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'staying together for the children' ground rules

(7 Posts)
SunshineAndBlueSkies Fri 08-Jul-11 17:18:01

I am finding it hard to clarify this situation and would like any else's experience of sorting it out.

I would like separate rooms and am finding it hard to get the energy up to reorganize the house.I guess I don't want the confrontation either.
As a Sahm what on earth is my position on saving from my ex's income. I think we should put money away but can I ask this?
What do you call yourselves? I have come up with co-parents but haven't tried it out yet.
I am trying to think in terms of us being friends who house share but it is hard to get your head round.

NickRobinsonsloveslave Fri 08-Jul-11 18:45:50

Sunshine, I am in same position atm.

Have only decided today that my marriage is over but can't afford to move out so have to stay in family home.

I have just made up the bed in the spare room, but have no idea, like yourself, how this all works.

It really is the strangest situation I've ever been in. In the past, I just moved out when previous relationships ended. But it's so very different when there are DCs involved.

I have no advice I'm afraid, but at least you're not alone in trying to do this.

SunshineAndBlueSkies Fri 08-Jul-11 19:16:08

So bumping for those with relevant experience.

biryani Sun 10-Jul-11 12:29:28

I'm in a similar situation too. My problem is slightly different to yours, though - we have had separate rooms with no sex for about 3 years but otherwise still a "couple"!! It's bizarre! I can't bring myself to end things, either, but I'm not sure if there is an etiquette in situations like this.

Stupid question maybe, but does he realise the relationship is over? If he does, and has agreed to end things, then I think staying together, and staying in separate rooms will be easier once you have both confronted things. Get a bit of counselling, perhaps, to get yourself over the hurdle of confronting him if this is what the difficulty is.

If you want to stay in the same house, and carry on with life as normal, it may be an idea to draw up a code of behaviour, or perhaps even get a lawyer to set out an agreement for you? Or a mediator?

Have no better ideas, sorry, but hopefully someone will come along soon. I'd love to know how you get on, though! Good luck with sorting things meanwhile.

FabbyChic Sun 10-Jul-11 12:45:25

Surely the financial situation remains as is already? The thing to talk about is what about new relationships? One of you may well meet someone else, how do you go about dealing with that, as in the long term it may mean that you don't live together as if one of you meets someone new you want a future with you cannot do that whlist living under the same roof.

SunshineAndBlueSkies Wed 13-Jul-11 17:34:45

www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23969272-divorce-at-40-year-low-but-only-because-couples-cant-afford-to-split.do
seems there may be more couples in this situation for one reason or another than we realize.

SunshineAndBlueSkies Wed 13-Jul-11 17:36:05

And thanks for all replies. I hadn't looked at this thread for a while.

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