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DP choked me during sex. upset

(76 Posts)
isitjustmeorwhat Sun 17-Jul-11 12:30:30

last night when we were having sex DP put both his hands around my neck, which he has done before but this time he went one step further and actually pushed down hard on my neck until I almost passed out.

I was a bit shocked tbh and wanted to stop altogether after that. I told him to stop but he carried on even though he knew I didn't like it.

Thinking about it today I am really really upset. Am I overreacting?

mumblechum1 Sun 17-Jul-11 12:31:32

No, you're not overreacting. That is horrible. Have you spoken to him about it today?

Pagwatch Sun 17-Jul-11 12:32:50

No. You are not over reacting. Of course you are not.
That is awful.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sun 17-Jul-11 12:33:10

You are not over reacting at all. Are you saying you told him to stop having sex and he carried on?

Squitten Sun 17-Jul-11 12:34:38

If a man did that to me I don't think I could let him touch me ever again

BluddyMoFo Sun 17-Jul-11 12:35:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MardyBra Sun 17-Jul-11 12:48:39

Of course you're not overreacting. It sounds horrific, you poor thing. It appears he has some serious issues.

FriggFRIGG Sun 17-Jul-11 12:50:09


you need to have serous 'words'
i dont think id ever be able to let him touch me again.
out of the blue like that,and not stopping when you told him to? shock just shock and angry for you.

jenny60 Sun 17-Jul-11 12:55:00

You're not being at all unreasonable. That is rape. I'm so sorry.


Are you ok? Have you spoken about it?

GwendolineMaryLacey Sun 17-Jul-11 12:55:32

shock There are so many things wrong with that whole situation.

iMemoo Sun 17-Jul-11 12:56:21

You told him to stop and he carried on?! You need to get rid pronto.

iMemoo Sun 17-Jul-11 12:56:38

Are you ok?

buzzsore Sun 17-Jul-11 12:57:18

Um, when he carried on after you asked him to stop, it became rape and assault. You withdrew consent. Whether you find it useful or more upsetting to think of it in those terms, I don't know.

What he did could have killed you - asphyxiation can be very dangerous play, and if you do indulge in this sort of thing he should absolutely stop when you ask him to.

I don't know where you want to go from here, but you are not over-reacting and are right to be upset. Does he still think what he did was OK?

MardyBra Sun 17-Jul-11 12:59:03

When you asked him to stop, he should have stopped. In fact he shouldn't have done it in the first place unless it was a consensual act. What I'm not clear about is whether you also asked him to stop having sex with you and whether he continued against your will. I hope you are ok.

MumblingRagDoll Sun 17-Jul-11 13:03:40

Wasn't there a thread about this only last week?

susiedaisy Sun 17-Jul-11 13:12:01

Has this hands round your neck thing always been part of your relationship?? Sounds vile, hope your ok you really need to talk to him about thissad

isitjustmeorwhat Sun 17-Jul-11 13:30:29

Yes I told him to stop having sex with me and he ignored me and got even more violent. It isn't the first time he has done it but last night was different. I was so scared, as soon as it was over I got my stuff together and left. I haven't spoken to him today yet and not sure what to say to him confused
Yes I told him to stop having sex with me but he didn't

isitjustmeorwhat Sun 17-Jul-11 13:32:22

i'm repeating myself there, sorry im a state today but didnt know if I was overreacting, thats what he told me when i left

Lee19010 Sun 17-Jul-11 13:35:34

I hope you would like a mans view on this matter. I agree with all the recent posts and agree this act was totally wrong and he should not have done it to start with . You were quite right to leave him if he does things like this. Be strong.

iMemoo Sun 17-Jul-11 13:38:32

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry. What an awful ordeal. You do understand that he raped you don't you?

iMemoo Sun 17-Jul-11 13:40:02

Just wondering, Do you need to get medical help? Are you hurt?

jenny60 Sun 17-Jul-11 13:42:53

I'm really sorry but glad you got away. Please stay away from this man. He is a dangerous rapist. Do you have anyone in RL to speak to?

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Sun 17-Jul-11 13:43:41

never ever ever see him again ( i assume from your post that you "got your stuff and left" means you live in seperate houses)

next time you could end up dead, i'm not trying to be Jeremy Kyle dramatic, but since he didn't stop, what is to say next time he keeps going that bit too long??? could be that's his ultimate fantasy... sorry for you.

be strong and do NOT let him back in your life.

D0G Sun 17-Jul-11 13:44:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDameSansMerci Sun 17-Jul-11 13:45:24

Please, get this man out of your life. He has assaulted you.

Look after yourself today. Be kind to yourself. Please.

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