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I dont want my Husband back but surely is 'ok' to have relationship again though very different???

(6 Posts)
loisebony Sun 03-Jul-11 15:14:06

Advice and opinions needed again please.

Seperated about 3 months ago now
Sold house -both rent-2 boys aged 15y and 13y-one with each which works well.

After all the initial 'nasty and bitter behaviour etc.....it has really calmed down.
I feel so very happy......learning a lot about myself and enjoying my little house...my older daughter also lives with me -she is 26yo.

My H is also happy-shed loads of weight-has really done well in his house, cooks,cleans etcetc. Misses me loads etc-realises how s..t he treated me, also admits being addicted to computer game and depressed.......all stopped now.

I have no desire to move back with him-nor does he with me. Yet we are now enjoying each others company and I really see the man that I fell in love with.

I neither have no desire to find another man.....could do fairly easily but tbh, 2nd marriage, 4 kids,aged 50y.....lots of baggage etc...I really cant hack it.

So does anyone else have relationship like this?? For whatever reason? Alternative and odd to some but if it works and the family function so much better do we really have to do what 'society says we should'?

I know Im an independent person.....never lived on own before-went from first to second marriage quickly.........I so enjoy my own space.

So Not sure where this will all end up...obviously the expense of two homes....not that easy but feels worth it to have an enjoyable relationship. Boys happy too.

I have good job-he is retraining so he will earn good money too

Mad or sad?????? x

buzzsore Sun 03-Jul-11 15:23:59

If it works for you both, then don't feel you have to justify to anyone or that it should be moving into getting back together in the same household. As long as you're both on the same page it's great - it's only if he wants more or if perhaps someone else comes onto the scene that there might be problems.

lookbutdonttouch Sun 03-Jul-11 15:53:09

I know of another couple who separated years ago, never got around to divorcing, grown up child and a grandchild and they have separate houses and yet still see each other...

They also see other people as and when but always end up seeing each other again. Still do family events together.

No idea how they cope with any jealousy issues when seeing others or maybe they don't have them.

Give it a shot, see how it goes, have the 'others' chat..?

Your life.

Wisedupwoman Sun 03-Jul-11 16:16:58

Wow!

That's really quickly to have done a turnaround both of you. If it works for both of you why not?

Nothing at all wrong with having a relationship like this as long as you both understand the way it works ie you have agreed and discussed whether or not you are free to date other people. Because if one of you is thinking that this is a step along the road to getting back together and the other is looking for new partners or at least someone to have sex with, there is going to be trouble ahead.
FWIW I have a similar relationship with my DS' dad, though we were never married nor living together: we did date each other about 20 years ago but when DS was concieved we were just drinking buddies who occasionally shagged. We would not work as a couple but as co-parents with separate houses we get on fine.

loisebony Sun 03-Jul-11 19:50:12

Thanks for replies...encouraging....yes we both know where we stand regarding-meeting someone else/deciding to move to 'next step' if we need to. Just want to see where it goes....nothing to lose x

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