I have name changed for this because I am so humilated by my problem, it is a great cause of shame for me.
I suffer from a condition called vaginismus, which basically means the walls of my vagina go into spasm during penetration making it very painful and, at times, impossible. It's a purely psychological condition which I think arose from an unfortunate situation on a train when I was 16 with a guy who assaulted me in the toilet.
I have had therapy for this and using dilators was finally able to tolerate and even enjoy penetration. But in order for me to enjoy sex I need to be very relaxed and be with someone very patient. My previous partner was, and we managed to have an OK sex life.
However, we broke up last year and I now find myself single again after nearly 10 years with him. I would love to meet someone but I am so scared of getting intimate that I think any bloke would run a mile. I'm terrified of this ruining my life.
Blokes are interested in me, I've had several "expressions of interest" but knock them back because I know I'd just be a big disappointment in the sack. At univeristy (prior to being with my previous partner ) I used to get drunk and go to bed with strangers to try and get over this problem. Without exception it would not go well and I had to laugh about it in the morning or I would cry.
I am such a huge let down. I am attractive and funny and confident when I meet people, I am perfectly happy with how I look naked and have no hang ups about that. It is purely penetration, even with a finger, that I hate.
I just don't know where to turn. I guess I have to take the plunge with someone sometime but I am not 19 any more, I'm 31 and I guess expectations are higher. Surely I'm meant to know what I'm doing by now? In reality I have slept with one person in my whole life and even then only in one position and very gently.
thanks for reading
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help. Scared of sex
sillyandfrigid · 13/07/2011 10:58
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