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In same-sex relationship - struggling to tell family

(6 Posts)
catseverywhere Mon 11-Jul-11 07:15:12

Hi everyone. My 23 year marriage ended last year - I mention this to show that, until now, my life has followed a 'traditional' path.

I have 3 DC - a DD of 17 and twin sons of 21 - they all live at home and my sons' gfs live with us too.

I have, in the last couple of months, begun a relationship with a woman (A) who has 4 DC from 2 marriages, her DC are 26, 24, 21 and 17. All her DC know about us, they are all horrified and disgusted, and none of them ever want to see or meet me (despite the fact that I knew the 2 youngest before their mum and I got together, and I got on very well with them).

My DD knows about us and is fine with it. I have never actually sat my sons down and explained that A and I are in a relationship, but she spends most nights at my house and clearly sleeps in my room. My sons are fine with her when she is around, they (and their gfs) chat normally with her, and just seem to accept that she is here.

I firmly believe our mothers will not be supportive - I have heard my mum refer to same-sex relationships as 'unnatural', and A's mum has expressed the same view, only more forcefully. The one saving grace from my point of view is that my sister will likely be supportive and my mum is very influenced by her opinions, so might not actually be openly hostile. Both our fathers are dead.

I don't know what I'm asking really - I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation - how did you tell your family something like this? If there was initial hostility, did they come round eventually when they saw you were happy?

SittingBull Mon 11-Jul-11 07:24:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catseverywhere Mon 11-Jul-11 07:35:06

Thank you so much for your reply, and you're right about the example we give to our children.

Thing is, I don't love this woman because she's a woman, I love her because she's her - we knew each other for a long time before our relationship developed the way is has, and I think we have a future together.

Thanks again, it is really lovely that someone would say something so kind smile

DutchGirly Mon 11-Jul-11 08:47:31

I think it is lovely to hear you're happy in a good, loving relationship and I think your sons will too if you sit them down and tell them. I honestly think it won't be such a big deal as you think it will be with your sons, I think they probably have a pretty good idea as it is. If you're are anxious about telling them, what about a very brief chat with their girl-friends? As for your mother, I am sure she would accept it in time.

People who love you, would want you to be happy no matter you're in a relationship with a male or female. I for one would have absolutely have no problems if one of my friends would tell me they were in a same sex relationship, it does not affect my friendship in any shape or form. After all I am not sleeping with my friends so why should it concern me?

DutchGirly Mon 11-Jul-11 08:50:59

BTW my best friend told me he was gay about 20 years ago only to be met with the following 'Oh that, I already knew that years ago! Now where are we going for dinner tonight?'

It really was not a big deal, in fact he was a bit miffed when he came out with the 'big news' and everybody kind of shrugged their shoulders and said he was probably the last person himself to find out he was gay (this was done in a very amicable, friendly manner with quite of lot of laughter and hugs)

HedleyLamarr Mon 11-Jul-11 19:44:17

Really glad to hear you're happy. I think that if your daughter knows, then your sons may also, and as they treat you and your DP nicely at the moment they more than likely will when you tell them. smile

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