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What is your dh like when you are incapacitated?

(28 Posts)
PonceyMcPonce Sat 16-Jul-11 12:12:40

For context, my dh is a great guy. He mucks in, works hard, considerate, good in bed wink , but today is being a wanker!

I have a short term medical condition which means lot of drugs, felling a bit grotty and laying with leg in the air to avoid hospital admission. Need to stop infection spreading to bloodstream.

Yesterday he drove me to docs, not wise for me to, drove me to late night pharmacy ( in supermarket) and was annoyed that I did not want to pick up groceries for the week whilst there to 'save time'.

Today, he seems surprised that I am not back to normal.

Can he actually be that stupid?

squeakytoy Sat 16-Jul-11 12:18:45

Sounds like mine too! grin

When I was ill with suspected pneumonia a few years ago, unable to eat because I was coughing so much, and too weak to get out of bed for a few days, he thought he was being considerate bring me KFC in bed... hmm

BluddyMoFo Sat 16-Jul-11 12:23:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PonceyMcPonce Sat 16-Jul-11 12:37:41

I fear my dh is either stupid or inconsiderate in this case. I am peed off either way.

cjbartlett Sat 16-Jul-11 12:40:33

Well he did drive to the gp and late night pharmacy

Clarabumps Sat 16-Jul-11 12:40:54


blackeyedsusan Sat 16-Jul-11 12:45:18

he complained that he had to look after his own child and he couldn't manage washing up or other tasks while looking after the children. hmm for about one week he had more respect for what i got done... then back to his normal self.

PonceyMcPonce Sat 16-Jul-11 12:45:59

Surely driving me is standard behaviour? I would have done that for a friend or neighbour, let alone spouse. One friend offered in fact

PonceyMcPonce Sat 16-Jul-11 12:47:26

Also, I could have got taxis, but if hospitalised he would have had all three dc solo. And how would he work on Monday?

springboksaplenty Sat 16-Jul-11 12:55:42

I am going to openly brag about my dh now - he is super! he looks after me when I am ill like he's trying to usurp florence nightingale. I'd never really needed it before until after ds birth - but I think he was so scared he was going to lose me that he was walking on eggshells when I first came home.

Namechangerlicious Sat 16-Jul-11 13:08:20

Sorry to hear some of you aren't being looked after properly sad

I have to say, my DH is superb when I'm ill. Even if I've only got a headache, he will insist on cooking tea and doing everything (he won't go so far as to do the housework necessarily though!)

I had a really terrible bout of flu last year and was laid up in bed for 4 days. During that time he looked after the kids, brought me medication, hot water bottles, food and drinks and looked after the house.

Another time he had gone to work very early one day and I was still asleep when he left. When i woke up I had hurt my neck and couldn't move at all except for my left arm. I was able to reach my phone and call him. He came straight home (60 miles) and took the rest of the day and the next day off to wait on me hand and foot! He's a superstar smile

RoyalWelsh Sat 16-Jul-11 13:17:36

I haven't been really properly ill, but one morning while he was still asleep, I got upto get ready for work, fainted in the bathroom then fainted again as I tried to get from the bathroom to the bedroom to tell him I felt awful. He must have heard me hit the deck the second time round, because (he tells me) he leapt out of bed, tried to wake me up and couldn't,so called...

his mum grin bless his heart. Who promptly told him to call an ambulance.

Now, I had no clothes on and had just that morning come on my period but didn't have any underwear/sanitary stuff on as I had not managed to get back to the bedroom to sort myself out, but he managed to figure out how to put a pad on some knickers, get them on me and get me back to the bed before I had eben 'come round.'

He then had to do a manic tidy up before the paramedics came, throw the dog in the bathroom (because the 999 operator told him to make sure there were no pets around) chuck the cat out, clear up new-panicky-dog crap from the kitchen and then encourage me to put my dressing gown on.

I was coming round by the time the paramedics (and his mother) came in and in my dazed state the only thing I could think of saying was "but there are no pillow cases on the pillows. I'm sorry, there are no pillow cases on the pillows. I would open my eyes, but I don't want to see no pillow cases..." for about half an hour.

