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I hate the situation with my husband's female friend & other things!

(104 Posts)
lyrafromoxford Sun 17-Jul-11 16:55:08

When we met DH had a female friend. I had a gut feeling there was more to it (plus suggestive/intimate things she posted on his facebook). He told me that she faniced hi, then admitted she had "seduced" him, quite a few times, ove several months, but he'd knocked it on the head months before we met.

She sent some nasty emails when she found out about us... about him 'using her' him being really nasty, etc, etc. I asked him to not be alone with her anymore - due to her having feelings for him, and that she'd seduced him before. He agreed, though she still sent emails begging him to be friends - so I sent one, being nice etc, and requested her on facebook - she refused & asked DH why I'd emailed her.

I got pregnant soon after, and she asked DH for help with buying a car, fixing her computer, lifts to hospital etc. But he was never in her house AFAIK.

After DD was born, he went to her house to fix her computer (again), a few times. I decided to pick my battles, and let it slide.

DD is one now & I'm pregnant again. I came home from town a few weeks ago to find her here, with DH (dropping off another computer to be fixed). She was pleasant, played with DD & offered to babysit (which DH happily accepted). DD did find a 'ball-stretcher' on the sofa - which DH said he'd moved whilst painting (and could well be true). Again I let it slide and said nothing.

She came again on DH's birthday. There was an atmosphere & DH's pupil's dialted when he spoke to her, and he seemed nervous. She told me that my hair made me look awful (it's highlighted) and I looked much better with black hair (making me feel like crap). I felt so uncomfortable.

He went to her house today (to return computer) and was gone over two hours. He's been really happy & chatty since he got home (trying to stave off an argument I think)... but I'm so unhappy. I don't think he fancies her, but I feel upset that he's gone back on his promise to not see her alone. He also let her off paying for bits for her computer - whereas my DS had to pay for his laptop to be fixed.

I don't know what to think. Sex is not much between us now - I fancy DH like mad - but don't feel it's reciprocated. He comes to bed late, and it's quite mundane - and lately seems to consist of me giving him a BJ or handjob - I want passion, I want him to want me... I'm so sad, and pathetic.

coccyx Sun 17-Jul-11 16:57:00

Hmm, I would be wary

FuzzpigFourFiveSix Sun 17-Jul-11 16:57:57

Well regardless of this woman he seems a bit of a knob.

WTF is a 'ball-stretcher' though?!

Sossiges Sun 17-Jul-11 16:59:15

You're not sad and pathetic - HE is

PhilipJFry Sun 17-Jul-11 16:59:38

He's being incredibly disrespectful. You are not pathetic at all. Something very weird is going on here and it's making you unhappy because you've picked up on it.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sun 17-Jul-11 17:00:22

What PhilipJFry said

and what's a ball-stretcher?

ScarlettIsWalking Sun 17-Jul-11 17:00:35

What is a " ball stretcher" ?

slartybartfast Sun 17-Jul-11 17:00:42

yes, what is a ball stretcher.

and he needs to keep his word about visiting her. it is unfair on you.

Reality Sun 17-Jul-11 17:00:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bohica Sun 17-Jul-11 17:02:30

Like the others have said, whats a ball stretcher?

Reality Sun 17-Jul-11 17:03:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lyrafromoxford Sun 17-Jul-11 17:03:19

LOL a ball-stretcher is a tight ring he puts on his balls, which he likes to wear during sex.

I did find photos of his genitals (20 in total) on our camera in February - he took them last year when I had DD. He swears that he took them for me when he was horny (I never got them though), and sticks to this... I've (sadly) trawled sex dating sites, as i can't believe him.

FlubbaBubba Sun 17-Jul-11 17:03:30

You're neither sad nor pathetic, but I would also be wary. Treading on dodgy ground in my (jealous, but maybe not humble) opinion.

Just seen that your DH made your DS pay for his laptop to be fixed??! WTF is that all about.

Also have no clue what a "ball-stretcher" is?!

Doha Sun 17-Jul-11 17:03:48

Just google it shock

<<runs away to vomit in a corner>>>

FabbyChic Sun 17-Jul-11 17:03:50

he made your son pay but he does hers for free? he is taking the piss big time.

Tell him no more enough is enough, he either drops her or he fucks off.

Reality Sun 17-Jul-11 17:05:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlubbaBubba Sun 17-Jul-11 17:06:38

Oh! Just seen your explanation! Why the feck is that lying around unless it's been used?!!

WHY would any bloke think pics of their genitals would be nice for a poor unsuspecting woman to see?! confused

How old is your DS that he has a laptop? (and therefore, I would assume, is old enough to access your camera/be able to ask about the ball-stretcher)? I would want DH to keep these things to himself/yourselves at least (regardless of the OW)

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch Sun 17-Jul-11 17:06:50

YANBU and if he cared a jot about you and your feelings, he would do something to stop this stupid infatuated woman from interfering in your lives. He is not the only person in the world who can fix computers/cars/shelves etc. She can bloody well go and get someone else to do it for her.

If he is starting to find her company (sans children) more entertaining than yours, then you have a much bigger problem to contend with.

TELL him that you are not happy - STOP "letting things slide", you are giving him a false green light that you are ok with this.

In the end, it's down to him whether or not he cheats on you (I'm not saying he is, by the way) BUT you might as well attempt to eliminate at least one chance of it in this woman.

DunderMifflin Sun 17-Jul-11 17:09:19

There's a reason you're feeling wary - she's trying her best to make you feel insecure and he should realise that this situation is not right.

As for the ball stretcher shock - WTF was it on the sofa?!

DunderMifflin Sun 17-Jul-11 17:11:49

FlubbaBubba - I think it was the actual ball-stretcher on the sofa and not an image of it...

lyrafromoxford Sun 17-Jul-11 17:12:39

We've been together two years (rushed into marriage 7 weeks after meeting - mad I know).

I have bipolar & he's using my paranoia against me - telling me it's all in my head. He's making me paranoid though - I've never been in relationship before.

At DD's birthday party he spent all the time chatting with my sister - outside then when she came in he came too. I was upset, but again have said nothing as I don't want to be painted as paranoid.

He's on his laptop till the early hours, and when I've caught him looking at porn type photos - or used undies on ebay - he quickly shuts the page down.

I have nothing against porn - we used to watch it together.

When I was pregnant he went abroad on holiday (alone), and went again when DD was 4 months old, and that's not helped. On the photos he showed me, I spotted two coffee cups... he says that the cups were small so he needed two - I don't know what to think.

PhilipJFry Sun 17-Jul-11 17:13:08

If I was in your position by the way I would be upset and furious. My partner can be friends with whoever the hell he likes, but if there is someone he is friends with that has a long-term crush on him, has seduced him repeatedly and acted disrespectfully to me I would expect there to be a limit placed on that friendship. I wouldn't say "never see them" but I would be unhappy with them doing all these favours and things and seeing them one on one when I'd asked for him not to. And if this was a person who talked to me the way she did to you I would be even more upset. What exactly he is playing at here? She sounds awful and there should be boundaries, as a sign of respect for you (his wife, ffs) and the relationship you have together.

He KNOWS this upsets you or he wouldn't be trying to stave off an argument. The ballstretcher on the couch, the photos of his genitals and the time spent alone together would make me suspicious.

Sossiges Sun 17-Jul-11 17:13:52

"Her or me" time

Reality Sun 17-Jul-11 17:13:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sossiges Sun 17-Jul-11 17:16:45

You may be bipolar, I'm not, but I would be extremely fucking paranoid in this situation

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