Getting through a breakup - anti d's?

[rosie1979]

DH left a couple of months ago, for me totally out of the blue.
I dont think he is coming back. I can get through the day just about, taking dc's to school/nursery, going to work pt, seeing friends, but as soon as the dc's are in bed I fall apart.

I feel broken and raw and I feel like I cant take this feeling anymore.

Am seriously thinking about asking doctor for anti depressants - has anyone got any experience/advice? Is it better for it to really hurt or can you numb the pain? Im going to counselling which is helping but dont feel its enough.

[Utterlydistraught]

I would go and ask your doctor and see what is right for you. It might give you the short term lift you need to enable you to move forward out of this hole. Bear in mind though that when you start taking them it's possible you may feel worse for a couple of weeks before you feel better. It normally takes about six weeks to get the full effect. Are you able to do any regular exercise? That's very good for the spirits once you get into it. I really think doctors should also prescribe gym passes for depressed people and insist they go a few times a week as they would if they needed physiotherapy.

I think you're doing marvellously by the way if you're managing to hold it together until the kids are in bed. I also think it's no bad thing that you're emotions are coming out. As others have said to me, it's part of our way of dealing with the grief and we have to process it and get it out before we can start to heal.

[JALG]

I FEEL FOR YOU - My DH has been having an affair for the past 18months. 3 times he has said it is over and 3 times I have been let down over and over again. Stupidly I have taken him back because I cannot bear the thought of life without him, we have been together since teens and have two children. I went to the docs last week to get anti - d's but she has to wean me off my other meds first. I have also been having counselling. Talking to others does help. Knowing that what you are feeling is completely normal and that it will get better with time and gradually you will start to feel your old self again. Distraction in the key and maybe getting yourself some stuff to do after the kids have gone to bed would be good. Get some books, computer games, puzzle books or go down to hobbycraft and find something you could do for the kids (decopatch is fun) something that does not take too much thought but is a distraction. You need to remember to treat yourself too. Lots of bubble baths, a nice cream cake and the odd glass of wine. remember you are worth it, you did nothing wrong and you are a lovely person and a good mum.

[TalesOfTheUnexpected]

I've been through a marriage breakup (my choice, not his), but I still got very depressed. Anti-ds may be a short term solution.

Initially I resisted going on so called 'happy pills' and ended up attempting suicide. I'm not saying this will happen to you, I'm just giving you my experience.

After that, I went and talked to the doctor. He put me on a fairly low dose of anti-d and within 4 weeks I felt better. I've been on them for 2 years but I'm now coming off them as I feel ready. This has all been talked out with the doctor. I also had counselling.

There is nothing shameful about taking medication to help you through a bad time as long as it is monitored carefully. The advice on getting exercise is also good.

Hope this post helps in some small way.

[rosie1979]

Thanks for v helpful replies, am going to the gym when dh has kids and find that I feel good afterwards.
Will book an appointment with GP and see what he says.
Crafts also a v good idea, just feel like I need to pull myself out of the cycle of kids going to bed, having a glass of wine and falling to pieces.

[Wisedupwoman]

Just want to add my twopence worth rosie. sorry this is happening to you.

I think they're worth a try. I've just started a week ago, 4 months on from split, when the emotional side of everything finally caught up (there's only so much paperwork, clearing out, meetings with sols, letters to write etc you can do). I've been on them before and about 3 weeks on from feeling shit I noticed I was singing along to the radio in the car.

Your GP will give you advice and a prescription which should treat the most predominant symptom of the depression.