My DP is ace. Good thread, I had forgotten his aceness this morning as he had forgotten to set the alarm grin

Namechangerlicious Sat 16-Jul-11 13:20:58

grin at pillowcase worry! Bless him, your DH sounds wonderful to have done what he did.

BertieBotts Sat 16-Jul-11 13:23:53

XP was rubbish when I was ill too and used to get annoyed if I wasn't better straight away hmm of course when he was ill it was a full on man flu routine! Actually the thing that prompted me to leave him in the end was when I was throwing up and he came home from work, in relief I said "Help, come and get DS" (who was 9 months old and very interested to see what I was doing in the toilet...) and XP came up the stairs, took one look, didn't even bother to ask if I was okay but said "Great. You've given yourself food poisoning, and probably DS as well." shock

DP is really good, I haven't been ill since we've been together but when I had a hangover blush he made me breakfast and looked after DS, even though he isn't his dad and at the time didn't even live here.

DH is not good. He affects sympathy, and will make me a cuppa in the morning, but still expects me to pretty much do everything for DS (3.7). He will take him out for a couple of hours though if I need a rest; but I still have to get him ready etc.
He does do the cooking when I'm ill but we share that anyway. Nothing else gets done, it's left for me to do when I'm better. This is expected after a maximum of 2 days.

To be fair, he doesn't collapse under illness himself but he does do that really fecking annoying thing of working through the day and then expecting to be looked after and pampered in the evening because he's "not well". Last week when he had this virus that I now have, he even wanted to go and play tennis in the evening, after telling me he couldn't cook dinner "because he's ill". shock I told him where he could stick that idea!

BluddyMoFo Sat 16-Jul-11 14:26:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DH is pretty good. Looks after me and the boys, although the TV features a lot for DS1!
The house is normally ok-ish, but he wouldn't get as far as actual housework, only clearing up after meals and a bit of tidying unless I prompted him from my sickbed.

garlicbutter Sat 16-Jul-11 14:35:56

When I was with X#1, I had a very short but life-threatening illness. My GP was coming round twice a day to check on me, administer drugs, etc. After a couple of days, the doc cornered H in another room and gave him a massive bollocking for not feeding & watering me properly - H just kept moaning about having to take care of himself.

I stayed with him for ages but, looking back, that was when I realised who he really was. I just didn't want to admit it.

glasscompletelybroken Sat 16-Jul-11 16:03:23

Well I don't know but am having a minor op next month so will find out then I guess! My exH was awful and shoued at me if I was ill (just his strange way of (not) coping I think) so i am hoping for an improvement on that!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Sat 16-Jul-11 16:30:19

Bloody fantastic. I'm sorry that so many are so shit.

I have been really incapacitated. Long term incapacitated. (I am not any more)

My husband did everything. Was my carer. Did everything for the children. For a few years. Without complaining or acting like it was a big deal. When anyone tried to praise him, he would brush it aside because it was no big deal to him, he was just looking after his family "like any man would do."

Except - any man wouldn't, it seems.

I have forgiven him a great deal over the years because of his total fabulousness in areas like this grin

RoyalWelsh Sat 16-Jul-11 20:16:59

Themagnificent - I just welled up a little at "like any man would do." In a good way, obviously.

CMOTdibbler Sat 16-Jul-11 20:28:52

Mine is brilliant tbh - I had an accident a year ago, and while I was in hospital and then incapacitated dh coped uncomplainingly with all the house stuff, ds, his work etc with no help at all. And since then, he's been a total tower of strength as I have had further treatment and surgery, plus coming to terms with my disability

faintpositive Sat 16-Jul-11 20:36:22

so while in hospital last week he brought me a bag.
in the bag was:

3 bras
i set trachy bottoms
a towel.


schroeder Sat 16-Jul-11 22:43:20

DH is terrible- he will look after the dc, but just leaves me to it.

So when I was clinging to the bed with vertigo, he brought me one glass of juice all day. He came up (our bedroom is on the second floor) and told me he had got me a nice rhubarb yoghurt (my favourite). Didn't bring it up though just teased me with the idea of it hmm.

It's not that he doesn't care; it just doesn't occur to him to offer anything, he waits to be asked and when I feel shit I find it even harder than usual to ask. [freak]

JoleneJoleneJoleneJoleeene Sat 16-Jul-11 22:47:52

Your dh must try harder, op.

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