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Why have I only just realised that we don't share the same principles?

(11 Posts)
NickRobinsonsloveslave Wed 06-Jul-11 23:06:15

It's my wedding anniversary today and I've only just come to the conclussion that H and I are too different in our principles to co exist.

The whole phone hacking crap in the news led me to ask H if he was still going to but TNOTW. He replied that it had great sports coverage, and anyway, RM hadn't hacked his phone so....not his problem.

He also made DS1 very uncomfortable over dinner with his remarks that gay people are 'not normal'. Made me so mad. I don't want my children to feel ashamed with regards to their sexual preferences in the future.

I just sighed and realised that what he feels is important and what I feel is important are so diametrically opposed, it would be impossible for us to even try to save our marriage.

FabbyChic Wed 06-Jul-11 23:59:21

There must be other problems that are causing you to think this way, not just the fact he is still going to buy The News of the World, and his homophobic tendancies.

When the love starts to go, so does the respect and the little things you used to be able to live with now start to piss you off bad.

Look at the relationship as a whole, how is it?

mpops Thu 07-Jul-11 14:34:15

I don't know FabbyChic. I guess for some people (OP, myself) a person's principles/ideas really do define the way we feel about them. I know it certainly goes for me. No matter how much I was attracted to someone, their beliefs would be a dealbreaker. I'm guessing OP feels the same.

How long have you been with your partner, OP?

buzzsore Thu 07-Jul-11 14:50:21

Maybe his politics/views have shifted since you met rather than you not realising. Some people seem to get more conservative (small c - although bic C might apply too grin) as they get older.

buzzsore Thu 07-Jul-11 14:51:17

biG not biC. (Biros don't have political views as far as I'm aware)

NickRobinsonsloveslave Thu 07-Jul-11 16:22:37

Been together 11 years, so I've had time to get to know his ways, etc. But It's just recently that I've realised that, as we have been 'not getting on' lately, I have begun to actually despise the way he thinks.
He just seems to have principles and priorities that are anathema to me, I just never really noticed them before.
Yesterday was also DS1s sports day at school. H could easily have been there, but had more interesting things to do (not work). He turned up 10 mins toward the end, then chastised DS for dropping the relay baton and telling him it was all his fault that his team lost the race.
Can you see what I am starting to see? A pretty nasty, selfish streak that is putting me right off even trying to make this work.

buzzsore Thu 07-Jul-11 16:24:38

Ouch, I don't like that to your ds, turns me right against him in an instant. Poor kid.

meditrina Thu 07-Jul-11 16:25:13

I'd say he's probably not changed, but something has made you look at him with new eyes. Has anything happened recently that might have led to that?

Amaretti Thu 07-Jul-11 16:27:35

You married someone who buys the NotW? That's your problem right there!

NickRobinsonsloveslave Thu 07-Jul-11 16:51:04

Nothing's happened that I can put my finger on exactly, but I have changed my opinion of him lately.
I'm sure there are lots of things that I do that bug him, but you get used to things like DH not picking up stuff at the bottom of the stairs, not putting the loo seat down, and so on.
But this is different, I don't know if it's because my ADs are starting to take effect, and I'm starting to see things more clearly or what. But I don't think I can stay married to someone who has such different views and beliefs to me.

Aislingorla Fri 08-Jul-11 10:23:06

AD's helped clarify my thinking and I began to feel more balanced.
Why are you on them?
Perhaps you have changed and he hasn't?

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