Reposting here, as I think I've put it on the wrong board, no replies as yet.
I just need some help, really.
Had this really weird dream last night, where a colleague that I'm very close to, office-wise, in terms of working closely on work, in terms of finding it SO easy to chat to, was working really close to me (on a bed in the office? WHAT???) and ended up turning his face to me in such a way as to obviously be an encouragement to a snog. Which I did. And then I woke up.
God, I can't get this out of my head. He asked me a few months back whether I'd ever considered being unfaithful. Not to sound bonkers, but I'm not sure he really meant it to sound as utterly MAD as it did - I just laughed it off and said 'no of course not'... He has often asked how I am re. marriage (I've confided once in him about my DH having very bad SAD and that it's not always been terribly easy in my marriage.) He has raised this as a topic of conversation several times - how I'm feeling, how I am. He also told me that I had a lovely figure once. And the awful thing is, that wasn't out of place in the conversation we were having - this is how far things have gone (shame...)
If I didn't think it was overdramatizing it, I'd say we've hovered once or twice near EA territory, but it's never happened. In fairness to him, he's not been like that at all recently, but it has preyed on my mind several times and now I'm just feeling totally mad.
Am I nearly being unfaithful here? I would NEVER do anything physical, the thought utterly terrifies me and I think it's wrong wrong wrong, it's just that can I please have some 'sort yourself out you silly bitch' type comments here, as I just have totally weirded myself out today and had to avoid him at work, as it was too embarrassing in my head to even look at him.
Can't spend too long on here as DH thinks MN is the spawn of the devil (and I should be marking books... sigh...) but some support and slaps would help enormously, please. Anybody who has any words of wis would be most welcome in my headspace! I don't understand how I'm in this position!
I'm so sorry about the length of post.
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need some tough words.
9 replies
LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 11/07/2011 20:59
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