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Pretty sure he's at it again

(4 Posts)
walesblackbird Mon 18-Jul-11 04:14:40

Around 17 months ago I discovered my dh's EA. He swears that at the time it wasn't physical and only became physical once I'd discovered and threw him out.

We were apart for some months but agreed to give it another go. It's been a really hard period since and I still don't trust him.

Tonight I found a text on his phone from someone with a male name referring to him as sweetie. I confronted him and he gave some old bullshit.

He swore to me that it was innocent - yeah right like I believe that one - and we parted company not on friendly terms.

When he was asleep I checked his phone and found a message - addressed to a man but not the same one - saying Miss You So Much x.

I've forwarded both texts and nos to my phone and having done a bit of digging have found out that it's indeed a woman - both nos belong to same woman - and someone I know that he knows in London. Says it's been a working relationship and that he's known her for some years.

He's now trying to tell me that he didn't send that text - having sneakily deleted it - and that I'm imagining things. How can he go on and deny it when I read the bloody thing. Just how stupid does he think I am.

We're meant to be going on holiday with our three children in less than 2 weeks time. Clearly now I can't be with him but he's hiding his head in the sand and saying there's nothing going on. Well, bollocks to that.

How can he continue to lie in the face of the evidence?

I've texted her asking her if she's having an affair with my husband - no reply to that one

So, what next?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 18-Jul-11 04:23:18

Oh, dear. Deleting the text and telling you you'd imagined it is just deeply stupid panicking behaviour, isn't it?

What next - seriously, what I'd be doing at this point is collating all financial information and having a think about contacting a family lawyer. That doesn't commit you to anything, but it does give you more knowledge and more power behind you to go on with.

I'm so sorry for you. This sounds incredibly hard.

oliviasmama Mon 18-Jul-11 05:13:16

Is there any chance that you could take your children on holiday without him and ask him to move out whilst your away?...if of course, that is what you want. I don't say this lightly as I'm all for a bit of digging in and battling things out when things get slightly rough in relationships but I'd imagine you would find it hard to ever trust him again now which in my book = no future for the relationship.

I agree with Tortoise, contact a good solicitor, knowledge is power.

Really sorry, it's awful for you.

Jerseyellie Mon 18-Jul-11 06:20:04

IME the person cheating will always turn it on the other in the relationship. A classic sign of guilt is making out what u have seen or what your gut instinct is telling u is either not there or they belittle u making u feel paranoid. I don't think a cheater changes, they get caught in the adrenalin rush of it all and addicted. You need to decide what you want and what is acceptable in your relationship, then make a plan. I'm sorry I have kids involved and that you are going through this.

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