Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Her father abused her - WWYD?

(15 Posts)
ThaggieMatcher Sat 02-Jul-11 14:43:04


My brother told me that his fiance's father is a paedophile and abused his daughter (her) when she was a child.

I simply do not know what to do with this information. He has sworn me to secrecy. Even her mum doesnt know sad. He met her mum when she was 14 and he was 36.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 02-Jul-11 14:46:07

I would do nothing as your brother was probably told not to tell anyone.

shesgotherlipstickon Sat 02-Jul-11 14:52:57

Don't tell anyone?

bagelmonkey Sat 02-Jul-11 14:55:10

Your brother told you because he needed to share the information with someone he could trust. Don't tell anyone.

ThaggieMatcher Sat 02-Jul-11 14:58:53

My brother gave me the impression he is still an "active" paedophile. What if children are being abused??!!! Don't tell anyone because my brother told me not to????

LargeGlassofRed Sat 02-Jul-11 14:59:03

Do tell anyone! If his fiancé wants to tell anyone or do anything about it, that is up to her!

bagelmonkey Sat 02-Jul-11 15:13:04

If there is any suspicion that he is an active paedophile your brother must persuade her to report him.

MoonGirl1981 Sat 02-Jul-11 15:18:19

You need to report him - sorry!

If there's a paedophile wandering about then the police NEED to know.

Do it for the sake of all local children.


DioneTheDiabolist Sat 02-Jul-11 15:18:57

There is nothing you can do. The only person who can do anything is your brother's fiance. Sorry you are in this situation.

shesgotherlipstickon Sat 02-Jul-11 15:35:01

You can't do anything. You can't report him on this My brother gave me the impression he is still an "active" paedophile.

You as what the 4th party, have been told by a 3rd party he has an "impression".

The only person who can report it is his fiancée. This is something you can talk to your brother about, maybe and get him to persuade her?

Realistically though, you can't report him for anything and, you may find the messenger gets shot.

thisisyesterday Sat 02-Jul-11 15:39:08

urgh, what an awful situation to be in

I have to say, if it were me and i thought there was even the slightest bit of truth in him being an active paedophile now then I would be giving brother, or his fiancee if you know her well enough, an ultimatum

that if they do not report him to the police then you will.

i can understand the reasons why she may not want to do it, really i can. but if there is any chance that he is still abusing children then i don't see how any of you can not act on it

shesgotherlipstickon Sat 02-Jul-11 15:42:17

Yes, because giving her an ultimatum will really work.

It will probably end up in op being excluded from her brothers life and all hell breaking lose.

She needs to get the brother to talk his wife areound gentley if this man is to come to justice.

The police will not act on op's information, the DD will need to be willing to testify, or else they won't do anything.

Going in guns a blazing, on a heated subject, will not help the matter, I'm telling you.

tethersend Sat 02-Jul-11 15:56:21

Does your brother have children? Are they planning to have children?

This might be a good way for you to begin discussing the issue with your brother. He needs to talk to his fiancee; you need to support him to do so.

LuckyMrsT Sat 02-Jul-11 22:39:46

If he has access to ANY CHILDREN WHATSOEVER AT ANY TIME you need to do something. An anonymous call to social services will start the ball rolling, even if they don't obviously act a record of concerns will be made and checks done.

Ganshee Sun 03-Jul-11 00:26:23

There is nothing more tragic or horrific in life than a young child being abused. It hurts deep inside for me to think that anyone would do that to such an innocent. These people need help.

I would caution you to consider the words carefully though. I'm not suggesting that your brother may be lieing but sometimes the truth can be distorted.

It's a difficult situation. Discuss it more with your brother and find out exactly how he knows and reinforce this information as best you can.

IF you are both clear cut that he has done something horrendous then you will, without a doubt, need to report him. The man needs help - and quickly - before others endure his disgusting physical and mental torment.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now