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really need some advice as im going crazy

(5 Posts)
jess022011 Mon 11-Jul-11 21:14:48

Hi this is my first thread and I am a bit nervous lol
Here's my problem I really want to have a baby but my partner says he's not ready and that I'm still
Young. I'm 20 and he's 24 we've been together for two years now but I've known him since I was 15
I can't seem to overcome this feeling I just want to have my own baby to take of and to love I have no children but
I have been pregnant before (both unplanned) which ended in miscarriage my partner was shocked but did change his mind and came
Around to the idea of having a baby (that was abt 2years ago) now he's adamant he doesn't want one until a few years but I just
Can't be happy with that.
I don't want to 'accidentally' get pregnant because I could never do that to him plus it wouldn't be fair on the child
But I can't stop feeling this way, the fact of not becoming a mum now its making me sad to wait 4 years or so to have my
First child just breaks my heart.

I just don't know what to do

(Sorry 4 going on but feels good to just write about it)

buzzsore Mon 11-Jul-11 21:43:24

I think you should wait a bit too.

You're 20, is there nothing you want to do - travel, study, get a career, climb a mountain? Sure, you can do all those things later in life, but it's a lot easier when you're young and child-free.

Time is on your side, get some more fun and life experience so you know who you are and what you're capable of and can share that with your children.

Fairenuff Mon 11-Jul-11 21:51:30

How long would you be prepared to wait? 3 years, 2 ?

If you can, come to a compromise, agree a time when you are both happy to start trying for a baby.

In the meantime, as buzzsore says, get out there and enjoy life.

Jess, you really are very young yet (sorry, put 'old womanly hat on time' ) and you really need to be out and about and living it up for a while. I was still at uni at your age and wouldn't have been a fit parent.

It's up to you and your dp of course, but I do honestly recommend you wait a while. you have many years of good, child-bearing age left ahead of you. Wait a while, sweetie....

girlwithouttattoo Tue 12-Jul-11 22:54:19

Hey Jess I would wait too.

I didn't have a baby until I was in my 30's as I wanted to do all those things that have been suggested to you and have a little bit of money behind me.

My DS is only 5 months old and after being with my partner for 6 years and agreeing that we were both ready for a baby he told me 3 weeks ago he wanted out and he's 35!

I'm not saying that its hard for all men to handle a baby but even now I didn't realise how much it would affect our relationship. Maybe your other half is not quite ready, some men never are and I don't want you to end up on your own if its something he can't handle yet.

Don't want to put a dampner on things as I too had that strong pull to have a baby with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but you need to have a serious talk and look at some compromises so you remain happy together.

xx

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