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Partner is secretive

(10 Posts)
groceries Mon 11-Jul-11 16:45:11

My DP has always been the secretive type. My intuition tells me that he has had an affair at work however he wont admit to anything. I have caught him several times being quite secretive with emails and texting, he wont open emails in front of me. Round about the time I was suspicious of him having an affair, he accidently left his email on and he had an email from a woman who: saw his profile and thought they would get on. Again completely shocked, tried to ask what this was about and he said it was junk mail. A few months previous to that while he was working in London, I found some Viagra in his work satchel (with corners recently bitten off) and I went into a complete tail spin. Again this was nothing, he forgot it was in his bag and meant to use it when we were intimate. Not sure, my gut tells me something went on. There have been other instances where things haven't quite added up. He says there has never been anyone else but I am just not sure whether to believe him or not. He is completely secretive with money as well, I feel completely fed up sometimes and wonder if he will ever be straight with me or am I just in need of some help myself?

HerHissyness Mon 11-Jul-11 16:49:54

Listen to your instints!

Do you have DC with this person? if not, BIN HIM!

Life is too short to be mucked about with idiots like him.

Oh, and this is nothing to do with you, it's HIS problem, don't you dare think there is something wrong with you, there isn't!

Aislingorla Mon 11-Jul-11 16:56:57

Why are you with this 'nightmare' of a person?

tallwivglasses Mon 11-Jul-11 16:59:38

Listen to Hissy and Aisling. They are wise!

buzzsore Mon 11-Jul-11 17:20:46

He's secretive, you think he's unfaithful, he's funny about money - he needs the heave-ho.

mo3d Mon 11-Jul-11 17:25:43

Your instincts are probably right. I had a few red flags, ignored them, then found out later that H was having an affair. If he has nothing to hide, make him prove it. He can open his e mails infront of you if there's nothing on there suspicious.

If he wants to keep you, and he's not having an affair, he needs to start opening up to you and proving it.

garlicnutter Mon 11-Jul-11 17:32:04

The email could well have been junk - I get that same message all the time (from women!)
But I've also lived with a secretive person, and it screwed my head up no end. There's a big difference between privacy and secrecy: secrecy's disrespectful.

What with your uneasy feelings, the Viagra, and his insistence on secrecy, I think you're in an untenable situation really. If he's secretive with money, how on earth do you manage a life together?

It might be time to set things out extremely clearly, demand full & immediate disclosure, then see what happens ...

Beckamaw Mon 11-Jul-11 22:43:14

Has he ever used Viagra with you?
Do men usually open up a Viagra pack with their teeth, whilst away on business, in anticipation of a shag with the wife on return?
Does he either have his phone glued to him, or face down within reach?

I wouldn't trust him. Sorry.

AnyFucker Tue 12-Jul-11 08:44:30

Have you posted about this before ?

The Viagra in work bag sounds familiar

If this is the same poster, you should have got shut a long time ago. Why are you living like this ? It can't be doing your mental health much good sad

groceries Tue 12-Jul-11 12:37:33

Thanks for posting everyone. I've always thought that I was the one who needed help and I guess I have been suffering mentally as a result of this situation. I can't seem to get rid of the feeling in my gut that he has done something, even though he has insisted the opposite is true. We were using Viagra but it was not really working for us. He started off being secretive about the Viagra, although I dont know why he thought I wouldn't notice. We went for months without proper intimacy (actually its been years). I remember he once suggested that he should take some Viagra at work (at lunch time) to give it time to work... After all that, I just said to bin it as I'd had enough of the whole business. I cant just pack up and leave, even though sometimes I want to. I have my son to think of, hes only four months... After finding out I was pregnant, things seemed to improve and DP has given me an engagement ring. I just want to know that he hasn't cheated because I think it would change everything for me because it means that he has been lying almost for the length of our relationship...

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