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Don't know what to do for the best.

(14 Posts)
Longo Tue 28-Jun-11 09:48:40

Right, sorry if I waffle on but here goes!
Sunday night DP came home at ten pm after going out at 2pm, saying he was going for a couple of pints but would be back in time for dinner, so when he rolled in I was already pissed off. He went out to the garden and I could hear him on his phone, chatting and laughing, though nothing of it but then could hear very distinctive flirting chit chat, so I went to the door and listened and could hear obvious sexual chit chat. I listened for a couple more minutes before I flipped out and stormed into the garden and told him he's a nasty cunt and to get some stuff and get out. He looked shocked and immediately put phone down, and started to lie that he was talking to his male friend, I said prove it and said I had been listening for 5 minutes so he admitted it, saying it was just flirting and then the shouting row began. He refused to leave and I didnt want to wake DD up so I went to bed and told him to sleep downstairs.
It's now Tuesday and I'm feeling stupid and he can do nothing but apologise. He said they have always flirted, but nothing has ever happened, they have known each other for years.
How do I trust him again, I hate feeling like this :-(
What should I do?
Thank you for reading!!

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 09:51:30

why do you feel stupid ?

you are not the stupid one here

and you don't have to trust him, he is not trustworthy

what you have left after that though, I dunno

TheScenicRailway Tue 28-Jun-11 09:54:06

Why would you trust him? He lied even when confronted.

Whatever he tells you to the contrary, he is having an affair.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 28-Jun-11 09:58:45

How awful - what was the sexual chit-chat like?

The fact he denied it at first shows he has very little respect for your relationship, couple that with staying out all day and sexual talk to someone else from the garden isn't good.

What I would do is get rid - but I'm not you. Is your relationship good in other ways?

Diggs Tue 28-Jun-11 11:19:58

He stood in your garden doing sexy chit chat ? angry
Id tell him to go and live with miss sexy chat.

Longo Tue 28-Jun-11 11:24:58

Thank you for your replies!
The chit chat was things like "you'll always be paul's (her brother) 17 year old virgin" then obviously her reply then "don't say things like that when your 100 miles away". He claims it was only flirting and says it was wrong and sorry and wish he could turn the clock back etc.
I have never met this woman but he gas spoken of her before but only as his friends sister, never even crossed my mind angry
I do love him but without trust what do you have left? sad

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 11:26:46

she will always be her brother's 17 yo virgin ??

what the fuck does that mean ? confused

is he always such a cock ?

Longo Tue 28-Jun-11 11:28:15

Forgot to say the relationship has it's ups and downs, whilst we were arguing I did say some things that I have been holding in, like we only ever have sex when he's drunk and the fact I felt jealous that he doesn't flirt like that with me envy

Longo Tue 28-Jun-11 11:31:08

She is 25 now by the way, so think it was just saying he will always think of her as a friends younger sister? confused
He has his moments of cockness but I'm far from perfect but wouldn't do what he did!

AnyFucker Tue 28-Jun-11 11:32:59

precisely

kaluki Tue 28-Jun-11 11:36:33

What a tosser!
A clever one though to have twisted all this around to the extent that you are the one left feeling stupid!!
You're not by the way - you have been well and truly manipulated here.

jjgirl Tue 28-Jun-11 11:37:44

send him away to think about what he wants. dont let him back until you are happy with the new deal.

Longo Tue 28-Jun-11 11:41:10

Gotta go and get DD from pre school, will pop back later. Thank you for your replies. It would appear I've got some thinking to do confused

buzzsore Tue 28-Jun-11 11:59:36

I'm not sure why you're the one left feeling stupid. He's obviously spinning it so that it's oh-so-innocent and just flirting, but don't dismiss what you actually heard and start doubting yourself. He was the one in the wrong.

He was really disrespectful to be chatting like that, and to do it right under your nose as well!

It sounds like there are some issues. Your sex life being lacking can sometimes indicate he's having an affair.

If you and he want to work through this, you might want to consider relationship counselling. People also often recommend that he is from now on totally open with his phone & email etc, giving passwords etc, so that if you want to have a look at any time, you can. This is to rebuild trust, and he should be anxious to reassure you.

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