he's blissfully unaware.

lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 13:30:33

Hi Holy, thanks for taking the time to read my unashamedly self indulgent post! No I haven't but perhaps I'll take a look. Maybe he's not, who knows.

FabbyChic Mon 18-Jul-11 13:30:44

Sounds to me like you realise you should be having fireworks and a connection. Nothing but will keep a relationship alive, the reason you are feeling the way towards him that you are is because deep down the relationship has run it's course and it is time to move on.

I'd not settle for second best yet you have.

holyShmoley Mon 18-Jul-11 13:31:24

Why? Because he doesn't respect you very much?

lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 13:37:46

It's not a lack of respect as such, it's more I happen to disagree with most things that he says. I do feel like he belittles me sometimes, the things I chose to do and my friends, but I'm starting to care less and less. There are actually so many things that I find it quite hard to articulate. Even in my own head. The thing is we have more or less moved in with him. Me and my 8 year old son. So it's more than just the two of us involved.

HerHissyness Mon 18-Jul-11 13:46:59

well you can more or less move OUT then!

end it.

lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 14:15:14

Yes I suppose that's what I've been mulling over. But would I be being selfish if I did? Should I persevere? Should I try a bit harder to see things from his pov? Should I make more of an effort? I just don't know if it's worth it. He seems to become more and more offensive as the days go on.

Ephiny Mon 18-Jul-11 14:22:13

It doesn't sound as though you like each other very much. I don't think you have to have 'fireworks' for a relationship to work, but you do need to have love and respect for each other, enjoy each other's company etc.

Maybe you need to have a very honest talk about how both of you are feeling and where things are going. Would you benefit from some time apart (presumably if you've only 'more or less' moved in with him, then you have your own place as well?)

lovelydogs Mon 18-Jul-11 14:30:33

Thanks Ephiny, yes I think a chat is the way to go. Yes still have my own place was thinking of going back for a while. We also have a 2 week holiday coming up (without DP) so will give us both time to think.

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