Apologies if this is a long-winded one...
Have been married almost 11 years, have 2 DC 8 & 4. Up until 2009 relationship with DH fine, very secure and loving, no major probs. But 2009 was an awful year: 3 people close to us died, I ended up looking after 3 extra children (their mum, my friend, had died), got depressed, overweight and ill. Then I discovered my DH had been having an 'emotional' affair with another woman. I got very upset and annoyed, but he kept saying it was just a close friendship. However, I saw a text one day, she called him her 'soulmate'. I had to get really, really annoyed and shouty before he stopped seeing her. Anyway, I thought they had not been in contact for ages, our relationship has improved a lot in the last year. BUT:
My DH often takes the kids to the park when he gets in from work (I make dinner or go to zumba class) and my DD has let slip today that they meet up! As in my DH and kids arrive at park and often this woman and her 2 kids arrive shortly after.
I am feeling sick with rage, that he knows I feel this is out of order. I cannot believe he's still seeing her after all this time (behind my back). Have spoken very briefly about it today and he says that sometimes, purely coincindentally, they are there. But I think it is planned.
Am I being paranoid? What the hell is going on? What do I do?
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Relationships
Confused about my marriage and OW - help/advice please?
RoRoMummy · 06/07/2011 17:52
I would not tackle her again. If your H still cares for her it could make him act in defence of her and if she is playing the fruit cake and kind of stalking him she might sense your tackling her as a weakness and this could galvanise her further. Her lifeforce is contact with your H, no matter how minor, and if she is driving 3 miles to coincidentally gaze at him across a sea of children this seems to demonstrate it. So cut her off at the lifeforce. Follow Wisey and Saffy and show up and put the onus on him to do the right thing, as Stargazy did. I did not have the same experience as Stargazy, turns out my H could not cut off contact. i'm sure if I had confiscated all telecommunications he would have developed a passion for bonfires and sent her smoke signals. 
. I'm practising with these little smileys. 
He has two women bending over backwards, that's what he is getting out of this
And his wife is very conveniently blaming the OW
OP, this man is very far from being "stoopid", he is playing you both like a fiddle 
Yes, I am sure the OW's husband would object quite strongly to her calling another man her 'soulmate'.
This is your husband's responsibility to fix. What a shame you had to hear about the meeting through your DD and not through your H. If he had any respect he would have told you himself that he had bumped into her. You alluded in your OP that this had happened more than once and that your DD 'let slip'. 
I do hope this does not mean your H tried to collude his child into lying to you.
The OW sounds a bit sad/desperate if she takes her DC to a park 3 miles away just to bump into your H. But I have a feeling it has been planned between them and that your H is playing you for a fool.
I remember years & years ago I had a really, really good male friend. Loved him to bits, in a purely platonic way although we were quite flirty. He met a girl, got really serious with her and out of respect for her decided to end our friendship. I was really sad, I missed his company. But I very much respected what he did, and realise now the respect he must have had for her.
Someone said earlier that if your H does not like conflict, why does he do stuff to cause it? That is a very good point. It's time he got his head out of the sand: he is not a fucking ostrich, he is a man. Get angry and make sure this stops.
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