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The only reason I'm with DP

(10 Posts)
CrumbySofa Fri 01-Jul-11 14:48:51

Is because I'm frightened of having nothing to do on a weekend.

To explain -

We don't live together, have no children and no joint responsibility. Been together 3 years. There is alot of horrible history between us, he's lied to me, laughed about me behind my back, used me and controlled me. We did split up but then got back together. He seems to be trying harder now but I can't forget al the shit he's done in the past. I'm still angry with him although I never show it. I don't want to be with him, we have no future.

However I have few friends. The friends I do have are always busy on weekends so when my children go to their father's I am on my own and this is when I see DP. We have fun, we go out for food or cook in/order take-away, sometimes go for a drive to the coast etc - I've never admitted this even to myself before but the whole reason I'm still with him is because I don't want to be alone on the weekends.

This is really shit isn't it and I know I need to end it but I'm so scared of the weekends alone, I'm scared I'll get depressed. I have little money to take up new hobbies either.

mumsamilitant Fri 01-Jul-11 14:57:33

Hiya. Oh dear, feeling lonely is horrid isnt it. I was on my own with a DS for a number of years until i started dating! why not give one of the free sites a browse? You do get a lot of idiots on them so a thick skin is a must but I met my lovely partner of 2 years on one called plenty of fish. Out with the old and in with the new might be a good idea!

Good luck x

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Fri 01-Jul-11 14:59:59

Talking to the acquaintances you do have to deepen the friendship costs nothing, as does suggesting weekend outings to them. Most cities have plenty of free or nearly free events on.

Being alone is a scary, scary thought to many of us, and we can only be too willing to sell our souls for the comfort of knowing that we are "not alone".

But it's not worth it. Truly, you deserve better than to sell yourself short.

You can learn to cope with your feelings of inadequacy and loneliness, and build healthier friednships and romantic relationships.

two2many Fri 01-Jul-11 15:00:47

You will never meet anyone new if you spend all of your weekends out and about with your (d)P though . So could you try go out without him the odd weekend ? It's not really fair imo to string him along but then again he sounds like a twat to be "laughing behind your back" etc.

HellonHeels Fri 01-Jul-11 15:02:33

I would rather spend weekends on my own than with a person who had treated me so badly. You say you 'have fun' together but it doesn't really sound as though it is fun.

If you plan your weekends further in advance could you 'book in' your busy friends?

If you want to get out and about and meet people you could try - hundreds of groups covering a wide range of interests and full of people who want to be friendly and meet others. They are not all expensive activities - walking groups, book groups, craft get togethers are all pretty low cost or free.

Don't waste your precious weekends and time off with a person who doesn't deserve your company. You can do much better!

CrumbySofa Fri 01-Jul-11 15:04:58

I honestly believe this is the reason he's with me also. He has no friends and without me would never go anywhere at all. The difference is he's happy with the situation, he's fine with "making do" but I'm not. I've just turned 30 and I want a REAL relationship. I don't want to be constantly thinking "right, what excuse can I use to get out of sex this weekend?" I should be WANTING to have sex.

Ironically - I met him on Plenty of Fish mumsamilitant.

I suppose I could give it another go, suppose the dates would give me something to do on a weekend too grin

oldwomaninashoe Fri 01-Jul-11 15:05:22

I can totally understand this, but at least you are honest about it. Does your DP think the relationship has a future, if no plans have been made for a future together where is the harm in you both enjoying each others company and having fun.
As long as DP is not labouring under the assumption that you are a committed couple it shouldn't be a problem to you.

Do make an effort though to widen your circle and meet new people.

frazzle26 Fri 01-Jul-11 22:17:36

If you feel like this then you have to end it OP. I know what the lonlieness is like as I'm a single parent myself but as another poster said if you stay with your partner then you may never meet someone really lovely. It is a huge step to take so perhaps you should plan what you would do on your own for the first few weeks that you're on your own so that it's not so overwhelming. If you suspect he's feeling the same as you then he may end it anyway then it will be even more of a shock and you will have even less time to adjust. Good luck.

lookingfoxy Fri 01-Jul-11 22:29:45

Well if realistically your not going to end it, why don't you try and get involved in socialising with other people WITH him, that way you both get to meet new people and its always easier doing it in pairs.

maleview70 Fri 01-Jul-11 22:39:31

Why does being happy for so many people have to involve being in a relationship?

Most of these dating sites are a joke and full of idiots.

Why not get some interests and take those up at the weekend. You never know what doors that might open!

You need to end this relationship because its not really that is it?

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