A close friend had an affair but got back with her husband after a family bereavement.
She confided in me when the affair was going on, and although I didn't condone the affair, I was there for her and encouraged her to end it and sort things out with her husband.
I never judged or criticised, I just tried to be a good friend.
Her husband was a bastard to her, so I couldn't blame her for wanting to leave him, but I begged her to finish the fling and sort things out with her husband before he found out.
Following a death in her family, she had a breakdown.
Everything came out, she told her husband about the affair and he took her back. But he continued to be really aggressive to her, threatened the other man (including going to his workplace to find him, possibly armed with a baseball bat or something) and still says he'll do him some damage if he ever meets up with him.
At the end of the month, she is going away to work for a year. The reason she has a new job is because of the affair - her husband insisted she found work elsewhere as the affair was with a work colleague.
I doubt her marriage will survive, I think her going to work abroad will spell the end from what she's told me and I in a way I'm glad that she is getting away from him.
But I'm scared that when she leaves to work away in the next couple of weeks he's going to go after the other man. He blames him for the damage (and probable end) to his marriage and the fact his wife had to find another job.
I have asked her if she is worried about him doing anything stupid and if so, to tell the police about the threats (particularly if he makes any more threats), just so they can perhaps keep an eye on her husband or maybe warn him off in some way?
I can't live with it on my conscience if this man goes and does something awful to the other man. Equally, I don't feel I can go to the police as all that she's told me is second hand and they won't listen to me.
But she's basically told me that it's not her responsibility if her husband does something stupid. And also asked me if something does happen, not to tell anyone what I know about the threats.
She told me I was wrong, that it was nothing to do with her if her husband went after the other man and that they could sort it out between themselves.
She was so cold towards me. I told her I'd call her before she left and she said she'd be really busy, so might not be able to speak to me :(
I feel like I've been slapped in the face. It was hard for me to bring this up, but I can't cope with the thought that someone could be seriously hurt and she's not willing to do anything about it.
The threats are serious enough for me to be worried.
I know that if I go to the police, our friendship will be over and despite that, I would still do it if I thought it would do any good.
However, I have no evidence, only what I've been told that he has said. If anyone has to report these threats, it really has to be her.
Sorry for the long post, just don't know what to do. Maybe I should mind my own business, but if something does happen I don't know if I could live with myself.
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Relationships
Aftermath of friend's affair
7 replies
SaddestFriend · 08/07/2011 19:48
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