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In my head the relationship has ended but he won't go!

(21 Posts)
lovesun Tue 05-Jul-11 10:36:11

TBH I've always had my reservations about this relationship, at first as usual things were great, we got on so well we had a fab time together, fantastic sex, he was very supportive, felt he was always there for me. As it got to about a year of being together, I started to feel a little apprehensive about it because I felt he didn't really bother with me as much, only saw him once a week and every other weekend, his communication when not together was not great, and I just felt a bit let down and lonely if I'm honest. Also at this point I had still not met any of his family, wereas other family members like his sister had a new bf and her bf was involved with his family pretty much straight away. He left me alone at xmas and easter while he spent it with his family, this upset me too. However when we were together, things were great. Eventually I did meet his Mum, all was fine and the relationship was good when I did actually see him. Another year past and we talked about buying a house together, we looked around houses together, I was so excited. I bought the house in the end, as I had the most equity and inheritance from my Mum recently dieing, also that in a way gave me some securityThe only way he will communicate is by text, even in the same house. He seems to live in his own world which he likes and just comes across as very moody and selfish. He had a bad marriage breakup and can't seem to move on, so basically I will never get what I want out of the relationship. I have asked him to move out as I'm not happy and I really can't see it working, he won't, says he will try harder. I jst don't think he will change, but he won't go. I don't want to get nasty as there are children involved, his and mine, but the hell can I do, I could give him another chance but I just don't trust him to change so many things have happened to make me resent him and not have the same feelings for him, he just won't accept it!!!!

lovesun Tue 05-Jul-11 10:40:54

Somehow there's a bit missing here... I bought the house for my own security as I was still a little apprehensive as to whether he was right for me, the idea was we would try living together and if it worked out he would sell his house and move in properly. However he moved in pretty much the same time as me and never went home also his dd moved in, he never pays much finacially as he has his own house and would say he doesn't use much electric anyway, which annoyed me.......

thesunshinesbrightly Tue 05-Jul-11 10:48:11

Tell him, if he does not leave like you have asked you will have no choice but to get the police to remove him. Make it pefectly clear you do not wish to carry on the relationship even if he does change.
Give him a time he has to be out by and stick to it if he is still there.. call the police. Your going to have to be a bit harder your a pushover and he knows it.

buzzsore Tue 05-Jul-11 10:51:59

You don't owe him a relationship and he has a home to go to, yes? So talk to CAB or a solicitor and find out what legal means you have to get him out. He will have to accept it if you get official.

As you're not married and the house is yours, I doubt he has any claim on it and you have the right to ask and even make him leave. Give him notice and then have him removed if necessary.

TheFarSideOfFuck Tue 05-Jul-11 10:52:09

Blimey, what the hell are you doing with this man ?

he communicates by text around the house ?

He sounds like he isn't really that into you, sorry

at the moment he is nothing but a boring and grumpy cocklodger

tell him to leave, and don't take no for an answer

if he says he will "try" tell him you are no longer interested

Classic cocklodger. Aren't you lucky that you bought the house yourself and didn't put his name on it. As he has a house to go to anyway, you can simply throw him out and if he refuses to leave, you can call the police to put him out.
If you don't feel like being quite that harsh, tell him to move out temporarily and point out that if he was interested in making an effort to fix the relationship he would do as you ask to show he takes your feelings seriously.

ShoutyHamster Tue 05-Jul-11 11:32:48

Stuff on the lawn (or better, delivered round to HIS lawn) next time he's out.

He won't go, you know - it's like trying to shift a big lazy dog off a warm chair. Nothing to do with you or the relationship - just an easy ride. Cocklodger. Take action!

Smum99 Tue 05-Jul-11 11:49:39

I'm so glad you have your own house, that is a relief. I do wonder if he thinks that when you say you want it to end the relationship he assumes it's a 'moan' and he has to promise to do better but it isn't actually final. You could be in this cycle.

If that's the case I think you need to sit him down and talk him through the break-up, explain that you and him have tried to make it work, suggest a date when he moves out and ask him to talk to his dd about the date. If he becomes unreasonable/threatening then you have have every right to call the police but I suspect you will have to ensure that he knows you are final and serious about it. Do make sure you are sure - don't let him believe there is an opportunity for another chance as he might believe this is just a threat from you.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Tue 05-Jul-11 12:45:28

Either change the locks when he's out or give him 10 days notice he has to leave and then call the police if he doesn't leave.

As another poster said - you dont "owe" him a relationship.

If he wants to try harder to make the relationship work he can - he just has to do that from another home.

lovesun Tue 05-Jul-11 12:45:53

I told him again this morning, he says he loves me, really wants it to work, will try his hardest etc etc. I still said he needs to leave even for just a break, then he turned and said he's taking this and that, I said ok as he's only bought a small amount of things here which I can do without! Then he comes home from work in tears begging me for another chance, he relises how selfish he's been and please can we sit and talk. I've said we can talk because I felt sorry for him. I know I'm a wimp don't shout at me I'm struggling with this have no family near by to help. feel like screaming ahhhh

TheFarSideOfFuck Tue 05-Jul-11 12:47:55

he loves you like he loves the dishwasher

a useful domestic appliance, that needs a little fine tuning every so often but imbetween times can be left to just get on with the job it was designed for

GiveMeSomeSpace Tue 05-Jul-11 12:52:11

Stick to your guns. If he wants it to work then he should repsect your views and give you some space by moving out for a bit (if not for good). One you've got the space you need, you'll be able to think more clearly.

lovesun Tue 05-Jul-11 13:17:50

that made me laugh thefarsideoffuck!! So so true lol!!

TheFarSideOfFuck Tue 05-Jul-11 13:39:54

so what are you going to do, LS ?

make like a dishwasher, or cut him loose to find another domestic appliance with a vagina ?

ljgibbs Tue 05-Jul-11 14:22:40

Is this the one who complains when you buy something for your son and demands that you buy the same or equivalent for his DD? The one with the DD who sends nasty texts about you to him.

If you are the same poster then get your locks changed and don't tell them, it's not as if you will be making them homeless is it.

Even if you're not the same poster change your locks anyway he and the dd do have soomewhere else to live.

TheFarSideOfFuck Tue 05-Jul-11 14:26:08

aw no, this isn't boxroom is it ?

lovesun Tue 05-Jul-11 14:48:43

No I'm not that poster lol! Nothing like that goes on here!

TheFarSideOfFuck Tue 05-Jul-11 15:03:22

good, that bloody boxroom keeps catching me out

lovesun Wed 06-Jul-11 08:15:47

Well he still hasn't gone, I'm sure he just thinks I will get over my little tantrum and everything will be ok! So it looks like the packing his bags and change locks scenario might be the only one left! He just sat here on his lap top last night playing games, ignored anything I said!!!

LuckyMrsT Wed 06-Jul-11 10:29:56

Hi lovesun. I went out with a bloke who wouldn't take no for an answer once, it's bloody infuriating isn't it? I think you're done talking now. How many times are you going to ask him to go? Change the locks when he's out and bag up all of his things and anything else you're happy for him to have. Let's be honest, you don't even like the guy and you're letting him live in your house!

Yes, pack up his stuff, put it on the step and change the locks. You are legally entitled to do so. If he kicks up a racket outside when he returns, call the police and explain that you have thrown him out because he refused to leave; they will remove him.

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