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His Breakdown- update, finding it really hard some kind words please

(29 Posts)
Orchidlady Fri 01-Jul-11 11:00:15

Posted a few times over the last the past few months. It’s official DP is really in a middle of a breakdown and I am finding it exhausting. After much conniving on my part he is finally seeking help and MHT are monitoring him very closely, seeing him 3 times a week. On AD's and was prescribed Diazepam yesterday ( I really not sure about that, reading about this on the internet this morning, they don't seem to be the right thing to give someone who is severely depressed) Does anyone have experience with this? Spent another long night watching him fall apart. I feel knackered and a bit anxious. ( even went to bed in my clothes last night in case I had to call 999) WHF. Should be working now but typing on here and now feeling guilty. Sorry just need to vent, just need to be strong for him but feeling really lonely. Some kind words of encouragement please!! This is a nightmare.

HedleyLamarr Fri 01-Jul-11 11:08:19

There's no need to feel guilty. I don't have any experience of other peoples depression other than knowing it's horrible. There are a lot of nice folk on here who can give far better advice than I can, I just want to send you my best and an unmumsnetty <hug>.

garlicnutter Fri 01-Jul-11 11:13:50

Oh, poor you, no wonder you're exhausted! Diazepam is a tranquilliser. Maybe they think he's liable to go into a huge rage and/or needs a hell of a lot of sleep?

I really wouldn't have liked to live with me while I was breaking down (was much less random than your H, too). My only good advice in the short-term is to distance yourself from it if it's too much! Imo it would better if he could spend a few weeks in hospital - but I know that's hard these days, unless you've got humungous health insurance.

Getting him to sleep would probably be helpful for both of you. I'd definitely make an appointment with your GP and/or the MHT for yourself - at the very least, you'll be able to dump on somebody.

Small comforts for yourself - Give yourself a daily ration of whatever really does make you feel good in normal life. An exercise class, bottle of wine with a friend, comedy DVD, long bath, whatever. Your wellbeing is crucial. Try using a self-hypnosis/relaxation CD every day, it will you avoid a breakdown of your own. Take a look at the books by Susan Jeffers and Richard Carlson, they're both very good at getting you through a difficult time.

If all else fails, get yourself out of there for a while with the DCs. It may feel disloyal, but you seriously do need to take care of your own mental health.

Good luck and hugs.

Orchidlady Fri 01-Jul-11 11:21:14

Thanks, Hedley. Thanks Garlic, he is really is random believe me but the only person he is going to harm is himself. It is horrible to witness, I am ok just really tired and know I need to concentrate on work as someone needs to keep apying the bills.Just want to be in my garden today really but ho hum!!

Orchidlady Fri 01-Jul-11 11:22:48

Hospital does not seem to be on offer as there so few beds, he would not go anyway, well unless he finally decides to carry out his threats, then it will probably be too late.

garlicnutter Fri 01-Jul-11 11:35:38

You're being brave smile
Do get out in the garden for a while. It's going to rain later!

cestlavielife Fri 01-Jul-11 13:03:59

HI Orchid, ahd been wondering how it was going for you....

my exP was given diazepan too and there was days i begged him to take one as he was literally climbing up the walls (ok radiators and units).

in the end i persuaded him to go to his family overseas (europe)... he nearly didnt go, callign hsi friend on the day saying he wanted to kill himself, forutnatley they were on other end saying "we wil help you so long as you help yourself, get on the plane and we will meet you..." id dint think he would get on the plane but he did... it was such a relief... someone esle could deal with him...

if sending him off to family/friends isnt an option then do as was suggested and get yourself and Dc out of there even for a few days - tell CMHT you going for x number of days and they can check up on him daily during that time. (or admit him if they feel it is needed).

so long as you there to care for him they wont find a bed - the day you say I wont /cant have him at home they will have to....

has he been offered day service at hospital? what is he doing in day time?

have you been given number of social services to call for a carers assessment?
emphasise your DC needs - how is DS coping?

cestlavielife Fri 01-Jul-11 13:06:33

oh and give yourself a lunch break in the garden smile

Orchidlady Fri 01-Jul-11 13:20:27

Hello Cest, he is having a good day today and gone to work. In one way if we can keep him busy it seems to help. I have nowhere to go and besides if I did he will probably try and kill himself. DS is doing well and being really well behaved bless him, said daddy seems happier since taking his pills. DP said today he actually felt a bit more upbeat today, though last night was really bad. Taking each day as it comes. I need to keep working but finding it really hard to concentrate tbh, which in turn makes me feel really guilty. Really don't like the fact he is armed to the teeth with drugs now, bit suprised about the Diazepan, I don't think it is the right drug for him to have but what do I know

garlicnutter Fri 01-Jul-11 13:47:57

The only time my dad was contented was when he took Valium (diazepam). He couldn't stay on it forever, as it's addictive, but we all used to wish he'd use it more often. Please don't worry about long-term effects right now, you're in a crisis situation. Great news that he felt able to cope with work today!

CinnabarRed Fri 01-Jul-11 14:00:32


CinnabarRed Fri 01-Jul-11 14:02:10


cestlavielife Sun 03-Jul-11 16:29:32

if he can go to work and not kill himself he can stay home or go elsewhere and not kill himself or be away from you and not kill himself...dont take on too much. ask the MHT to organize somewhere for him to be so you can get a break...

Orchidlady Thu 07-Jul-11 09:41:27

Ended up calling 999 last night, dp took 30mg of Diazipam after dring nearly 3 bottles of wine. Hope I did not over react would hate to think of wating anyones time. Anyone got experience of Diazipam?

Saffysmum Thu 07-Jul-11 10:33:00

Hi Orchidlady - wish I'd seen this thread earlier, when I'm not hanging around on MN with all my woes, I'm a MH nurse in real life!

