Has anyone got one/done this? I have been single for over 3 mths since the end of a long term relationship (the story is on here) and still feel incredibly raw and vulnerable, however, I am functioning better and have gone from crying every day to maybe once or twice a week now. Anyhow!! I have numerous male friends (all single) and a couple of them have approached me directly and asked if I would be interested in FB fun lol! I am ok with it (I think) because I am incredible horny most of the time lol and really miss having sex. But would it make me a slut/tart? I'm 44 and figure that I'm well overdue for some fun!!
Oh dear. Hold on. You are still crying once or twice a week over a man and yet you are thinking of inviting other men into your life who see you as a no-strings shag?
Is that sensible?
what would you say to a friend who was asking you that?
I don't feel strongly over FBs one way or the other if that's what both people want AND they can each keep their emotions out of it. I think that rarely happens as one of other usually "falls" and it gets messy.
If you are still raw and vulnerable, is there any chance these men may see you as that- and are simply chancing their arm?
Is there any chance they have this notion that you are now gagging for it as you are out of a relationship- so you need them to sort you out?
It might work brilliantly for you- sex, attention, no strings- but on the other hadn what if they dumped you after a couple of shags- would you care, feel humiliated and worse than you are feeling now?
Thanks ladies for your thoughts. Yes you are right about the vulnerable thing..when I say I cry once or twice a week - its a fleeting tear of sadness/regret/hurt/anger, rather than the full blown crisis that I went through that got me hospitalised. The men I'm talking about I have known for years and we have a good friendship. I definitely don't want more/relationship because I feel emotionally I'm not ready. I'm just wondering whether no strings sex is a possibility.Sorry if I have offended anyone. Just needed to talk out loud to someone I dont know.
I am possibly on the point of doing this ... have a potential "friend with benefits" lined up. Trouble is we get on really really well and so I am a bit wary of starting anything in case I get emotionally attached. He is very single and has got used to living alone etc, he has said he isn't a good bet as a boyfriend. Might just keep him as a mate lol
I've no objections to FBs but really dislike the idea of someone looking at me and asking whether I was up for it. In a way it's like them saying, "I wouldn't want to go out with you or take you home to my family, but I wouldn't mind shagging you."
go for it if you think you would enjoy it but be very clear. ime its better not with a friend as no complicated feelings but if with the guys who have approached you, you have never contemplated a reltionship then maybe that would be ok.
Personally I have no moral objections to anyone having a FB, but I can't have sex with men I don't care about or feel an emotional attachment for. For me, sex and emotional closeness are inseparable. If I felt ready to have sex with a bloke, I'd need to feel he cared for me, even if it wasn't ever lasting love. So I guess I'd be no good as a FB.
I've no objections to FBs but really dislike the idea of someone looking at me and asking whether I was up for it. In a way it's like them saying, "I wouldn't want to go out with you or take you home to my family, but I wouldn't mind shagging you." ImperialBlether has really put her finger on it.
By all means have a FB/FWB - but don't pick one of the one's who'salready made the suggestion.
Amelia - your post touched a nerve with me. As far as my FB was concerned, I cared about him and we were close as friends but it was never ever going to be a relationship. I know he wanted that and I couldn't give him what he wanted or needed. I do feel guilty that I hurt him. I never led him on though or made him think it would be anything morenthan sex.
You're single. As long as you feel you're ready do it. If no strings sex works for you of course. It doesn't for some, I know. I'd do the same but 1. I'm very shy, and 2. I'm a munter. Well, 2 needs qualifying I feel. I'm not ugly, just skinny. Not a good look, and one of the things that stops me even bothering. I'll stay single. Sorry for the hijack.
FMPAmelia - your post touched a nerve with me. As far as my FB was concerned, I cared about him and we were close as friends but it was never ever going to be a relationship. I know he wanted that and I couldn't give him what he wanted or needed. I do feel guilty that I hurt him. I never led him on though or made him think it would be anything morenthan sex.
I am sure you didn't lie- but my opinion is that in relationships people can be honest but still have spoken, or unspoken hopes.
Sometimes people equate longevity of a relationship with commitment or potential commitment.
I think the whole FB thing is a minefield- I have never known it to work successfully, but if it does- fine.
You see, people often think they know what they want, but that can change. I have heardloads of men say they slpet with women as FBs but the women became emotionally involved.
There are lots of features on this on the web and in publications- which show that biologically once a woman has had sex with a man, something goes "ding" in her head and creates an attachment.
Now you are living proof that it didn't - but as with all research, it's the exceptions that prove the rule.
As for not being a FB with a man because he asks , and doesn't want you as a date- isn't that double standards? if both people are happy to be FB, it really shouldn't matter who asks first.
Another not while you are vulnerable. And not a friend you already have.
I had a few. They served a purpose, but to be honest when I was vulnerable I went for the one-night stand. The one I didn't really know to satisfy a need and then could just kick out or leave.
But for me I soon found out I couldn't divorce feelings from sex. For a while, I stuck to men who were in the same situation, heartbroken. People who sleep next to you, after the sex, wishing they were someone else.
It's a lonely, empty feeling. You aren't who they want and they aren't who you want.
me and DH were Fbs when we first met, we then fell in love - 6 years later, married for 5yrs and 2 DS. i had just come out of a 3 yr relationship, actually within days of splitting i was with DH then FB on a dirty weekend in Blackpool