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Help! New to dating and need advice.

(19 Posts)
Dillydaydreaming Wed 06-Jul-11 19:25:59

Could really do with some advice - even if it IS "get your act together Dilly" grin

I haven't dated in over 10 years. I was married for some of this but separated 5 years now and recently placed a profile on a "personals"
site.

Soooo .. have been chatting ( emailing a man) who from his mails makes me lol. We've exchanged photos etc and he is being very patient with me over any first meet ( in my own time etc). Thing is I am really keen to ring him but am too nervous, dating etc has never come naturally as I am so shy.
A couple of things have niggled me ( and I will ask him more abt them) but thought I'd ask the "court of Mumsnet" first grin.
Firstly he is out of work - not a bad thing in itself but it now seems he left a job 5 months ago without a further job to go to and is now unable to find other work.
Secondly his ad/profile indicates he was more looking for a casual relationship rather than anything else.

Now I realise none of this means he is not worth knowing and I actually really like him from his emails. But - if you were starting out on the dating game after a huge gap like mine, would these things ring warning bells for you?

Or should I just pull myself together and ring the bloke?

HedleyLamarr Wed 06-Jul-11 19:35:02

Like you, I am shy. Gird your loins and phone him. Soz like, that's all I've got.

BreakOutTheKaraoke Wed 06-Jul-11 19:40:48

I find it easier to email or text than ring before I meet someone- dont like those awkward silences!

I think what you have to consider is whether you want to jump straight into a serious relationship. After years not worrying about men, I fould I love dating! The excitement getting ready, how fab it is meeting someone new, it really doesn't matter to me that I haven't found someone I would like to settle down with yet. I've made some great new friends in the last year, been for some lovely dates, and had some knock-your-socks off sex. How can that be a bad thing?

anothermum92 Wed 06-Jul-11 19:41:53

Message withdrawn

Dillydaydreaming Wed 06-Jul-11 19:46:58

Thanks for the ideas, have to say the idea of "knock your socks off sex" is ... ahem ... rather exciting grin

Yeah! Suspect if nothing else I might have a friend here. A bit of the other wouldn't go amiss either.

Dillydaydreaming Wed 06-Jul-11 20:51:50

Okay - am gonna have a glass of wine and phone.... possibly.

elastamum Wed 06-Jul-11 21:26:32

Dilly, take it slow and just arrange a casual meeting. But do be aware that if a man says he is looking for something casual then it might well be just sex and it is pretty rare that you will make a friendship from a dating website.

I dated about 12 men before I met my now bf. It was great fun and most were perfectly nice. but I have only met one other man I am still in touch with and I would now count as a friend. Most men on dating websites are eitehr looking for a partner or a shag. Just be safe, dont take it too seriously and have fun!

Dillydaydreaming Thu 07-Jul-11 06:31:18

Oh the idea of "no strings knock yer socks off sex" is okay ( actually it's been 5 years so more than okay grinblush).

No if I meet this guy it'll be a strictly coffee only meet at first. We'll see how we go after that.

CareyFakes Thu 07-Jul-11 09:25:09

I have been online dating for a few months now and bloody love it! Only met three men thus far, first one was ok, we spoke via email first, then on the phone, then met a few days after for coffee. We got on well, was seeing each other for about 6 weeks but I ended it because it because boring and he started with the mind games, great laugh though.

The second one failed to tell me prior to meeting that he was 'in love' with his current girlfriend but she fails to sexually satisfy him. I said I needed the toilet and left sharpish but laughed about it.

The third, I met yesterday, he took me for a drink, a meal and walked me home and was a lovely gentleman. We are meeting again Monday, however, I'm not expecting much to develop, I just want to see how things go.

Go and have fun, remember, it's just coffee or a nice treat, if something more develops, great, if not, NEXT.

Apocalypto Thu 07-Jul-11 12:28:03

I'd recommend finishing the coffee before doing the knock your socks off sex. Otherwise somebody's arse could bang against the table and spill it.

Dillydaydreaming Thu 07-Jul-11 16:07:48

Apocolypso gringringrin

Thank you - yes I will bear that one in mind gringringrin

Dillydaydreaming Sat 09-Jul-11 17:17:39

Okay - sent him a text today so he now has my number.....very brave of me this.

Apocalypto Tue 12-Jul-11 10:55:22

Well come on, let's have an update. Did you get him back to your place for a euphemism?

HedleyLamarr Tue 12-Jul-11 11:35:00

Ooh, good luck OP! Keep us nosey buggers updated. grin

spookshowangel Tue 12-Jul-11 15:51:45

i met a guy online and we mailed for about a month then chatted on the phone then arranged to meet up he just wanted to date nothing serious and so did i. we both wanted to get to know the person we were having knock you socks off sex with but not be tied in to a relationship. so i wouldnt be put off right away by casual can just mean not super serious. as it happens we have been together for 9 months now. but there were a few duff ones before i met him that seemed totally normal so you are right to be on your guard.

mumsamilitant Tue 12-Jul-11 16:02:16

I met my partner of two years through a dating site. But do have to say, I personally wouldnt date someone that was out of work and as for the "casual" thing, in my experience this usually meant they wanted a bit of how your father asap. For me it was a no go as I wanted a relationship. If you want something similar, go for it. Dont waste your time though if it isnt!!!!

Good luck

Dillydaydreaming Tue 12-Jul-11 19:23:34

LOL - I am speaking with him tonight - we've not been out yet. he has been honest and said he thinks he would be crap boyfriend material. At this point I suppose having not had sex in 5 years (yes you DID read that correctly) I am gagging for it I am keen to ease back into all that and he is aware of this. he is older than me and seems to be a serial monogomist - loads of long term exs - one of whom still does some cleaning for him and another who is a good friend. he feels that he has lived alone too long to be a good bet but is prepared to be proved wrong.
On that basis I asctually feel more reassurred. he has never had children and DS has ASD and might be a bit much for him. So - a few dates and no strings "knock yer socks off" sex might be what the doctor ordered. At least if we go in with both eyes open it's fine. I am not averse to some fun dates to get me back in to the swing of it all.

HairyGrotter Tue 12-Jul-11 19:25:05

Glad you've communicated with each other, takes a lot of stress off the situation. Go have some fun, eyes wide open fun!

Dillydaydreaming Tue 12-Jul-11 20:22:32

We had a good laugh, nothing planned as yet but future stuff may be arranged.

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