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OMG narc/dependent mother has excelled herself today!

(11 Posts)
mosschops30 Mon 11-Jul-11 20:48:41

on friday she rang dh 3 times on his work mobile because she 'thought we were all dead, killed in an accident' because a) i didnt reply to a msg about her passport (it wouldnt occur to her to phone the fucking travel agent and do it herself) and b) my phone went to voicemail (no signal where i was). I swore at her because she was just ranting and ranting.

Anyway she text me today to say that shes 'so worried because shes being tested for leukemia' can i ring her please to discuss it. So i do and she tells me shes feeling tired, although most weeks she will have a range of symptoms and used to phone 2 or 3 times a week with 'i have a headache, what do you think it could be' (er a headache) in the end she toned it down because i would say 'it could be a brain tumour'.

There was more to tonights conversation but i cant really put it on here.

She also said 'we used to get on so well, w've always been able to talk, id just like to sit own and have a proper talk one day'. I told her i didnt want to.

Im exhausted, i cant bear her when shes in needy mode, moaning about wanting to disappear, how life should be easier at her age.

Sorry just needed to vent

mosschops30 Mon 11-Jul-11 21:01:42

Oh and she also asked if she should hold off paying her holiday balance in case she dies if keukemia between now and september hmm

oohjarWhatsit Mon 11-Jul-11 21:23:51

she sounds lonely

pointythings Mon 11-Jul-11 21:25:31

I think your phones need to be unplugged for about 6 months, if not permanently. Or you could change numbers and go ex-directory. Alternatively you could get a headset attached to your phone, turn the sound right down whilst you watch a box set of your choice and just remember to say 'Oh dear' and 'Poor you' at random intervals and see what happens.

Narcissists don't change and don't care.

flatbellyfella Mon 11-Jul-11 22:16:18

Boy do I know what you are goin through, I had a MIL
Just like yours , every day calls and demands that made
life very hard ,it lasted for 20 years until her death,not
connected to her hypochondria ,she had herbal medication
for every ilness going in her cupboards.
I put it down to the fact she was an only child & always
got her own way,a spoilt kid who would have a paddy
if she did not get her demands.
Good luck.

mosschops30 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:30:15

Yes she was also an onky child and unfortunately both my father and step father pandered to her, its far worse for me sibce my step father died because i think he used to take a lot of it.

Can i just ask, is it normal for a parent to want to sit down with you and discuss their relationship/sex problems?
I dont want to have those conversations with her, i think its odd

I wish i didnt have to deal with her ever again, she brings nothing to our relationship, or to the dcs, ive had a go at her many times for her total disinterest in them despite her saying 'its so hard to be 3 hours away i wish i could be closer to help out'. No you dont, you wish you could be closer to bug me every day

poutintrout Tue 12-Jul-11 11:27:25

My Mother uses me as a confidante and I know things that make me want to gouge the mental images out of my head with a rusty spoon.

Maybe you ought to have the "big chat" she is so eager for. I was forced into this recently (she had rowed with my sister who has had enough and washed her hands of her) and she kept asking me why my sister felt like that. I usually try and dodge questions like this but this time I thought what the hell and told her that my sister thinks that she is selfish, wasn't a great mother and always put my stepdad first and has behaved exceptionally badly on numerous occasions because of her alcoholism & that to be honest I agree with my sister though am trying to get past these feelings. She seemed at the time to take it okay but since then she hasn't phoned me for nearly a month. Considering she used to call me everyday wittering on about her health problems, her grief over my Grandfather dying and how it is worse for her than it is for my step-nan and all manner of trivial things I see her silence as a bit of a holiday!

BTW I completely sympathise with your frustrations at your mother's inability to sort her own problems. Mine used to turn up at my house with her bank statements and get me to fill out standing order forms, I have to write letters for her on a regular basis and pretend to be her on the phone to sort issues. The latest request was a classic though. Having fallen out with my sister she wanted advice on how to fix things. I suggested that perhaps ambushing my sister using someone else's mobile at 7am on a Monday morning hadn't been the best plan and that maybe she should let the dust settle and write her a letter apologising and telling her that she loves her etc... My Mum then said to me how that was a good idea but could I write the letter? grin

mosschops30 Tue 12-Jul-11 12:59:45

Well done for actually tavking her though, that takes some guts.

I cant even begin to articulate the things id like to say to my mother, if i dd there would be no going back and our relationship would never recover.
I dont think i coukd handle the sobbing and 'how could you be like this to e, ive always loved you so much' blah blah.
She really is hateful, but if you met her youd probably think she was lovely, other people do.

Playdohinthewashingmachine Tue 12-Jul-11 13:29:32

Well if the "brain tumour" tactic worked, try that again.

"Yes mum, that really does sound like leukemia. Have you got your funeral planned? I won't keep you on the phone, you'll be wanting to go and make sure all your things are in order".

mosschops30 Tue 12-Jul-11 13:44:32

You would think though that she would tone it down a bit, but no, today she said 'do you think the phlebotomist can tell thinga by looking at the blood' hmm
Honestly how the fuck did she make it to 66 years old
She thought that she could see the leukemia and that why she didnt say much to my mum 'cos shes normally really chatty' hmm
resisting the urge to bang my head off the table

oldraver Tue 12-Jul-11 22:51:47

Its all about attention isnt it, the medical verbal stuff. My Mum is exactly like this and will go on and on about her newest ailment, I have learned to switch off but she will keep on as she wants you to say "oh no really how awfull, yada, yada, yada". No ailment can be simple. She broke her arm and is still going on about it THREE years later even recently commenting at length on a photo of her and DS taken a YEAR after she had done it. No oh lovely photo of me and DS it was ..oh look at my arm how swollen it is, that was because I broke it badley blah blah blah

A while ago she phoned me and said in an excited tone

"oh DB sounded really worried and concerned about me"

Oh yea

"Yes, I told him I had to go to the hospital for tests for cancer, he sounded reeeeealy upset. I think he is very worried for me"

She went for a Mammogram. Now I know technically she was right, but why over egg it.

This week I had an half hour long diatribe as to how she had missed two appointments for a Retinopothy (oh I've got to go up to the hospital you know. They want me in to go and have some tests to see if I was going blind) and had obviously bored the woman to death about her holiday that she felt the receptionist was short with her. She made such a song and dance over how the hopspital send for her especially every year dontcha know

I didnt tell her I had mine last week at the opticians grin

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