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DP doesn't kiss and jumps a mile if I kiss him - not normal, is it??

(10 Posts)
NotMoreShoes Tue 12-Jul-11 12:52:23

DP does not kiss me unless we're having sex. If I go to kiss him he pulls back and then acts as if he didn't realise I was trying to kiss him before giving me a quick peck to make up for it.
Last night we're lying in bed, its dark and I lean over him and go to kiss him and he jumps a mile, pushes me away and says "what you doing???" hmm I get pissed off and say "nothing, just trying to kiss my partner, how stupid of me" and he says "but you made me jump" hmm
I'm getting really sick of it to be honest, I know its only a little thing but it's bloody wierd.

UnhappyLizzie Tue 12-Jul-11 12:56:39

Poor you sad No, it's not a little thing. My husband stopped kissing me, even when we had sex, and I've just told him I want a separation.

Kissing is important, it's more intimate than sex in many ways.

You need to find out what is wrong with him, or what is wrong with your relationship.

Witchofthenorth Tue 12-Jul-11 13:00:28

Has he always been like this? I find it strange, but what is normal for one is abnormal for another.....however, your situation does seem to be extreme. I think I would be asking him why and as previous poster states, it is an intimate act and necessary as far as I am concerned in a relationship. I would be very upset if DH stopped kissing me.

HansieMom Tue 12-Jul-11 13:11:29

What else does he do that is weird? As I'm quite sure there is more!

shocked2 Tue 12-Jul-11 13:15:57

Hi op - my dh and I haven't kissed for years except for during sex and I too have been / am upset about it though we are so distant from each other now that that is the least of my worries iyswim. We kissed in the beginning (15 years ago) but this gradually dwindled (though I did not want it to)... it has got to the point where if dh sees snogging on tv he says urgh hmm... I would just like a whole load more affection in general as sex is all well and good but when there is no physical or verbal affection between shags (which only happen roughly every six weeks due to problems in our relationship that we never talk about), you start to think that anybody can perform the sexual act and it is just about scratching an itch, nothing else sad.
So I haven't got much advice but I can relate to the sad lonely feeling. Dh also used to do the jumping away thing when I used to try and kiss him eons ago....
I do think it's normal for relationships to move on from the first stages, but that is different from one partner feeling rejected or "out in the cold".
Is your dp affectionate in other ways? I think my dh is actually quite shy which might have accounted for his initial pulling away... however I would really like a far closer and loving relationship than I have got and kissing is part of this.

shocked2 Tue 12-Jul-11 13:22:39

In fact dh and I are more co-parents who live together than a couple! Sorry, hijack over!

garlicnutter Tue 12-Jul-11 13:40:53

If you're a social kisser, you'll know how awful you feel if an acquaintance jumps away from you! How much worse, when it's your lover and you're bed! If you're close enough to share bodily fluids, you're close enough to kiss.

I definitely couldn't live with this. Like many others, I've been through the horrid dying stages of a relationship, when the kissing stops. It's a very loud distancing signal.

(I'm assuming you have asked him? He hasn't suggested you have a stinky breath problem, rotten kissing technique or any other rational cause?)

My only advice to you is that he's not likely to change, at least not long-term: a non-kisser is a non-kisser. How you deal with it is up to you.

Ephiny Tue 12-Jul-11 15:03:00

I don't really do 'social kissing' and sometimes so slightly flinch when someone goes to hug or kiss me. But kissing DP is different. I do occasionally have moods where I just want my own space and not to be touched (and maybe your DP does too?), but would see it as a bad sign if we never had any affectionate cuddling or kissing etc.

Has he always been like this, or have things changed between you for some reason?

mumsamilitant Tue 12-Jul-11 16:26:57

Im with garlicnutter on this and eqhiny. Im also not a social kisser, drives me mad and I like my own space until I invite. Have been this way forever really. My other half is the same so its no biggy. We just dont kiss! only kidding! Dont read too much into it if all else seems to be jogging along nicely.

Lara2 Tue 12-Jul-11 23:16:17

My DS2 is a non-kisser - he has Aspeger's. He's never kissed anyone and probably never will. I do wonder if he'll ever have a relationship............

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