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Do you think anyone ever just doesn't get over it?

(31 Posts)
GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 14-Jul-11 22:00:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holyShmoley Thu 14-Jul-11 22:02:45

just read My Mother's Lover and that would suggest that yes there are some people

onepieceofcremeegg Thu 14-Jul-11 22:03:18

I think that most people do move on eventually, but obviously the time scales vary.
For people that truly don't/can't move on; sometimes (imo) it is to do with unresolved childhood issues and they already may have issues with security/abandonment/neediness etc. So the real issue may not even be the relationship ending but it may stem from past stuff.

akaemmafrost Thu 14-Jul-11 22:06:36

I think one of my friends Mum is like this. She never had another boyfriend or husband etc after she split from friends Dad.

OR

He was a controlling wanker who put her off men for life.

I deliberate between the two as you never really know what goes on in other peoples relationships do you?

Mumbrane Thu 14-Jul-11 22:08:16

My grandfather left my grandmother when they were both in their early 50s and had been married about 25 years. She never looked at another man, never took her wedding ring off and would never discuss him, marriage, romantic love etc again. She never got over him. never got over him leaving her. End of story.

Hassled Thu 14-Jul-11 22:08:33

I think the passage of time coupled with lack of exposure to the person probably "cures" most of us. What those people are aching for probably isn't the actual person - it's a romanticised ideal of how their life could have been.

Tillyscoutsmum Thu 14-Jul-11 22:10:31

I have a friend who was with an abusive, controlling twat. They split 5 years ago and have a child together. He is a shit dad - always cancelling access arrangements at the last minute, not paying child support etc. yet she still loves him and misses him. She knows she doesn't want him back. Realises she is better off without him but just can not move on. Its very sad really sad

Rooble Thu 14-Jul-11 22:10:56

Yes, my MIL. Has moved on, remarried, but can't stop talking about FIL and what he did to her. Feels that everything he does (20 years down the line) shows spectacular lack of consideration for her feelings (like going on holiday to places they went to as a family).
It's really sad, because I don't think she really crosses his mind - he has totally moved on - and if I were my SFIL I'd find it quite hmmmm.

akaemmafrost Thu 14-Jul-11 22:11:49

Oh just remembered my Grandma as well. She was a staunch catholic and would not divorce my Grandad even when she found out he was shacked up with someone else with another family. She considered herself his wife until the day he died sad.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 14-Jul-11 22:14:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jbabyj Thu 14-Jul-11 22:17:53

think i might be 1 of those people. for whatever reason think im still in love with my 1st bf who is still a friend. there has always been something between us i wonder if we are meant to be together. evidence points to no seen as he is travelling with his girlfriend but i cant let it go. realise i might just be distracting myself or maybe just loosing the plot??

kerala Thu 14-Jul-11 22:22:05

Miss haversham

lachesis Thu 14-Jul-11 22:23:31

Yes, there are definitely some people like this.

anothermum92 Thu 14-Jul-11 22:24:58

Message withdrawn

wtfdoido Thu 14-Jul-11 22:31:35

I know someone who claimed to only ever have really been in love once with her first BF and to have never really gotten over it, she even told her husband that! But me and other friends of hers who knew her troubled history and suspected there was more to it. Her dad moved out when she was 5, she was heartbroken, had only sporadic contact with him due to her mum trying to stop him (which the mum admitted to) and finally had a good relationship when she was an adult. He sadly died within a couple of years of them reconnecting, so in effect she lost him twice. She split up with first BF around the same time (v early twenties). A few years later she had bereavement counselling after a totally disproportionate reaction to an aquaintances death and it all came out. Now she thinks her first BF was a dick who did her a favour by dumping her.

So yes there are, but as someone else said, there are usually underlying ishoos.

jbabyj Thu 14-Jul-11 22:32:44

anothermum - 8yrs?

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 14-Jul-11 22:42:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wtfdoido Thu 14-Jul-11 22:54:55

But thats not loving someone and not getting over it, thats missing what you had and what might have been. We all do that occasionally.

The person and you will have changed immeasurably over the years so if you got back with them then you wouldnt get the version of them that you loved then, you would get the new version which is probably nothing like you remember.

lachesis Thu 14-Jul-11 22:55:53

'So yes there are, but as someone else said, there are usually underlying ishoos.'

Not always.

maleview70 Thu 14-Jul-11 23:23:38

Weird how people can have a hold. I still think about a girl I met on a course 23 years ago. We spent 3 days together. We met once more afterwards then she went travelling to Australia and we wrote to each other for a year. It was fleeting but I still wonder if she may have been the one that got away...laughable really isn't it.

ChizChizChiz Thu 14-Jul-11 23:33:05

jbabyj - try 15 [wry smile]

And I've been married since then. And I'm now in a relationship with a lovely man who makes me very happy. But I still check up and down the tube carriage every morning in the vague hope that he might be there.

I ended it, too. Some people just get under your skin. I've moved on - and I'm happy in my life - but I'll never get over him, not completely.

zippy539 Thu 14-Jul-11 23:41:15

I've got one of those maleview. Twenty years after a very brief fling I still dream about him regularly. It's bizarre. it wasn't even a relationship that was going to work - and I was certain of that even at the time. But obviously something in the back of my brain disagrees! smile

MardyBra Thu 14-Jul-11 23:53:34

My MiL. He was having an affair for about 15 years but they stayed together "for the kids". Now divorced for over 20 years (he's still with OW). I don't think she's moved on really. They married too young before they knew what they really wanted out of life - and he found it elsewhere.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 14-Jul-11 23:55:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueeferSutherland Thu 14-Jul-11 23:57:27

Yes, my MOther is one of them.sad

My Dad left her 25 years ago for OW. She is still very, very bitter.

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