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Need advice

(4 Posts)
Zondra Tue 28-Jun-11 01:43:42

My husband is the kindest,loveliest,generous man I could imagine.
He is also,a brilliant,funny & understanding dad.
Yet,I'm left typing this... sad I feel so sad & let down...

A couple of weeks ago,I found out that he had been "camming" online & messaging people.
Also,that he had a very flirtatious exchange on FB email with a supposed "good friend".

I feel bereft.

Hurt.

But,I've forgave him after some frank talks.

Problem is,he seems contrite & really sorry & I believe he wants to work it through...however,I'm finding it really,really hard.

He talks the talk...but,how the HELL do I know it's true?!

I'm deeply in love with him but,I know I've been made a fool of,however,I WANT to make this work for my children & us as a couple.

Anyone else with a similar position or been in this place,your advice is so welcome.

Thanks.

nomedoit Tue 28-Jun-11 01:57:27

Oh dear. It is very early days. You only found out 2 weeks ago so to some extent you are still in shock and still processing this devastating information.

Give yourself a break! It sounds as though your feelings are totally normal and it is way too early to expect to trust your DH. Basically your world has been turned upside down.

2 suggestions from one who has been there...

One thing that would help is total transparency on his part. He should do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Throw the webcam away, close the FB account, whatever you want. He has to understand that trust is now at 0% and he is going to have to work very hard to rebuild it.

Second, try not to project too far into the future. Just take it one day at a time, don't worry about how you may or may not feel months of years down the line.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 28-Jun-11 09:10:01

My H's affair began with FB messaging/online chats. Are you 100% sure he is not having a full blown affair? I would check his mobile and check his web history etc.

I think you need to talk to your H about what made him do it e.g loneliness, needing a ego boost, stress etc. You both need to agree on boundaries. Counselling is an option you could look at.

I found reading Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends very helpful as it describes how easy it is for a friendship to become an affair.

stargazy Tue 28-Jun-11 14:56:44

Hurt and bereft.I so know how you feel.Brings back so many feelings -still have them some days tbh. but it does get better.One year on from discovering DH's inappropriate friendship(many many texts for several months between meetings thro work and messages that just before discovery became intimate but thankfully got stopped before chance for anything physical happened thanks to her partners intervention) Like you lovely kind guy, wonderful DH up to then for many years and great dad. Echo Madabout -read the Shirley Glass book and have full and frank talks about boundaries.We went for counselling and frankly wouldn't be together today without it so shattered and angry was I at the time.
It is hard but if he's truly contrite and honest from now on you can do it.All the best and truly empathise - it leaves you reeling.

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