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I want to get divorced but don't seem the gut to do it

(9 Posts)
MadamM Sat 16-Jul-11 21:41:17

H and I are on the verge of divorce. I can write a long list of things that aren't right starting by his non involvement with the dcs to his total inability to communicate (I mean talking - about something, anything would be a start). At some point he could easlily have fallen into the category of EA althought he has made a big effort and this isn't a issue anymore.

However, as soon as I mentioned the fact things aren't right between us (like as I mentioned the fact I felt sad over the state of our relationship as I didn't think we are going anywhere), he starts crying and I just can not tell him it is over. It's like my rescue/supportive side kickes off and I find myself reassuring him instead hmm.
We've had one these conversations a few days ago and I am finding myself in a position where I will try (again) to make it work. Even though We've bee there before and it didn't work. Even though, after all these years, I have lost trust and can't see how I could recover from that.

So how on earth will I be able to tell him it's finished?

SagaciousCloud Sat 16-Jul-11 21:57:21

Do you think that you need his agreement or permission to get divorced?

Start doing some research about divorce, find a solicitor, start copying essential documents. Don't wait for him to do something he doesn't want to do.

MadamM Sat 16-Jul-11 22:02:49

No it's not that. More that I still care enough about him not to want make him suffer (and all the threads on here about a DW whose H has left leaves me in no doubt that he will find it hard).

but I am not in love with him anymore (+ a lot of other things)

MadamM Sun 17-Jul-11 10:17:38


ChasingSquirrels Sun 17-Jul-11 10:22:03

While it isn't so bad that you end it - is it actually over?
I guess everyone has a threshold (different for everyone) at which point they will say "enough is enough".
How do you tell him? When you reach your threshold I guess.

It is horrible, for everyone, take care.

MadamM Sun 17-Jul-11 10:40:51

Is it over? I don't enjoy spending time with him, I find him more and more irritating. We haven't had sex for months (and very little for years). Now really because I can't face having sex with him. There is no intimacy.
So yes I think we can say it's over, at least for myself.

You are right in some ways I haven't reach my threshold. but then I can see things slowly getting worse and it looks like a long slow torture for everyone concerned (It is obvious to me that neither of us are happy in the current situation). I am not sure it's the best way to go.

MuthaHubbard Sun 17-Jul-11 11:41:38

sounds rather similar to how things where with my xh (though without the crying - would just laugh it off and stick head further in sand).

i did reach my threshold when he booked a holiday for himself to visit his family (in south africa) without telling me. i LOVED him not being there and that's when i sought legal advice and built up the courage to tell him. we met for lunch and i told him (figured that at least in a public place he wouldn't kick off/get upset etc) and once we talked and realised both where to blame and i wasn't after anything or wanting to take the kids away from him, things were v amicable.

MadamM Sun 17-Jul-11 13:56:35

Sticking head in the sand ... that sounds familiar too.


FabbyChic Sun 17-Jul-11 13:59:48

If you want to be happy you have to get up the guts to either leave or ask him to.

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