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Narc mum sending card.....

(6 Posts)
prettywhiteguitar Thu 30-Jun-11 16:54:17

Not sure if anyone knows my back story but heres a quick summary from a post I have posted previuosly on so I don't have to write it out I need some perspective on her sending my dp a birthday card...

Had a baby a month ago, My mum was dog sitting for her friend down south, on her birthday which was 2 weeks ago, I put my mum off coming to see us as I couldn't handle her and a 2 week old baby so I said come after dog sitting

She seemed a bit put out but ok, anyway called on her birthday in the evening, she was tearful on the phone saying she thought i'd forgotten it was her birthday, AND then started on having a go about her friend, her dogs, how badly behaved they were (she dog sat for them last year, knows exactly what they are like) and how her friend was supposed to be travelling back sooner from holiday as it was her birthday but now it would be too late to do was 9pm and her friend has suggested having a drink when they got in, about half an hour away (this is rich as she will happily stay up till 1am at home)

Right so this is where I have actually been a bad daughter, as she was coming i didn't bother putting anything in the post for her birthday, she did ask for photo's of the baby (in a sad voice) so now shes got home, whenever that was and there was nothing there for her. Sooooo shes in a massive mood and not calling me, I am not calling her because frankly I don't want her here and I'm slightly interested in how long she can hold out for.....

I feel like I'm conducting an experiment

And even though I know a normal parent would call straight after their holiday and ask how the baby was and me even if there hadn't been a card in the post I still feel bad. A normal parent would make a joke about how usless I'd been and how you can't get anything done with a newborn baby and how all consuming breastfeeding is......but not her

she will be thinking


anyways she's sent dp a birthday card with a little boy on the front and in kids writing it says on the front "turning upside down makes you happy because all the sad feelings get all dizzy and fall out"

now am I being super sensitive or is this a strange birthday card to send ? just says with love on the indise so its not even a birthday card

personally it screams emotional blackmail but I'm questioning myself cause I'm so hormonal at the moment, what do you think ?

Fairenuff Thu 30-Jun-11 17:10:52

I think it's a strange card to send to an adult male but not sure that you should read anything into it. Does she tend to keep a few cards in the house handy for birthdays? May have just been a case of 'that one will do'. Or is she usually really careful about getting just the right card to suit the person? Sorry, more questions than answers there!

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 30-Jun-11 17:14:50

Listen to your gut; this is again emotional blackmail on her part. Its all "poor me" again with her playing the role of the eternal victim.

If you have not already given this card to your partner I would shred the thing. Do not give this card, or for that matter her, any more power.

Do not phone the woman either. Stand firm.

You can only keep your distance both emotionally and physically with a narcissist; its not possible to have any sort of "normal" functional relationship with such people. They use and abuse.

If you have not already read the website entitled "Daughters of narcissistic mothers" I would suggest you do so. You may also want to read "Children of the self absorbed". Counselling for your own self would be a good idea too.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 30-Jun-11 17:22:51

Also re birthdays:-

Narcissists lack empathy, so they don't know what you want or like and, evidently, they don't care either; second, they think their opinions are better and more important than anyone else's, so they'll give you what they think you ought to want, regardless of what you may have said when asked what you wanted for your birthday; third, they're stingy and will give as gifts stuff that's just lying around their house, such as possessions that they no longer have any use for, or -- in really choice instances -- return to you something that was yours in the first place.

(the first part is particularly relevant with regards to my MIL!).

prettywhiteguitar Thu 30-Jun-11 17:33:41

haha i cannot believe you have typed that atilla ! she has given me a half empty bottle of dove once

thank you for the advice i will not give it to dp he will not appreciate it at all

the handwriting also looks like shes written it angrily

I think i really need to have counselling, she is such a headfuck, my heart raced when i saw her handwriting

prettywhiteguitar Thu 30-Jun-11 17:44:29

will come back later its hard typing with one hand feeding

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