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Personal question: how many times a month?

(21 Posts)
bail Wed 13-Jul-11 19:51:47

This is a really personal question and I feel odd asking it, but hey ho my curiousity has got the better of me!

How many times a month do you and your DH/DP have sex?

I only recently joined mumsnet and I am sure this has probably been covered in depth previously, so sorry if that is the case.

The media projects the image that it is either one thing or the other i.e. everyone is having sex 4x a week, or no married couple has sex more than once a year! So I really have no idea what the reality is. Obviously there are going to be extremes on either side, but there must be a normal range.

My DH and I... I reckon on average about 3x a month, sometimes 4x a month. More frequently before we had DS, but we seemed to have settled into this pattern for the time being. We have been together 5 years in total, married 1.5 years and have one DS. Is this in the normal range?!

Me and the ex-h probably about once every couple of weeks at the very most - but we were old and married a long time and he is/was a knob and the sex was crap and not always consensual

Me and DP loads and loads and loads. Tons. Which is why I am pregnant blush And I am still old. And he is older. blush

ShowOfHands Wed 13-Jul-11 19:57:27

Normal is a frequency that both partners are happy with. Some people will be at it every seventh second, others will indulge only on high days and holidays.

If you're happy, I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing. There isn't such a thing as 'average' or 'normal' where sexual relations are concerned.

BerylOfLaughs Wed 13-Jul-11 20:01:07

0-1

GrownUpNow Wed 13-Jul-11 20:02:04

With my exP it was normal to have it maybe once or twice.

With my current partner I said 30-60 and he said 30, so once a day at least.

It does just vary, so rather than comparing yourself with others, I'd go with what feels right to you and your partner.

bail Wed 13-Jul-11 20:02:43

Thanks for comments. Not worried, just curious and I guess just wanted some kind of benchmark.

Not to be pedantic about it, but of course there is going to be a normal range and an average. If you ask a group of people a question and the response is a number, then from that info you can work out an average and a normal range.

bail Wed 13-Jul-11 20:04:19

Thanks GrownUpNow. Wow, that is quite a figure!! Yes, it does feel right I guess and that is important.

eslteacher Thu 14-Jul-11 00:04:13

Been with DP almost 2 years, no kids together but he has a DS (so my DSS) its usually 2 - 3 times per week. So...8-12 times per month.

Just wanted to say that part of me fears losing my sex drive if I have a child (based on tiredness if nothing else). If I could know that I'd still be feeling sexy and having sex three or four times per month after having a kid, I'd be happy!

I remember reading an article that said it was hard to define any "normal" range for frequency of sex in a relationship, even when grouping couples by age/number of years together/children or no there was massive, massive variation. The only conclusion that the article drew was that generally amount of sex does decrease in any given relationship over time, but that couples who had a "higher than average" amount of sex in the early stages of their relationship were likely to continue having a "higher than average" amount of sex in later stages of their relationship. So even though they had less sex than they did before, it was still a higher amount compared to their peers in the same age bracket or relationship-length bracket or whatever. Same goes for couples having a lower-than-average amount of sex at the beginning, it would generally continue to be lower than average always. Unfortunately I can't remember where I read this article, maybe it was in the Guardian?

eslteacher Thu 14-Jul-11 00:16:06

Found it!

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/24/love-by-numbers-dillner

thesunshinesbrightly Thu 14-Jul-11 00:28:51

Been together about year and half and at least once or twice everyday.

BitOfFun Thu 14-Jul-11 00:34:37

A lot less since we got a puppy that is too cute to kick out of bed...it just seems a bit, well, rude.

bail Thu 14-Jul-11 09:04:23

Riverboat - in my experience my sex drive has not waned since birth of DS. HOWEVER, the sensation is not quite so pleasureable as before (due to reduced sensitivity which I don;t think will ever return to normal. Sorry if TMI) and I am not going to kid myself - this will probably result in a reduction in sex drive over time. However, I do not envisage significantly because being intimate is still great itself.

You are concerned about this issue and I would say that the very fact that you are concerned indicates you will not 'let yourself go' and then not feel sexy and then not feel like sex. I was also concerned before I had DS but I look after myself i.e. hair decent, bit of make-up, gym, and consequently feel o'k about myself which I think contributes to still wanting sex.

Sorry, gone off on a tangent but wanted to address this particular concern of yours.

Thanks for the link

QueeferSutherland Thu 14-Jul-11 11:49:41

3-4 times.

Not enough for me, more than plenty for him.sad

Quality is usually excellent though. Sometimes he wants it over as quickly as poss.

FlamingFanjo Thu 14-Jul-11 14:24:02

Probably 2-3 a week. Sometimes I'd like it more but he takes medication at night which makes him sleep so him being awake (& UP) in the morning is rare. But the quality of the sex is amazing. I always cum blush so I'm not worried.

I think quality over quantity and as long as you are both happy, it doesn't matter how many times a night/week/month

Awomancalledhorse Thu 14-Jul-11 14:29:07

Once or twice a day.
When I first got pg we went through the whole first trimester without it, which I'd rather never do again. We've been together 3 years, married for just over one & have our first LO due in December.

But if you're both happy having it as often as you do & it's quality sex then why should it matter how often other people have it!

PaperView Thu 14-Jul-11 17:01:40

none

musicposy Thu 14-Jul-11 21:21:03

DH works shifts, 4 nights on, 4 off and we try to do it at least once on his off days, twice if we can/ not too knackered. I reckon we average 4 -6 times a month.

I think we'd both like more but there's so much going on, it's fitting it in when we're not utterly worn out or trying to shoo teen DDs off to bed to try and get some time.

BOF our puppy tends to slink off the bed and come back straight away afterwards. When she was very young she thought she might investigate more closely what we were up to blush but that was a bit of a passion killer for both of us (DH "I can't concentrate with a bloody dog right in my face!") so she was kicked off the bed sharpish and I think she now has the message.

It still feels a bit embarrassing when the minute it's over she skulks back onto the bed, though!

musicposy Thu 14-Jul-11 21:22:06

That's once on his set of days off, not every day off (though I wouldn't mind but circumstances seem to conspire against us)

fivegomadindorset Thu 14-Jul-11 21:24:44

BOF , we used to shut them out of the room but since then dog just starts snoring loudly.

sugartongue Thu 14-Jul-11 21:42:35

riverboat - with regards to kids changing your sex life, if anything it's better since the kids! And as for feeling too tired, what's 20 mins even if you are tired? I reckon we have sex about 20-25 times a month

flatbellyfella Thu 14-Jul-11 21:45:20

When we first wed it was on a once a week
Friday or Saturday night lights out
Never on a morning all dictated by the
Lady of the house.I could have made
Out 7 times a day 7 days a week and
Not wam bam thank you mam.as the
Years went by 2 children later she had
no desire
For cuddles let alone sex.
4 times a year
Was too much

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