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how to retain intimacy in the house with teens

(28 Posts)
ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 17:15:16

Ist off - we have no family support - dh family live a long long way away and my parent is disabled and would not manage.Our earlly teens stay up as late as us nearly and if go to bed are still awake when i go- i need lot sleep and go to bed early...
How on earth does anyone manage to still have sex!!Or private conversations for that matter- nothing earth shattering - just private. Yes they go out but often one out one in - eg this am took dd to her sport.dd in rest of day- ds happened to be out but local and in and out all the time.
.We tried to arrange a sleep over at two seperate houses once as they are dd and ds and have seperate friends, but one fell thro so we did not get a night..I could ask a friend to help out once a year but i dont think that wd solve the issue..i sort of miss my dh - but love my dc s dearly ...xx

ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 18:09:49

anyone...impatient me !!!...................x

Vroomfondel Sun 03-Jul-11 18:10:40

once a year we have a weekend away and make the most of it.

Madlizzy Sun 03-Jul-11 18:13:13

For private conversations, you send them to their room for a certain time, not sent to bed, but wind down so you get adult time. As for the other, just quietly! If the kids get an inkling, they'll be so disgusted that they won't mention it to you. grin

ModreB Sun 03-Jul-11 18:21:00

I sat down with my teenage DS's and explained that DH and I need private, adult time, in the same way that they like to have private, teenage time. I explained that this is what keeps us happy, contented and more important to them, together as a couple. I also told them that this is important to them as it keeps us happy as parents.

So, we get 2 or 3 nights a week when they take themselves off to their rooms at about 9pm, and we get to sit and talk, laugh, have our time.

WRT sex, well, the door gets locked, and if they dont like the noise, they always have their ipods!

venusandmars Sun 03-Jul-11 18:40:04

One advantage of teens is that you can go out without them. Can you inject some new passion into your relationship by having sex somewhere that is not in your own house in your own bed.

Another advantage is that although teens stay up late, they are notoriously bad at waking up in the morning, so you have that possibility to explore.

camdancer Sun 03-Jul-11 19:20:02

My parents used to have sex at about 5am. I walked in on them once. shock After that I quickly learnt that a closed door means knock first and only if it is really important.

Get a pair of industrial ear defenders each. Wear them while having sex. That way neither of you will be able to hear the anguished cries of "NONONONONONONO....STOPPITSTOPPITSTOPPIT" from your dear children.

coffeeinbed Sun 03-Jul-11 20:17:35

Early morning.
No teenager's even seen the sunrise.

FabbyChic Sun 03-Jul-11 20:26:25

Go to bed with your husband and watch a dvd togther with a glass of wine, why do you ahve to stay in the lounge or even downstairs, you are entitled to you time.

I used to do that with my partner, go to bed at 9 to watch a film and have sex.

Hullygully Sun 03-Jul-11 20:29:13

what's sex again?

coffeeinbed Sun 03-Jul-11 20:45:06

Sex is what your teenager's up to whenever you're out of the house for the weekend.

mumblechum1 Sun 03-Jul-11 20:54:16

grin at coffee.

Our ds is out most of the time not having sex and drinking ina--field--somewhere and on the rare occasions when he is home he is in his room.

He's been at a festival since Friday afternoon. We are glowing happy wink

GnomeDePlume Sun 03-Jul-11 20:55:35

Bolt on the door
Early mornings
Days off
Early nights

mumblechum1 Sun 03-Jul-11 21:48:12

OP, aren't your teens out and about most of the time? How old are they?

ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 22:15:36

mumblechum- no they are not out most of time -.wellif they are one of us is with em....... both do sport activities which involve one of us - or both - in different directions!!-taking them -they play at different county and district events so its not a ten min job there so can nip back- it can be half a day or most of a day at weekends and whole evenings weekday, then they are wanting to be home or chill sat aft or evenings - downtime - by self or with us or pals - they are both sociable and often have friends round, so often a housefull which is lovely- you wd think that this means that they are often out on return invites - they are but it seems at the same time!!.

ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 22:17:17

coffee- you wont belive it but they are up at 7 am- travel to school and their bodies wake em up at weekends as if it a school day !!

ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 22:19:57

mumble chum - sorry tired - typed incorrectly- yes they are out- but rarley at same time !!!!

cybboid Sun 03-Jul-11 22:21:07

My dd (15) only comes downstairs for mealtimes- would love to see more of her!

ilovearnold Sun 03-Jul-11 22:29:51

cyboid- that phenomenon hasnt got into our household yet - dd for eg will come and look for me and play nintendo near me or cook near me or want o chat - if friends around, dont see, but if not,. im the " friend"!!!

Bogeyface Sun 03-Jul-11 22:40:18

We have a phrase that we use quite often that illicits rolled eyes and "here we go again" looks! Its "Right, bog off to your rooms, grown up time!"

DS who is 20 pointed out that he is a grown up too, but DH said that until he pays the mortgage he doesnt count which DS accepted with good grace grin

And we have sex when we got to bed. If they are awake then so be it. I am ok with that because a) they have ipods etc that they can plug into if they feel the need and b) I want them to know that sex is part of a healthy and happy marriage. DH and I have never felt the need to hide our kisses or cuddles, and similarly whilst we dont make the house shake and do try to be quiet, we dont go out of our way to hide our sex life either. Knowing that Mum and Dad still do it.... you is amazingly cringe making for a teen, but its also good for them to know that you still love each other and want each other. It teaches them a good lesson about love and sex and respect and marriage. I know this because my DS told me, which makes me think we have got it right smile

ledkr Sun 03-Jul-11 22:47:59

I have made a nice bedroom for me and dh to disappear to,im very lucky its in the attic and fairly sound proof,i hope grin I aggree about not over shielding them from adult relationships,when i got divorced it wasnt me with the teenagers kicking off when i had a boyfriend.

skrumle Mon 04-Jul-11 14:50:07


DD knocked on our door a couple of weeks ago about 11pm (i thought she was asleep) to ask if I was okay because i sounded ill...

DD is only just 11 though so we get away with late at night and early mornings - although nothing wrong with booking the odd day off work so you can spend the day shagging while they're at school IMO wink

noddyholder Mon 04-Jul-11 14:59:27

I only have one ds 17 and it is tricky. He has his bedroom right next to ours and we have no en suite so me Mrs Cystitis has to stagger along the landing to wee after sex and his computer is still on and I cringe every time. He is out a fair bit though. I find the talking more annoying as ds is so bloody nosy so we often go for an early drink at the local pub in teh garden before dinner if we want to talk without ds's 'advice'. Early mornings are good as someone else said teenagers sleep like the dead in the morning so that is your best bet.

noddyholder Mon 04-Jul-11 15:01:17

I agree with bogey although they are cringing on the outside I like to think somewhere deep down it is registering that you still love each other and that that element of their lives is quite stable. Thats what I tell myself anyway grin

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