Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you think your DP had mental problems if they told you they didn't want to be with because...

(75 Posts)
bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 16:49:55

he was still in love with every single girlfriend he had ever had including his first when he was 15. With tears to prove it.

I'm devastated and confused. He is leaving me and his son because he is still in love with 4 other people!

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 30-Jun-11 16:50:54

Yes I'd think he was having some kind of breakdown. Or just a massive cunt.

GypsyMoth Thu 30-Jun-11 16:50:55

there must be more to it,surely. can you dig deeper. is he actually in contact with them all?

ggirl Thu 30-Jun-11 16:51:47

what?????????
does his love capacity not include you and his child??

yes , think he has problems

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 16:55:29

Yes he loves me but no more than the rest of them! Iv'e been with him for 6 years and I'm totally shocked. I think he may be in contact with the girlfriend immediately before me. But being as he cheated on all of them I'm not sure they would give him the time of day. Catch eh??? hmm

Oh and he told me through a text message.

MaxSchreck Thu 30-Jun-11 16:58:58

How has he been acting recently? Is this weird announcement totally out of the blue?

GypsyMoth Thu 30-Jun-11 17:00:49

sounds like a cover..

you must be thinking the obvious here,he's cheated on them all,could he be cheating on you? this is his way of 'minimising' things a bit?

Lulumama Thu 30-Jun-11 17:01:11

I don't think he has mental health problems, he sounds like a cowardly twunt

it's not you, it's me, i love too much/not enough.. blah blah blah

and he told you by text

I am sorry this has happened, but he sounds selfish and self absorbed and incapable of holding down a long term monogamous relationship

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 17:04:45

Lulumama BINGO! Yes he sat there and told me he is ''fucked up'', just odd how coherent and normal he is in every day life. But he has in the past mentioned when having an argument that ''no one ever under stood him like thingy did'', a girlfriend he was with when he was 19.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 17:10:57

From what I can gather when he has left girlfriends in the past for a new one (happened every time) he was very straight up about it. I think it's fair to say he isn't in the least bit worried about protecting peoples feelings so I don't think he is cheating. He is telling me this (having back to back girlfriends) is the reason he needs to leave because he has never had time to heal after each separation.

GypsyMoth Thu 30-Jun-11 17:13:56

but he has a child with you.....he needs to bloody 'heal' quickly!!

sorry,i'm angry for you!

Lulumama Thu 30-Jun-11 17:17:59

he needs to decide if he is going to man up, whatever happens, as ilove says, there is a child involved, if he cannot maintain a relationship, he needs to be a father, this sounds like a pattern of behaviour, whch only he can break

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 17:19:12

I'm furious and gutted. He is incredibly self indulgent but i still love him. I'm not sure I can forgive this even if he does eventually work out if he loves me enough not to love so many other people. It's all pretty freaky.

He also taunted me saying he had spoken to his first girlfriend (the one when he was 15) the other day, like something could happen. I looked on facebook and she's bloody engaged. Not sure why I'm letting my self get mixed up in his deluded fantasies.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 17:37:57

I am so tempted to let the very first girl know about his delusions.

Apocalypto Thu 30-Jun-11 17:47:38

He's a twat.

If you're still hung up on your ex, then it is sexual bad manners of the worst kind, even worse than doing cabbagey farts mid-BJ, to proceed to getting involved with anyone else until you've bloody snapped out of it. It is relationshipping under completely false pretences. It is wasting people's time.

It sounds like self absorption to me. Poor me. I'm still in lurve with all my exes. What can I do? Poor me. But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me?

Arse clown. At a guess, he's actually had one love affair in his life, with himself.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 17:52:47

Apocalypto would you mind if i quoted that because in between the heart break I seem not to be able to articulate how I feel and that pretty much sums in up.

He is totally confused as to why I am upset. Telling the truth apparently makes what ever that truth is totally fine.

GypsyMoth Thu 30-Jun-11 17:54:28

have you faced him yet? or text back?

has he said what his plans are,is he leaving?

verytellytubby Thu 30-Jun-11 17:59:22

No I'd think he's being a cunt.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 18:00:35

I have seen him. He is leaving. I met him to talk an get the keys off him. There is nothing else to it apparently. And it sounds like the oldest cleshay in the book, he need ''me time''. You know not to be in love with someone he hasn't seen for 20 years. This has come totally out of the blue. In fact we have just had a fantastic 3 days of what felt like being very much in love (sad)

Apocalypto Thu 30-Jun-11 18:08:17

Be my guest.

This strikes me as a weird variant of the "I'm chucking you, but let's stay friends" line. There, what's almost always really meant is "I'm acting like a complete shit, but if you'll confirm we're still friends, that means no hard feelings, so I'm let off feeling bad about it, and if you're unhappy you've chosen to be so that's your fault too."

Here he's saying Gee, I'm such an affectionate feelingsy guy I still love them all, and if I dump you and fuck around, I'll still love you too. Aaaaah! Isn't that nice?

Bollocks! The correct retort is Lulumama's IMHO.

Apocalypto Thu 30-Jun-11 18:14:19

Posts crossed.

I now it won't feel like it now and I don't to sound patronising, but honestly I reckon you're well out of it. You have lost a Boy and can now find a Man. Imagine if he'd wasted 20 years of your life and then sprung this crap on you. Now he'll have to do it to someone else.

Your kiddy isn't baggage BTW. Lots of men go for women with kids.

1/ It proves you like kids
2/ and can have kids
3/ and know about raising kids

...all big positives.

Chin up, this is the first day of the rest of your gloriously tosser-free life. Lucky escape there.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 18:32:00

Your right and made me cry. I've been with him since I was 17 and have no idea about normal relationships. It's terrifying actually and gutting.

garlicnutter Thu 30-Jun-11 19:53:28

Ouch, poor you sad

The year before last, I got a message from a man I'd gone out with - very briefly, in my recollection - when we were both 17. Hadn't heard from him in 37 years! I met up with him. He's been married for 25 years, says his wife doesn't like sex hmm and he's always loved only me. How fucking bizarre! In between telling me how much he loves me, he talked non-stop about his wife.

Apocalypto has it right: he's too much in love with himself to love anyone else. You and the exes are merely hooks on which he hangs his wonderful feelings; you might as well be shop dummies for all he really knows about any of you.

Thank god he's dropped this on you now, or you could have lumbered yourself with 25+ years of his self-indulgent bollocks.

bristolcities Thu 30-Jun-11 21:10:26

Christ how did you react to that? What is wrong with some people. I guess for some it's easier to be in love with a memory of being young and having fun than a real person.

LeQueen Thu 30-Jun-11 21:44:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now