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Where is my backbone?

(7 Posts)
wheresmybackbone Fri 01-Jul-11 11:02:36

Can someone please help me find it? I am ridiculously smitten with someone and we've had an on/off thing for several years, I've allowed myself to get sucked back in. It's always him that calls the shots. He reduces me from the clever, confident woman that I normally am to someone that he controls, I just can't say no to him. I really should be able to.

His latest request is money, he needs to 'borrow' some, he seems to feel entitled to my money. What really annoys me about this is that the thing he needs it for is to fund his weekend. This will basically mean him using my money to spend on other girls. I can't handle that, and there's no reason as to why I should. I rationally know this. The thing is though, if I tell him to piss off and see his bank manager rather than me, the bit of stuff he is obviously using, he will really fall out with me. I know I am a fool, but I find this difficult to handle. I know how ridiculous all of this reads.

There are lots of red flags, the biggest one being that he doesn't want a relationship with me, and I rationally know that this is a Good Thing. I can't think of what I am getting out of this situation to be honest, yet I can't make myself get out of it. I'm not sure why I love him, but I do.

I also suspect he has NPD, if that's relevant.

So if you've seen my backbone, do let me know!

Diggs Fri 01-Jul-11 11:34:05

I thought Npd as i was reading actually which would explain why youve been sucked so far in . I think theres a thread about this that can help you .

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Fri 01-Jul-11 11:45:03

Try to see if you can locate your backbone by reading the links in the first few posts of this thread, wheres.

Or even better, this one.

share Fri 01-Jul-11 11:48:37

NPD? what's that?
Anyway, you know what to do even if I don't know what NPD is.
Behave how you want to in the end it's your life, let him mess it up or let yourself build it up. Easier said than done at times I must take my own advice smile

share Fri 01-Jul-11 11:50:35

WOW itsmeandmypuppynow that second link is spot on wheresmybackbone go read it now, print it out I'm going to!

You have somehow internalised the myth that if you hang on long enough, submitting, obeying, lying on your back with your legs open and '^loving^' him enough, he will one day clap his hand to his forehead and shriek 'But you are the one I loved all along, how could I never have noticed it?' and marry you.

It's a myth. It's bullshit. It will never work out and you are doing yourself a lot of harm here, nothing is more destructive than trying to force someone to love you when that person patently doesn't and never will.

buzzsore Fri 01-Jul-11 11:51:01

Give your bankcard to me instead grin.

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