It just feels like the relationship is falling apart and I am feeling increasingly that we are being really unfair to the dc by the way we are behaving, but we can't seem to stop.
The latest one was triggered by him saying he was going out for a drink at 6.30. When he says "a drink" he means "a drink" - he was back well within an hour having had one pint, as I knew he would be. However, we have been increasingly short of money - I earn a reasonably good salary in a professional job and that supports the 4 of us (we have 2 pre-school dc and dh has a medical condition that made me the obvious choice to be the bread-winner) but the money is just not stretching that far anymore. We can pay the bills but the last couple of months we have ended up living on credit for the last few days - it's not a huge deal but I just feel he shouldn't be going out and frittering away the odd fiver here and there.
He had wanted to go because our computer has broken and this had upset him as he'd got some paid work to do from home and now can't do it until the computer is fixed which could cost him the job. To me, that is more reason not to go to the pub and it just annoys me that his knee-jerk reaction is "I need a pint." (We have no booze at home, it would have been one pint only, but it's the attitude that annoys me.) I am so stressed every night and could murder a drink but I resist until the weekend, partly for financial reasons!
Like every row we have (and they're nearly daily) it turns into him shouting and swearing at me and saying how negative I am, how I'm mad, not normal and he can't stand to be around me anymore. Dc were in bed, but possibly awake. I should add that we have always had a stormy relationship that involved shouting matches but since the dc I have calmed this down and now feel I shouldn't shout back, so it has just turned into him shouting at me and me not really replying. I just feel intimidated and I don't know if he's right - am I abnormal to be upset about his actions tonight? (He has never hit me but has got 'in my face' and is a big man - I do feel scared sometimes.)
It feels like I cannot raise any issue without him flying off the handle and I am so exhausted by it now. Our 2yo still feeds off me all night, my job is stressful and I just don't need these arguments 3/4 times a week. I keep thinking we should split but I hate the thought and I also know financially it would ruin us - I am honestly too tired to know if I really love him enough to be married to him or whether it is just the dc and money that are keeping us together.
Tonight's was especially bad - he doesn't usually storm out so no idea what to expect next - if ds wakes up before he's back I don't think I can cope. He usually apologises after losing it but it always happens again. I do know I can be negative and moany but is it all my fault.
Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading.
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Relationships
Dh just stormed out after yet another row
whysogrumpy · 29/06/2011 20:01
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