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Feeling liberated!!

(23 Posts)
debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 16:17:56

history - husband had 3 affairs during our 19 yr marriage. Broke my heart, We worked it out, it's been 3 yrs, we have 5 kids. Took me along time to come to terms with it, forgiveness will never be an option. Never slept with anyone else as we've been together since we were 17.

Just returned from a girly weekend abroad, met a gorgeous single bloke, we connected had the most liberating sex!!

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 16:23:26

I don't understand

are you still together with your husband ?

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 16:26:02


AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 16:34:11

are you going to use your lovely little interlude as an impetus to get out of your marriage to a faithless man (please tell that's will make my day)

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 16:34:26


countingto10 Tue 28-Jun-11 16:56:08

Are you going to tell your H Debs ?

I was inspired by you after discovery of my DH's affair 2 years ago - i'm now trying to work out what your thread is saying, that you never really get over an affair ? That this encounter has fulfilled a need in you ? confused

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 16:56:41

Don't be silly AF why would I do that?

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 16:58:22

why wouldn't you ?

is this just a tit for tat then ?

that is grim

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 16:59:19

I think I'm out sad

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 17:00:38

I don't think you ever truly get over such hurt and yes I was so inquisitive about having sex with someone else. Didn't want to wait until I'm in my 80's in a care home getting it on with the old blokes cos I'd missed out lol!!

countingto10 Tue 28-Jun-11 17:03:11

So are you going to tell him ? BTW I am still struggling with the hurt/sadness, he just can't undo what he did sad (and he ONLY had one affair).

ShoutyHamster Tue 28-Jun-11 17:13:55

I think you're missing the point a tad debs

The only thing you're missing out on is the chance to form a supportive fun equal relationship with a good guy, by SACKING your loser H.

'Forgiveness will never be an option' - why are you there then? I'd stop with the LOLs and distracting myself with random low-interest sausage-hiding and go for the big one! Don't stay in a dead marriage - get out and get living smile

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 17:28:41

thanks shoutyhamster I hear what your saying, but Im not unhappy, im not a victim. The Lols are actually how I feel!!

AF this isnt tit for tat, that would of been a revenge shag 3 yrs ago, this was a decision made in the cold light of day!

Counting - Im sorry that your still struggling, but you cant change whats happened, you can live with it, just like I do.

Unless youve been cheated on you can never understand the feelings of hurt and sadness and no I wont tell him, I dont need to, its not about him, this is about me (for a change)

countingto10 Tue 28-Jun-11 17:45:01

So it was just liberating sex grin.

TBH I have thought about this, should the opportunity ever arise - not sure what I would do .....

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 18:00:38

Totally!! Btw I was emotionally not ready until now, it's taken 3 yrs. I would of been in tears if I'd done it sooner. It was premeditated and meant nothing! That's what's liberating.

When husbands cheat for a length of time there is a loss of control, not knowing what happened and trying to fill in the gaps. I regained control of my life and stopped feeling sorry for what he'd done

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 18:01:50

the way to "get your own back" on these men is not to stoop to their level, but to kick them to the fucking kerb and make your own life

not stay with gritted teeth, just "living with it"

two wrongs don't make a right, as my granny used to say

never a truer word spoken

if this was really "about you" you wouldn't have to find vindication behind your husbands back...because that is what he did

debs, I sympathise with your feelings of hurt and rejection but shagging randoms whilst still in your marriage ain't going to fix you

will you need to do it two more times to equal your husbands record and then you will stop ?

what is the motivation if not to "get your own back" ?

is this your marriage now...both of you shagging others and turning a blind eye ?

counting, don't do it

if you can't live with your husband's infidelity, and wish to experience some of this random-shagging yourself, get rid of the husband first would be my advice

that way you get to keep the moral high ground, which sometimes is all you actually have left sad

BooBooGlass Tue 28-Jun-11 18:03:23

Yuck. Now you're as bad as him and tbh have lost the moral highground. What kind of basis for a relationship is this?

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 18:12:16

AF I respect your honesty and take it on board

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 18:19:14

Debs, was I on your threads (if you in fact posted about your husbands affairs) ?

Your life is your own, debs, of course it is

I got all happy for you there though, when I thought the fact you had realised another man found you sexy and exciting might spur you into thinking you didn't have to settle for just swallowing your husbands three affairs and "living with it"

I don't mean that you would run off to this OM's arms and live happily after.

But that it was possible for you to be happy without settling for such a faithless man as your husband.

Don't get me wrong.

If H and I ever split, I will go for the shagging-of-randoms like a bat out of hell.

But no, not like this.

When your post-orgasmic glow fades, at least think about what you could have instead of "just living with it"

A marriage like this is grimmer than fucking grim

Unless you are going to renegotiate the terms of you can both do this openly now ?

Wisedupwoman Tue 28-Jun-11 18:29:10

God, I'd love a liberating and truly fantastic shag with no strings.

But I couldn't do a revenge one or an even-up-the-score one.

I'd rather be free of the shackles first.

So I kind of envy you debs, kind of.

debs05 Tue 28-Jun-11 18:38:58

Yes AF you did post before about my husbands affairs. No there will be no open shagging. I realise that my marriage can never be based on mutual trust, because he broke it. But sometimes we have to live with things for the sake of our children and actually because I love my husband. I don't take offence at your posts (and they can be very blunt) I like your honesty! All of a sudden I'm feeling less liberated.

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 19:05:02

I thought I remembered you. The "for the sake of the children" refrain is sounding very familiar.

I am glad you haven't taken offence.

I would say the exact same thing to you in RL, if you were my friend.

Please believe me when I say I am happy you feel better, but I think it will be short-lived.

What I think will make you properly and most importantly, lastingly happy though is to realise you can do better than remain in such a grim marriage. That isn't liberation it's a fucking prison sentence.

EndangeredSpecies Wed 29-Jun-11 15:02:39

Congratulations OP on your liberating shag.

Nothing useful to say except that I am very jealous of shoutyhamster's user name.

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