And by some people I mean me!
I don't really have any friends. I have plenty of opportunities to meet people because I'm reasonably sociable - so I've done/do the evening class/hobbies things and I find it relatively easy to strike up conversations with people, I just have real difficulty in sustaining friendships.
My mum has lots of friends but says things that are completely inappropriate at times. She offends people without having any idea she's done it - yet she still has loads of friends. I'm really fearful about being like her so I know that I hold back at times, but only because I don't want to be overbearing/offensive.
For example, I go to a choir. I've been in it for a couple of years. I have a couple of 'friends' in the choir, but I only speak with them at choir. I try to strike up casual conversations with people I say hello to there, but even then I am very much overlooked.
When I do make the effort, I just seem to be worse off in the end because the people I've made the effort with just 'go off' me. I'd rather be anonymous than disliked. But at the same time, I would like some friends.
I've no idea if I say things that put people off. But when I think about what I've said afterwards, I can't imagine what it was and even if I express an opinion different to theirs, I can't see why that would just put them off me completely.
I'm not judgemental, I don't try and buy friends, I do ask people about themselves, I empathise, I don't have particularly extreme views, I praise people and acknowledge their efforts when I see that they have worked hard, I don't like confrontation and I don't consider myself rude.
People just don't like me!
Sorry this is so long. I'm just really feeling it at the moment because it's happened with 2 people recently who organise another activity I'm involved in. I can pretty much pinpoint the moment when they 'went off' me, although I can't imagine what it was I said that caused such an extreme reaction. In fact, I can think of some pretty outrageous things another lady said and yet these seem to have passed without effect.
So the thing is, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've no idea how to change it, but I'm considering giving up this activity because I feel very self conscious that I'm now involved in something and the organisers don't like me.
I hope I don't sound whiney! I'm really not.
Anyway, sorry this is so long and thanks if you go this far.
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Is it possible that some people are just unlikeable?
10 replies
aliceisahorse · 30/06/2011 15:13
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