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Partner Troubles

(7 Posts)
Keirasmummy09 Thu 30-Jun-11 00:34:02

I've been with my partner for nearly three years now, have a child with him already (18 months) and am expecting another on the 25th of July. The past few months i have been feeling really detached from him, and irritated by everything he does or says. I started really hating him touching me in any way, not just sexually. I have severe SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) which causes me constant pain in any sort of movement and makes sex the last thing on my mind. So during a google search i came across mumsnet which answered why i might be feeling this way towards my partner :- little sleep, depression, stress and no time alone being the main "symptoms" for me.
My partner doesn't work atm, having recently been layed off just before Christmas, so we are around each other constantly. He also doesn't seem to want to look for another job, saying he wants to bond with baba when he arrives, which although i can accept i just want to yell at him to grow up and take some responsibility, stop being so work shy (he has been in and out of work for the past two years, gets bored very easily) and take care of his family. Is this wrong of me to ask this? Especially when i haven't worked since just before my daughter was born in dec 09?
Today we were having an argument about his family. His gran is in hospital about to get hip surgery, and it could possibly endanger her life. But she lives at least an hours car journey from us, or two hours on the train. I suggested that he would have to go see her by himself, obviously he could take our daughter, but i wouldnt be able to make the train journey due to said pain and how far along in pregnancy i am. This resulted in him asking his mum to take me through on friday so we could all visit his gran instead of him going by himself. Well i refuse to get in his mothers car for three reasons, a) the brakes don't work properly, b) his mother is a terrible driver and c) the journey would be too long painful and uncomfortable for me. Obviously a huge argument took place after, and my partner is taking the stance that i make everything about myself and i am being incredibly selfish.
I will admit that a lot of this pregnancy i have thought about myself and how i am feeling physically and emotionally etc, but i have had a rough pregnancy this time round. i was bed bound in March due to severe kidney infections and as my pregnancy has progressed my SPD has just got worse, making one of my legs barley able to move. So i guess what im trying to say is am i being selfish? Should i just deal with it and go see his gran (not in the car i wont endanger my children like that) or should i stick to the fact that i dont feel physically up to the journey?
i tried to talk to him earlier about what i had found out about what could be causing me to feel so distant to him and all i got in response was "ok" and that was it. Left feeling very confused and upset and now i don't even know if this relationship is worth saving? Any advice?
p.s Sorry this is so long and all over the place, i havent had much sleep lately sad

ineedabodytransplant Thu 30-Jun-11 07:08:09

Didn't want to read and run.

I am male, so not exactly a woman's perspective. But I personally think your husband is a selfish idiot. You are in constant pain, probably knackered from your little one, pregnant and possibly worried about money. And all he can think about is waiting to bond with the expected baby!

I managed to bond quite well with our two girls and work full time. What you oh is almost amounts to a cock lodger.

And if he knows how much discomfort you are in all the time, why doe he want to make you travel anywhere, let alone a long journey?

He needs it spelling out. Sorry

ineedabodytransplant Thu 30-Jun-11 07:11:36

Didn't want to read and run.

I am male, so not exactly a woman's perspective. But I personally think your husband is a selfish idiot. You are in constant pain, probably knackered from your little one, pregnant and possibly worried about money. And all he can think about is waiting to bond with the expected baby!

I managed to bond quite well with our two girls and work full time. What you oh is almost amounts to a cock lodger.

And if he knows how much discomfort you are in all the time, why doe he want to make you travel anywhere, let alone a long journey?

He needs it spelling out. Sorry

ineedabodytransplant Thu 30-Jun-11 07:12:51

Sorry, don't know why that posted twice.

Almost as if it needed re-affirminghmm

Keirasmummy09 Sat 02-Jul-11 15:51:54

thanks for the reply smile its good to hear a males pov, i know i can get a bit over sensitive when pregnant and am notoriously bad for not recognising when i am in the wrong if upset lol. But thanks again,good to hear that im not over reacting about this, it makes things seem a bit less crazy for a change!

joblot Sat 02-Jul-11 21:00:18

Perhaps be straight with him and say you don't want to go, even with a lift? It's really irritating when people won't do stuff on their own, and i would argue, their problem. Nothing even slightly wrong with looking after yourself

Ganshee Sun 03-Jul-11 00:41:02

Give it time - you're going through a lot right now and I can really feel your pain. You know, your partner is doing what he thinks is right and this whole situation must be difficult for him as well.

Communicaton is the key - You really need to tell him EXACTLY how you are feeling right now but please, please try and be diplomatic. Difficult I know - your hormones are probably all over the place right now and the difficult pregnancy isnt helping matters.

Hopefully, once you've had the baby things will improve.

Your partner is probably trying to be supportive as best he can but he also needs to keep looking for work and regain his confidence. You're really going to have to work together on this but the only way you can do it is through communication and once things are more settled.

Best wishes and do let us know how things progress

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