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Domestic Violence

(11 Posts)
SouthStar Wed 06-Jul-11 22:57:16

If you suspect a man is beating his wife what do you do?

Friday night a group of friends went out, mostly in couples. One couple starting having an arguement. He slapped her (we will call her Jess to make it easier to read). Myself and a friend witnessed it as we were trying to break it up at the time.
I was sat down with Jess afterwards, she was obviously very upset. Her mother in law was also out with us. She came over (i thought to try and help the situation, but i was wrong) Jess turned to her mil and said "do you not agree that he abuses me" her mil agreed!
Jess was very drunk that night so I cant piece all the bits together but ive now got it in my mind that he hits both Jess and her eldest daughter who is 14. Their daughter has told people before that he hits both of them but everyone assumed it was her acting out as she is abit of a handful.

Both me and another friend have tried to get Jess on her own but her hubby is now stuck to her like glue. All of our hubbys work together about 5 mins from our houses. So I managed to get her on her own yesterday and literally 2 mins later he comes around! She changed dramatically when he walked around the corner but apart from that they are putting a normal front on things.

Now my other friend really wants me and her hubby to make a statement to the police about us witnessing him hitting Jess but she hasnt asked us to do this and im worried that it will cause more problems. Obviously if she gave me the nod then id be all over it.

I feel so useless because I cant seem to do anything to help, I cant even be there for her to talk to me about it without him around!

Tortington Wed 06-Jul-11 23:06:55

I THNK YOU NEED TO ACT for the daughter who is 14 = not the woman. tell the police

BelleDameSansMerci Wed 06-Jul-11 23:10:42

Poor girl that no-one believed her. Bloody hell. Do something for the daughter if not the mother.

To be honest, I can't understand why you are hesitating. If you'd seen a man you didn't know hit a woman you didn't know would you hesitate to give evidence?

seriouslynow Wed 06-Jul-11 23:16:16

call the non-emergency domestic violence number of your local police and ask advice. You'll find it on the internet.

tell Jess that you will be there for her (AND her daughter) and that she doesn't have to live like this.

Remind Jess that the social services will soon get to hear of what is happening to her dd (as a minor).

No wonder the daughter is "a bit of a handful", if this is her life.

Alambil Wed 06-Jul-11 23:19:47

phone the DD's school - they will have to begin child protection investigations under the safeguarding legislation.

GypsyMoth Wed 06-Jul-11 23:24:40

you could quietly point her in the direction of womens aid. they can fully advise her

SouthStar Wed 06-Jul-11 23:35:01

Ok the problem with the daughter is that she was nearly taken into care a few months ago. She has been in alot of trouble with the police and she beat up her nan. The social services are already involved and their only saving grace was that their kids were staying at my house the night this all happened as the police were ready to call in child protection.
As soon as this all happened I offered to take her away there and then, she would never have to see him again but she wouldnt because of the worry of her eldest being taken away.
The court only allowed her daughter to stay out of care because of the job her hubby does and where we live. This was her last chance.

GypsyMoth Wed 06-Jul-11 23:39:54

the job her husband does and where you live???

what do you mean by that?

SouthStar Wed 06-Jul-11 23:45:30

Because at the moment we are all living abroad. Where as before it was just Jess and the girls living back in the uk and he got home when he could, long weekends etc. So it was seen as a good thing that they all moved over here to be a unit again and that would improve their daughters behaviour, which it has.

FabbyChic Wed 06-Jul-11 23:47:32

Its shit, she is scared of him, scared of what life will be like without him because he has told her no one else will want her, that she isn't worthy of any love from anybody and is lucky to have him.

He would have worn her down to nothing, she will have no self-esteem left, no confidence, the light would have gone from her life.

She has to make the decision to leave or get rid of him, and you have to let her know that you are there for her whenever she needs you, to support her and help her.

It's all you can do.

Sorry, its not really what you wanted to hear, but just knowing you are there will make her feel stronger.

SouthStar Thu 07-Jul-11 00:31:46

Thanks Fabbychic, so you dont think going to the police myself will do any good? If she wont press charges I guess they couldnt do anything?

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