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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What would you do??

293 replies

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 15:58

I want to do some part time bar work, my OH doesn't want me to...do i take the job or consider his feelings??

OP posts:

Report

TheOriginalFAB · 10/07/2011 16:02

Depends why he doesn't want you to work.

itsohsoquiet · 10/07/2011 16:17

For what reason doesn't he want you to do it? Has he said?

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:21

He doesn't want me working behind a bar because i will get chatted up and getting home late at night.It's only a couple of nights a week i personally don't think i am being unreasonable.

OP posts:

itsohsoquiet · 10/07/2011 16:25

Then I would go for it. If you haven't given him reason to mistrust you then I don't see why you shouldn't.

buzzsore · 10/07/2011 16:27

He should have a good think about why he feels threatened by you being chatted up by customers - if you're normally faithful and have no history of cheating on him, then he needs to get over it.

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:28

I haven't...i would never cheat on him. I am nothing but honest with him.I want to do it but Don't know if it's worth the aggro to be honest.

OP posts:

ThePopsicleKat · 10/07/2011 16:30

FFS, how insecure is he? If you want this job, and there is no good reason why you couldn't do it (e.g. childcare issues), then go for it.

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:31

buzzsore - Never cheated on him,never would. He thinks someone is going to come along and pinch me[cofused].

OP posts:

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:31

OP posts:

buzzsore · 10/07/2011 16:32

Is he like this about other issues?

itsohsoquiet · 10/07/2011 16:33

He needs to get over it and you need to stop tiptoeing around him

buzzsore · 10/07/2011 16:33

You're not an inanimate object to be picked up at will.

eslteacher · 10/07/2011 16:36

Has he asked you nicely not to do it because it would make him uncomfortable and stressed out, or did this come as more of an angry "you shouldn't even be considering it" type order?

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:37

Buzzsore - yes i get a whole day of arguing if i want to out and he has to pick me up at the end.

itsohsoquiet- I'm not tiptoeing..i will admit i can't be bothered with the arguing or the silent treatment tho.

OP posts:

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:38

Riverboat - No he's not angry. He tells me he doesn't want me doing it and it does make him uncomfortable.

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HedleyLamarr · 10/07/2011 16:39

Reading your OP this song popped into my head.

buzzsore · 10/07/2011 16:43

Ah. I suspect you have a bit of a controlling type there.

He makes it so much hassle to do anything you want to do that doesn't fit with what he wants you to do that you end up not doing it. Thus he gets his way and you soon learn not to bother going out.

I really think you need to take this job.

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:45

Buzzsore - I know you are right and i know that is what he thinks, he wont go out with anyone but me so i have no leg to stand on.

I do buzzsore,your right.

OP posts:

eslteacher · 10/07/2011 16:45

He sounds very insecure. Are there any obvious reasons why he would be this way, ie cheated on by a girlfriend in the past? I'd say you need to try to talk together about his insecurity calmly and rationally and try to find ways to help him get past this. Be sympathetic, but firm and explain you won't let his insecurity control your life. If you decide to take the job, you could suggest he could pop into the bar for a drink occasionally if it might make him feel better and relax more about the situation.

BertieBotts · 10/07/2011 16:47

He sounds controlling, agree totally.

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:49

Riverboat - Yes he has being cheated on, an ex cheated on him everytime she went out.i have never cheated on him. We have had a talk and he says he will change but he never does.
Yes but he will hit the roof if anyone looks at me funny and i get the argument for days after as it would be all my fault.

OP posts:

buzzsore · 10/07/2011 16:51

That's quite worrying that he never goes out without you - does he have friends of his own? Does he think you & he shouldn't need anyone else? Does he want to be your world?

Do you get to see your friends/family on your own at all?

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thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2011 16:51

Hes currently giving me the cold shoulder as i told him i really want the job and i'm serious about taking it.

With all the hassle it's really not worth it.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 10/07/2011 16:52

Just because he's been cheated on in the past doesn't give him the right to treat you like this though.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 10/07/2011 16:52

I done nights in a bar for years, believe me the only people you get chatted up by are pissed and annoying.

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