Okay- bear with me. Name changed.
After years and years with DP I have begun to find his techniques a turn off. We had a quickie this morning and it was just plain...boring.
I am very embarrassed to admit this but the big O with DP has never happened. There, said it. I get so far, and he gets so turned on- he almost comes with the excitement of me getting excited- and I mean when he's not even inside me- that I hold back and go off the boil. His over-excitement puts me under pressure, if that makes sense?
He's also a quiet sort of bloke and that makes me a bit repressed. So I hold back.
But lately our repetoire seems to have become even more limited. Quick feel and kiss of the boobs, play down below ( for as long as I want, I have to say) , and then he's ready for it. And I am not.
He rarely goes down on me as he has this idea I don't like it. I do, but because he hardly does it, I think he doesn't like it- even though he says he does. So I won't ask him to as I feel he isn't keen. So it's become a bit of an elephant in the room.
I really don't know if we are simply not "right" for each other, if the chemistry is not there, or what. I feel very detached all the time, as if it's happening to someone else.
Anyone?
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Relationships
Is everyone's sex life like this?
itsnotfridaynightbut · 17/07/2011 10:19
Do things to him and tell him what you want him to do to you. If you want him to go down on you sit on his face, he might take the hint 
it sounds as if you're in a bit of a rut but unless he has a fully functioning crystal ball he won't actually know what's going on in your mind and what you want from him. It's easy to get into a rut and it's just as easy to change it.
It sounds as if you find him inept, has it always been like this or has it gone off the boil recently?
He's always been a bit inept
He's very willing, but won't talk much, and was very shy for years- shy about me seeing him naked etc.
I'd like him to be a bit more forceful whereas he pussy foots around trying not to do anything I won't like- but at the same time not doing anything I do like much! I want him to be a bit more Alpha male , which I'd find a turn-on. He's also not very imaginative when it comes to touching me....
Oh! If he's focusing a lot just on those areas, try banning them completely. Set yourself a challenge. You have to turn each other on without touching anywhere which would normally be covered by underwear. The first to crack loses. I'm sure you can dream up a suitable forfeit! 
It's very interesting as you end up very sensitive.
So he won't go down on you because he thinks you don't like it, but secretly you do, and you won't ask him to do it, because even though he says he likes it, you think he secretly doesn't?
Basically, I think you have two options:
- Wait for a rare once in a lifetime astrological alignment of the planets which will lead to the awakening of his dormant sixth sense and enable him to instantly read your mind and understand your every intimate desire.
Or
- Go the mundane route and talk to him about your sexual needs and desires in an open and frank way, and stop trying to second guess that he means one thing when he tells you another.
Seeing as option 1 doesn't seem to be working out to well for you at the moment, perhaps you could think about giving option 2 a try?
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