Sorry you're going through this, it's so tough on loved ones, you feel powerless, helpless, burdened, overwhelmed, resentful and out of your depth I bet.

Diazipam is a tranquilliser. It's often prescribed on short courses at the start of other meds, and calms the patient down, because ADs take a while to kick in, often about two weeks, and ADs can heighten anxiety and suicidal tendancies in that time. So a course of Diazipam will be prescribed short term to counteract the initial effects of the ADs, and will numb the patient to some extent, whilst the ADs start to work. Once the ADs work, the Diazipam if only a short course is stopped immediately, or if a long course, then it is gradually reduced. Diazipam is highly addictive, which is why its usually prescribed in short doses.

Glad you called 999, you had no option, mixing booze and 'pam isn't good - both are depressants.

How is he today? Has he been admitted? Hopefully this will make the MHT step up and do more for him.

You have my sympathy: you can only do so much, the professionals will have to take over, you need a break from this - even just half an hour now and then, go for a walk, have a nice bath. You're not responsible for his wellbeing. Take care.

Orchidlady Thu 07-Jul-11 11:00:16

Thanks Saffy "you feel powerless, helpless, burdened, overwhelmed, resentful and out of your depth I bet." you got in one oh and this morning for some reason I am feeling really angry. They wanted to admit him to A/E but he refused to go so I was told to get him to sleep and not let him have any alcohol, when they left he tried to drink some Whisky, I literally had to wrestle to bottle of him, god this is ridiculous. I have called MHT this morning they are already aware as this was reported to them., but really pleased I called to get an insight. Strangely he seems ok this morning, does not really remember much of last night, I can barely stand to look @ him. Anyway he has a appoint with psychiatrist @ 2.00 today.

Saffysmum Thu 07-Jul-11 11:12:35

You know, I nearly added "angry" to the long list of things you feel! It's completely natural, I'd be furious in your shoes. There you are bending over backwards to help and he's on a self distruct mission.

He must have a really high tolerance level to still be conscious after that amount of drink, coupled with the diazipam. What ads have the prescribed btw?

Glad he has appt this afternoon with psych. If you're attending with him, make it crystal clear that you can't cope with this - NHS are wonderful, but will let carers do far far more than they should, if they feel they are coping sometimes.

Lay it on the line politely and firmly: you won't be able to care for him for much longer unless something gives - they need to support more, and you need to unburden him on them more.

Good luck - keep posting. As my dear old nan used to say, "This too will pass".

lifeshock Thu 07-Jul-11 11:13:38

No useful advice just wanted to offer my support.
I know life is really hard at the moment but it will get better. Try and get some space away from him and his problems if you can. Get family to help out if possible.
Good luck

Orchidlady Thu 07-Jul-11 11:44:07

He is on Sertraline (100mg). I know it is only a matter of time before he does something really stupid, even if not intentionally. I can't go today with him as DS is off school and need to take care of him. I had told him dad is not well as he wanted to know why the ambulance was here and why dad was "acting weirdly I have had long converstion with MHT this morning so they are wised up, he does a very good job of hiding things. Even denied he had taken 3 Diazipam, until I showed him the packet. Has asked me to hide it from him. WTF

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 15:12:54

hang in there orchidlady.

keep calling 999 on him.

remove all drink from house

and consider how MHT could help you more eg admitting him for a few days to give you and DS a break?

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 15:14:11

what is the diagnosis psych has given?

Orchidlady Thu 07-Jul-11 16:10:38

Hi Cest, he was pretty annoyed I can called 999, but as the MHT pointed out that should he have taken maybe just 1 more then he could well me dead now. I waiting for him to come home I beliive they have changed his mediacation again, which he now needs to take in the evening and is a 24 hour thing??? god knows. Drugs costing and absolute fortune. Still really don't know what his diaognosis is yet.

Orchidlady Thu 07-Jul-11 16:26:35

Do think derpession can be catching LOL, this is really beginning to get me down, even feeling anxious, not had that horrible feeling for years. Got so much going on and trying to cope maybe being too hard on myself but someone has to keep it together. Mum is being a good support though. She made me call 999, I was really worried and thought I might be wasting peoples time. Only the 2nd time I have called 999 in my life

Saffysmum Thu 07-Jul-11 20:02:31

I know they've changed his meds now - when you know what he's on let me know. Sertraline is widely used in the US - its an SSRi (serotonin uplifter if you like). Takes at least 3 weeks to kick in - how long was he on that for? Usually prescribed for severe depression/anxiety/mania.

I really think if they're adjusting meds now, if the above hasn't had a chance to work, then he should really be in hospital being monitored. So please phone them every day if you have to, and don't hesitate to phone 999 and please don't beat yourself up about phoning them again if you need to.

Alcohol will both depress him, and impact on the effect of any drugs. The effect of diazipam and alcohol can be fatal if overdosed. So get rid of any alcohol if you can. Do you have anybody - a relation of his perhaps or a close friend who could stay with you and help you over the next few days?

Of course you feel low - there is nothing wrong with you saying this - I'd be amazed if you weren't. So see your GP if you need to - don't struggle on. Something like Citalopram at 20mgs may well help you.

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 20:07:58

yes see gp and ask for counsellor service at least so you can talk thru what is going on.

it is "depression fallout"

you are not going to be wasting time calling 999 = as you say one more pill and it could be too late

better you call 999 than risk something worse - but dont you have crisis team number also to call day or night?

but on any time - best call 999 paramedics can come assess him

as saffy said - probably he should really be in hospital being monitored - it will only be when you refuse to care for him at home that they will find him a bed (unless next time his drink/drug taking is much much worse outcome)

talk to your GP about how it is impacting you - when i was going thru similar my gp called me every day she was a great support.

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