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Please give me some advice about my friend

(14 Posts)
HelpMyFriend Mon 11-Jul-11 11:35:47

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cheekeymonkey Mon 11-Jul-11 13:58:20

You obviously know that there is nothing you can say, if you say anything against him he will ban her from seeing you.

The only thing you can do is be there for her when she needs you...which one day she will.

You are a good friend for worrying about her but don't make him your enemy

HelpMyFriend Mon 11-Jul-11 15:49:29

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HerHissyness Mon 11-Jul-11 15:55:18

Tell her you love her, you miss her and whatever she needs from you, whenever that you will be there for her.

Don't even talk about twatface, it'll get her back up. Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

good luck, you are a great friend, even if she doesn't know it yet.

FetchezLaVache Mon 11-Jul-11 15:57:47

I have to agree with the others. She will need you when this all goes to shit- as it will; it can't not with a man who made her friends be video-recorded swearing an oath that she had never so much as kissed another man.

HelpMyFriend Mon 11-Jul-11 16:18:58

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lazarusb Mon 11-Jul-11 16:27:25

Please don't give up on her. She will need you one day. It does sound like the classic pattern of control & abuse. You can talk sense to her until you are blue in the face but she won't listen unless she's ready to.

HelpMyFriend Mon 11-Jul-11 18:16:13

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LesserOfTwoWeevils Mon 11-Jul-11 18:41:00

It sounds like classic emotional abuse. He ticks a lot of boxes.
Look at
this thread for links on emotional abuse and see if it sounds familiar. You could send the links to your friend too, though she's probably not ready to hear what they have to say.
Why not ring her mum? She may be concerned too and perhaps you can work together to let your friend know why you're worried about her.

WriterofDreams Mon 11-Jul-11 18:43:16

I agree with the others, the only thing you can do is be very very tenacious and just hang in there until everything inevitably goes wrong. If she ever mentions getting married or god forbid having children then that's the time to get heavy.

lazarusb Mon 11-Jul-11 20:14:24

It sounds very much like what I went through with my ex. I can't explain it but I just couldn't see what was happening to me. I even found it flattering that he wanted me all to himself. In our situation it escalated ... badly. It took me a long time to make the break. Friends are invaluable (and scarce) at those times.

HelpMyFriend Mon 11-Jul-11 21:16:02

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lazarusb Tue 12-Jul-11 15:58:06

The one or two that were still around were aware, but couldn't reconcile his calm, quiet 'public persona' with what I said he was doing to me...even faced with physical evidence. Neither did they feel they could offer ds (then aged 5) and I any practical support/somewhere to stay. It wasn't until I met dh (who didn't know me from Adam before we met) that someone made it glaringly obvious what was going on and offered me unquestioning, unconditional support.

I think your friend will be grateful to you one day, I wish I'd had a friend like you smile

EverythingInMiniature Tue 12-Jul-11 18:56:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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