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Took his stuff to him

(5 Posts)
kate1984 Sun 10-Jul-11 20:42:58

Hi Guys

I posted on here last night about taking my husbands belongings round to his parents, where he is staying since he left me and our son 7 weeks ago.

I took them round and him and his Dad came out to collect them - think they were quite shocked that I had actually done it. I unloaded everything out of the car and then said (which in hindsight I probably should not have said) 'have a nice life' - I know it was childish but I was just staring at my 31 year old husbands possessions on the pavement and just thought is this what you really want from life?? He then came back with some nasty remark which is when his Dad replied with 'stop it the pair of you' - well that was it - I very calmy said to his Dad that if he was angry or upset at the situation then he should direct that at his son and not me. I told my husband that he had decided he didnt want to be part of our life and our home and that meant that his possessions didnt need to be at the house - he very nastily said that it was my life he didnt want to be part of not our son's. I just said that he could collect the rest of it in the week (all he kept going on about was his hi-fi not being there!!)

Although I felt very strong beforehand and during I now feel rubbish - I just feel so sad about everything (if you have read previous posts you will know there is no reason behind this or no warning signs). I am struggling a bit this evening with the sense of loss.

Any thoughts?? Love Kate xxxxxx

FabbyChic Sun 10-Jul-11 21:22:22

Its bound to be hard and you will struggle for a while, its the end of an era, but on the other hand the start of a new life that you make for yourself how you want it to be.

Things will get easier but it takes time to mend from a break up.

Have a couple of hugs to get you through.

HerHissyness Sun 10-Jul-11 21:33:34

You did a massively tough thing, and they made it even harder, the bastards.

Remember, if your FIL doesn't treat you with respect, you don't have to see him. Remember too that he has no rights at all when it comes to access to your DC, so don't let them bully you.

They want to see you? THEY play nice. Decent people would have made it as painless as possible for you, not piling in with shitty remarks. Your FIL had no right to speak to you like that!

The loss will pass, really it will.


kate1984 Sun 10-Jul-11 23:04:23

Thanks for your comments it really helps. I think my FIL has misplaced anger - my in-laws are really upset by their son's behaviour but wont say anything to him - in fact when this first happened my FIL was signed off work for a week as he was so upset about it but as he didnt say anything to my husband the emotion of it turned in a physical thing and he was unable to work. Its a shame that they are unable to talk about thier feelings - if they did I dont think we would be in this position - all my husband had to do was talk to me about how he was feeling and we could have sorted it out but as he was never taught to communicate his feelings he didnt and we find ourselves here. His issues are all workable ones - we dont spend enough time together without our son, he is stuck in a rut as he has nothing outside of our relationship for himself (hobbies etc) but as he didnt say anything it has all built up and he is convinced we lived this unhappy existance.

Thanks again for your comments, they do really help and I am finding the support on here so valuable - there are days were I feel so worthless and rubbish and you are helping me move on from that xxx

DariusVassell Mon 11-Jul-11 00:46:11

Kate. Seen your threads and posts recently. I'm sure you realise that there's normally only one reason for why this has happened to you. He's having an affair. He won't tell you that, because he doesn't want to look worse than he already does, but if he hasn't told your ILs yet, be assured that they will both suspect. Your FIL is no doubt angry with him, not you.

The best thing you can do now is to look as though you are moving on with your life. But I would call this coward's bluff the next time you see him and tell him you know there is another woman in the picture. Watch his face when you say it. Put him on the back foot wondering how much you know. You will feel as though you are back in control of this hellish situation, too.

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