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I don't know anymore...

(8 Posts)
sophielouise21 Sun 10-Jul-11 21:42:48

Hi all, i'm new here... Honestly i dont have anyone to turn to. My friends don't really seem to show any interest now that i'm a mum (i have a 2year old) every time i try talking things through with my husband it escalates into an argument.. I don't know if what i think is reasonable or not.

It might be a long story, so i apologize in advance.

My husband and i have been married for 3 years, in that time he's cheated on me, proposed to another woman (whilst married to me) and hit me. Each time i forgave him (well, agreed to move on).
For the past year our marriage has gotten progressively worse. I feel unhappy most of the time, we barely do anything together, i keep trying to talk about my feelings and he doesn't care, he mumbles about how he cares and things will get better- they never do!
I actually dream about being happy, being with another man (dunno who the man is- just someone else) which makes my waking life so much more miserable.

Now my husband wants to move to London to work there. I am completely NOT a city girl, im a town person, i cant stand busy places, noisy places, and for me, its not where i want to bring up my son. I've told him this a million times. We need to find a place to live by the 14th August or we'll be homeless. I have found an excellently priced flat in the area we live in now and to be honest i have my heart set on it. My husband isn't interested- his heart is set on London.

I'm not even sure if i love him anymore, his stubbornness really winds me up, he keeps expecting me to sacrifice what i want and makes no compromises himself- he even wants me to agree to rent a 1 bed place in London instead of a 2 bed place!!

I keep thinking about leaving him, but would i be unreasonable to do that. I just feel that i've put up with so much shit over the years that im at my wits end...

It sounds sad but i really need someone to talk to sad

Thanks for readin,

Sophie x

tribpot Sun 10-Jul-11 21:51:05

"I'm not even sure if i love him anymore" errrrr, why would you love him? He appears to have done nothing throughout your marriage but show you complete and utter disrespect including the use of violence against you.

He's not even willing to consider your views on where you live and bring up your son - hardly a shocker given his previous behaviour (he actually proposed to someone else? And you forgave him? WTF!). You sound desperately unhappy and that's hardly surprising given what you're describing.

Sounds like the London thing is the perfect time to make a break. He wants to go, you want to stay. You should both do what you want to do and in the long term I can't see how you won't be happier as a result.

For someone to chat to about the practicalities, there is always Women's Aid. I'm sorry to hear your friends don't want to know - perhaps they think you've decided to make the best of a bad job and so them mentioning how dreadful things seem won't help?

Squishylicious Sun 10-Jul-11 21:56:03

You most certainly would not be unreasonable in leaving him. He sounds like a twat. It's no wonder that you are unhappy and would be so much better off without him. You poor thing sad

AnyFucker Sun 10-Jul-11 22:03:22

you don't love him because this bastard is unloveable

sweetheart, get rid of this fucker, your life will be infinitely better

btw, I saw your post where he doesn't kiss you during sex

that is awful, as is the other shit he has put you through

is one man worth this ?

answer : no

pointythings Sun 10-Jul-11 22:03:42

D-I-V-O-R-C-E - find out what it means to you. Honestly, you deserve so much better.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Jul-11 22:05:46

I think your friends are unwilling to (rightly or wrongly) put their head above the parapet beause you have "moved on" from stuff in the past that should have actually been a deal breaker

find your self esteem (at last) and you may rediscover that others will respect you more

harsh words, but unfortunately, true

HerHissyness Sun 10-Jul-11 22:11:54

Let him go to London and sort out a flat.

Go stay with parents/friends etc until he is settled.

Rent your own flat, leave him to sort out his own life.

Seriously, you can get out, now, grab the opportunity with both hands!

IQuiteLikeVodka Sun 10-Jul-11 22:14:42

Read your post Sophie, it screams ESCAPE. Free yourself and your son from a life of insecurity,nobody is worth staying with if they are not giving their 100% to the relationship,and proposing to another person says that he is not worth your time,believe me,I'm not just saying this,I've been through it myself,my ex got someone else pregnant etc.It took me a long time to realise that,actually, if you are looking for reasons to stay,you are better off out of it. So,so hard when you have children,to uproot and all that,but the future has got to be about your and your child's(go hand in hand I hope) happiness. Go with your gut I think you know what that's telling you...happiness comes from within and a relationship in the future should be a bonus,someone who gives as much as you do,good luck and I hope you make the right decision for you.

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